Supporting Someone Through Estrangement.

Asdf

So long as they know it isn't their fault. Things happen when partners come along whispering in your dc ear and usually it's jealousy from outside of the family that causes the estrangement forcing you to choose. If your estranged son or daughter is happy that's all you can hope for

Your situation is of your own making.

You, your husband and your daughter’s treatment of your son is what has caused your estrangement. It has nothing to do with your DIL who, by the sounds of it, has treated your son better than any of you ever have.

You have not been forced to choose. You have been asked by your son to acknowledge the abuse he has suffered at the hands of you all. You have refused to do that.

@Asdf

You talk about the “outsider” expecting equal treatment - you can’t even treat your son as an equal.

Asdf

Yes and it can often involve greed over Money, the outsider/in law to the family often doesn't like the methods used to keep money out of their hands and inside the family fold, they expect to be treated equally to your own DC and very often have £££ for eyes

You have got to be kidding me!

After 133 comments on your thread, this is still the view you hold?

The only person greedy for money in your situation is your daughter.

Yes and it can often involve greed over Money, the outsider/in law to the family often doesn't like the methods used to keep money out of their hands and inside the family fold, they expect to be treated equally to your own DC and very often have £££ for eyes

Whiff.

That's so important to remember and to be highlighted Asdf. One of the hardest things when this is the case, is to accept that the estrangement is not your fault and is out of your control.

So long as they know it isn't their fault. Things happen when partners come along whispering in your dc ear and usually it's jealousy from outside of the family that causes the estrangement forcing you to choose. If your estranged son or daughter is happy that's all you can hope for

I’d like to say a heartfelt thank you to you all, for taking the time to advise me.
I’m so sorry to hear that so many others are suffering through the same terrible pain. I sincerely hope you are all able to find some kind of peace.

Smileless2012 or as I prefer Smiles. Helped me so much . If it wasn't for her answering my PMs I couldn't have plucked up the courage to post on her thread. There are a lot of us. I don't feel allow anymore. And with Smiles and the others come to terms with what my son has done. And know I am a good mom and grandmother. Luckily my daughter and son in law have said I will not lose them or my 2 grandson's with them.

I went through the grief I felt when my husband died. I learnt no emotion is wrong. I felt the same rage and anger when my husband as I did with what my son has done. I spent years feeling guilty about it after my husband died then realised one day it was normal. Only wish I had someone who could have told me that. Beveveament group was useless the woman who ran it was married.

Only someone going through anything can truly understand how you feel. That's why Gransnet is so good. It covers everything. And people willing to help.

I've been estranged for such a short time I'm not sure I can even class it as that.
However, I have found close family and friends are far more reluctant to broach the subject and I find that very sad, especially as I believe one of my family members has seen my grandchild and not even told me.
Your friend will feel lonely. Luckily I do have some very close friends who do ask how this situation is, even if they are busy with their own family issues.
Ty not to treat your friend as if this is strange or unusual, it really is far more common than you realise. See it as just another family situation and believe what your friend says- being able to trust her is very important.

Hi SpanielNanny. We've been estranged from our son and only GC for more than 8 years now and my advice to you, to support your friend is to simply listen and be there for her.

It's called a living bereavement and the process of grieving is much the same as it is for a death. Shock, followed by denial and anger before eventual acceptance that there's nothing you can do to change it.

Your friend could look at the 'support for those living with estrangement' thread and that may lead her to joining GN enabling her to receive support, understanding and I hope some comfort.

For me, it was the listening ear of friends and their shoulders to cry on that I needed and joining GN, and realising that we were not alone in our experience and suffering was an enormous benefit.

I highly recommend a book by Sharon Ann Wildey called 'Abandoned Parents: The devils' dilemma'. It is far an away the bet book I've ever read on this subject.

It's not an easy read but for me, I felt as if she'd been sitting on my shoulder for the first 2 years of our estrangement as her insight due to her personal experience, and the research she has done is remarkable.

I'm so very sorry that your friend is going through this. It's absolutely heartbreaking.

Listening is probably the best thing you can do. If you browse the estrangement forums you might get some ideas from those who live this.

There’s a forum here that deals with just that Spaniel. Lots of people in that position, I’m sure you’ll be well supported.