Fallout from my action with DIL

Hi everyone thanks for your replies. This situation has been complex from the start and if I filled in all the gaps I would be here for a very long time.
I have been coming here to seek advice and to let off a bit of steam and so have come to realise this too has to stop.
So, as I am stepping away from them I'm also stepping away from here.
I do appreciate the help and support I've had.

You have started so many threads about basically the same problem that I have to ask where is it getting you ? Are you learning anything from the answers ?

Back off for a while I think you are overwhelming them You have clearly said in other threads that the baby is happy playing and meeting all the milestones just not being taken out You have become fixated on this
You are causing so much unrest in your pursuit to ‘belong’ to their bubble and ‘save’ this baby that it’s become all consuming
Keep in touch with your son but take your foot off the pedal of demand of visits until your are invited by them both

Step back and let them come to you

How do you actually know your gs hasn’t been out of the house if they have cut you off?

"Now I think I may send me son an e-mail to say if the only way he can be with her (he's left her many times but always goes back) is for me to stay away then I will but all I want to do is see my grandchild who hasn't been out of the house since I last went."

Please do not send that email.
You cannot stay away AND see your gs - it is a contradiction

If she wants you to keep away, you are clearly not respecting her wishes.

The devil is in the details.

You dont owe us any information. However, if you need support and guidance, leaving so many blank spaces does not help

Hithere her wishes are that I keep away. She has cut herself off from everyone. All during the pandemic I was the only one who visited, now even I can't go. She never goes out.
I won't go into all that's happened but she set it all off and is blaming me. I think it's because she only has me to pick on.
I am willing to sacrifice seeing my grandchild for the sake of my sanity but it breaks my heart.
Maybe things will change, who knows?

Thankyou eazybee- I appreciate you telling me about your friend.
I do need to take a long-term view.
Covid and isolation has taken its toll on all of us, but particularly on my family.
I have an excellent relationship with my other grandchildren, who live further away but who I hope I'll see more regularly again soon.
I took a step back but he wanted me to go this week and now she has thrown a tantrum as you say.
No one else has ever treated me the way she does and she has no right to do so anymore. I won't allow it so the only thing I can do is step aside.

"She then messaged to say I should respect her wishes and none of what has happened is her fault."

What are those wishes? What has happened?

Please take 1000 steps back

Your wishes to see your gc are unnecessary complicating an already very difficult situation.

I don't know what the problem is with your son, his wife and you, but it appears to be causing discord so it would be better not to attempt to see them in the immediate future. It is up to your son to sort the situation out, and he should not be in a position where he allows his wife to prevent him from meeting his mother with his child, but I know this situation does happen; it happened to my best friend. She did her best to appease the unpleasant daughter in law and eventually did gain access to her grandchildren, but she did chose to withdraw for periods. Her relationship with her grandchildren is now excellent; two are over eighteen and one is fifteen; they are all very fond of her and make the effort to see her; DIL still throws tantrums, Christmas being the last one.
Hang on in there, and maintain your relationship with your son, but try not to apply any pressure. Dreadful situation for you, but try and take the long term view.