Polarbear2
Yes mention it. Transparency is important in relationships- whoever they are. Secrets destroy people.
This is my gut feeling Polarbear2. My son and his partner have told so many lies and been so underhand I think now I will always choose transparency.
I will tell my daughter too- she shouldn't have her feelings protected by me either.
I am releasing the control my son appears to have had over my life, but neither will I take sides. My daughter cannot control me either- her relationship with her brother is hers- my relationship with them both is mine.
My son doesn't expect me not to see his sister, this isn't and shouldn't be an either or situation. The only person who will twist this situation is his partner, and I have minimal contact with her. My children don't get on but they are not vindictive towards each other- they just don't get involved in each other's lives due to things that happened in the past. I thought losing their father would have brought them together but it hasn't worked that way.
My daughter and I are very close and there is no way she would distance herself from me due to her brother's behaviour. I will be clear with her too.
It is highly unlikely my son would visit, but if he did want to meet up I would say under the current circumstances it wouldn't be a good idea.
So thanks for your replies, it is clear to me now that I should tell them both, but that it wouldn't be a good time for a meet-up. I think they will both respect my wishes and I'll feel easier and hopefully enjoy the weekend as much as possible.