Christmas alone

I don't understand why you'd feel a failure, have you fallen out with them because you didn't mention it. You should tell friends you'll be alone that way you may get invites or at the very least phone calls to lighten the day. I'd spoil myself by buying myself treats and do whatever I want on the day. I'd certainly still cook myself Christmas dinner. I was in this situation the year following my divorce and tbh I had a lovely day. Spoil yourself and don't give anyone else a thought.

Gingerrice, you have all my sympathy. Please know you are not alone in feeling abandoned. [flower] [sunny] [many in same boat].

If I had the ear of your son or daughter I'd tell them off for their lack of whatever it is that makes them stupid.

BelindaB : that is my kind of Christmas Day and I have done the same before and hopefully the same this year.
The only difference for me is not watching Star Wars but other films of my choice : and no egg and chips for dinner but
a nice little roast.

Christmas Day can still be Wonderful !!!!!! and not thought of as being alone but a day on your own and so correctly said a vastly different kettle of fish.
So others in the same boat look for the ways to be happy for the day and just simply enjoy.

BelindaB Perfect

You are not a failure! Christmas just exaggerates the inadequacies of the rest of the year. If you don't see much of your family during the rest of the year why come together at Christmas? There is too much emphasis put on perfect family get together because there is no such thing. If they are only going to be 2 miles away they can surely pop round but I wouldn't pressurise them just make it known you would be happy to see them if they did. Otherwise let your friends know you are alone if you want to or have a quiet day without guilt. This is an extraordinary year but it also gives us an excuse to do whatever we dam well want too Good Luck

Gingerrice:
I find it very sad that your children could be insensitive to your needs for love and companionship at Christmas. Why couldn't your daughter join you and be in a bubble with you? Then nobody is left out. Being on your own is one thing (and many replies have shown that it can be good) but not when you know the rest of your family is somewhere else and you have been sidelined! Why not explain to your daughter how upset you feel at being left on your own like this. Hopefully she will empathise with you. If not, at least you've tried. I've heard other similar stories though. It seems to be the mother/grandmother who is usually sidelined if and when this sort of unkind behaviour manifests itself. Although very hard, try to count your blessings; think of those poor children who are orphans and have never had any parents. Why not make a decision to help a child at Xmas. Above all, aim to keep positive and look to a brighter future. Best of luck.

My friend is coming to me Christmas day as she was unable to fit in another bubble. There is nothing wrong with joining a non family bubble for Christmas. Her children were unable to spend it with her and now feel better knowing she will not spend the day alone.

I know there are risks involved but we plan on isolating before hand as much as possible and travel will be without other contact. It is worth it to give someone a nice Christmas if that is what they want for the day. It's been an awful year.

Some would rather be alone and will enjoy a nice relaxing day with full control over the remote for Christmas tele or whatever they want to do and being alone is a valid choice too if its what is wanted.

I really feel for you. My ex husband and wife delight in organising family gatherings on all the holidays Christmas, Easter etc plus any birthdays for the GC when I've asked if it would be possible for the family to allow me to host something im told dad insists we go there. He's a bigger house and bigger pockets than me. I hate to admit but I can't compete so Christmas etc alone is nothing new but can be made special spoil yourself a little, and don't fall into the trap that the rest of the world are enjoying a 'perfect' family Christmas its a myth.

This is my first Christmas "alone" as have separated from stbxh. My one ac will spend day with their in laws and the other may or may not visit me after visiting their father. TBH I'm not bothered, if they decide to come I'll have to cook dinner and "entertain" if they don't I can chill out, eat whatever whenever I like and as long as the animals get fed and watered they will be happy to chill with me. It would be the first time in 40 years that I won't be spending ages in the kitchen (think I might be feeling unwell leading up to the day ?). Don't be sad just eat your favourite food, drink your favourite drink and remember it's just one day out of 365 ?

I've spent a good few Christmasses alone and none of them stands out as being awful. What I appreciated was contact from my children wherever in the world they were and that always happened, albeit sometimes very briefly. This year I'm sorry church, particularly singing, is a no go area. Of course I can manage without it. Just enjoy it; that's all I'm fortunate enough to be in a bubble so may well not be alone this year. Not definitely finalised yet by mutual agreement.

Not a failure at all gingerrice just rather thoughtless children. I can understand your being upset as they will be close by and not seeing you.
You are not alone this year it will be difficult for a lot of people. Talk to your friends and see if you can do something to help others on Christmas Day, have an alternative Christmas with your family when restrictions allow. Be positive and see this as an opportunity to do something different.

I think the guidance says up to 3 households can meet but you must stay in that one bubble for the 5 days. You cant join 2 families on Christmas day and join 2 different families on Boxing day. A difficult year for so many people.

I think in view of Covid, Christmas should be put on hold until things are better and we are all vaccinated, then hopefully normal life can return, we could have a special Bank holiday to celebrate Christmas then. At least then we can then mix and get together..

If you are well enough it is good to volunteer to help some organisation at Christmas. I helped at Crisis one year when I was alone. Husband was Merchant Navy so several years he was away and I was alone with the children, but then invited mother and maybe friends. A couple of years I was completely alone and enjoyed helping as everyone was very pleasant and Christmassy and I liked the help we were giving. I often did a shift as DJ in hospital radio too over the Christmas period.

I dont think the media & hype of Christmas help some peoples Mental Health at Christmas and I feel it makes more people feel more upset, sad & lonely. It is not always a very good time for alot of people.
You will get through it...it is just one day. Look after yourself that day and spoil yourself because you deserve it. Take care of you for a change and be your own best friend xx

I have made the decision to stay on my own at Christmas. I have told my son's and they have agreed that is the best way considering the infection rates. I will be quite happy, I will cook my lunch, watch what I want on TV and have a drink if I feel like one. I am rather looking forward to it. After all, it is one day in my life.

I will spend the day with my adult son, but he has ASD and will probably spend the entire day in his room as usual. After a Christmas cooking for five people last year and all the stress that involved I really don’t mind. My elderly father was still with us and took it upon himself to buy a joint of pork for Boxing Day, he took it out of the freezer and left it on the side in the kitchen on Christmas Eve to defrost. No plate. So I walked into the kitchen on Christmas morning to find watery blood on the floor and in the utensils drawer. I hate meat because I am a vegetarian and the turkey was quite enough for me to deal with. As for cooking a roast dinner two days in a row ??‍♀️ I am really going to enjoy a quiet one this year.

I'm not seeing my DS and his family as they are spending the day with DDinL's sister, if young children are involved it really is such fun for them to be together playing with their cousins, showing off their Xmas gifts. Next time you speak invite them to an after lockdown day at yours. No reason you can't have crackers and Turkey in February or march of that's what you want. Sorry you're so upset.

This has nothing to do with being ‘a failure’ try not to let those thoughts in and plan yourself a self-pampering day, favourite food, treats and activities

Maybe they decided not to invite you because of Covid.
Especially if you’re not in their bubble.

But I do think they could have discussed it with you.
Was there no mention whatsoever of your Christmas Day etc.?

I am not sure but I may be alone on Christmas Day, as although I usually go to my doctor son's home I have just heard that my Granddaughter at Leeds University has invited a friend to go home with her for Christmas. That means the number at my son's will be 7, or even 9 if my daughter and her daughter go to his place. As I am nearly 80 with health issues I am worried about catching covid from either my son, or my Granddaughter, or her friend. I am sure I can be quite happy by myself.
It might be a good idea to celebrate Christmas on December 6 as in other European countries.

Can I share the first christmas I spent alone, after all my kids had left home? It might help.

Several of my friends invited me to join them but all I could think of was that it would - for the first time in many, many years, be a time I could please myself.

To alleviate any pain a direct refusal would cause, I told each I was spending it with the other one (which meant they wouldn't call me, either).

On Christmas Day I got up early - habit of a lifetime - had several cups of tea, fed the dogs and then wrapped up warm and took them for a long, slow walk on Hampstead Heath.

I don't think I saw more than 2 other people - also walking dogs - and it was wonderful.

We got back home, I made a hot drink, put the fire on (open coal fire) and cuddled up with the dogs until we'd all thawed out.

One of my requests that year was for a complete set of (what was then the only) Star Wars films (three). My Christmas dinner was egg and chips with brown bread and butter and then I curled up with the dogs and watched all three films, one after the other!

It was WONDERFUL!!!

I went to bed happy, relaxed and ready for whatever was coming next.

Please don't think of Christmas Day alone, but of Christmas Day on your own - a vastly different kettle of fish.

I wonder how acrimonious was the divorce and the fact that they "chose" to go to their father's house for Christmas which is so much bigger and probably easier to entertain than yours, may well hurt? A friend of mine has this issue every year because her husband left to be with another woman and they now live in a huge house and lots of room (and money) to entertain lavishly every year - she lives in a small 2 bedroom house and it's difficult to have people to stay. The other question I have is about your sentence "though none of my sons ever come to stay overnight at mine always preferring their dads place" so it sounds as though it's not just your son and daughter? What are they doing this Christmas? In your shoes I'd be very open about how disappointed you are both to your family and friends. But it's more difficult this year and so plan a special treat for yourself on Christmas Day - a film, something indulgent to eat and drink; a new dress (or even pyjamas if you're planning to stay in them all day) etc. Plan phone calls and Zooms/SKYPES to friends. But after Christmas, time to have a talk to them all about how you're going to go forward for the Christmases to come? Better to have that conversation now then later next year when it's too late.

Christmas is just one day. Since I have been disabled and have lost my cat I have spent the day alone. I cook a special dinner and watch films or TV. Have FaceTime
with family members.
Many elderly people spend their time alone and do not have the means to eat well or can afford heating so I count my blessings.

Now might be the time to stop sharing on Christmas Day, but to take Christmas turn and turn about.

This is what most divorced parents do here in Denmark, and what most young married couples do about visiting or inviting their parents for Christmas.

This year the in-laws come, next year my parents. This year I have the children, next year you do.

Once this in in place, it saves a lot of trouble.
Our son and DIL aren't coming this year, it isn't our turn anyhow, but travelling from one end of the country to the other isn't advisable, this year anyhow.