Heartbroken and don't know what to do

If her partner is scared of her I am wondering if the children are too? This must be so worrying for you. I am also not surprised that you tried to facilitate her demands under the circumstances

Has your daughter always been like this or is it a more recent development? I am wondering what she was like as a child?

I am sorry that you are in this position LnPGma

So it's your D who is control here not her partner LnPGma, I can understand why you did so much to facilitate her demands despite them being unreasonable.

You must be worried about your GC, especially as you are no unable to see them. I'm so sorry.

From what I've experienced it's her who is doing the leading and he backs her up. She's extremely attractive and charismatic and he is the opposite. There was an incident a couple of years ago when she behaved very violently towards him and he called me to come and calm the situation and make sure the children were safe. So maybe it's a case of, on the one hand he can't believe his luck, and on the other, he's scared of her.

A valid point Alexa.

PS I note you refer to your daughter and her partner as "they", as if those two individuals are a unit. I am wondering if perhaps the partner has a bad influence over her. People in sexual partnerships tend to agree with each other even when one of the two is in the wrong.

She sounds unbalanced, unless there is something you have not mentioned that insulted her sensibilities.

It is a great pity for you to not see your grandchildren, but she gets to make that decision.

Well unless there’s something I’m not getting, your daughter sounds absolutely dreadful, as does her partner.
Whatever made you give in to their demands? None of which are reasonable.
I understand your pain in not seeing your grandchildren, but you cannot be bullied by these people.

There's obviously a whole lot more to this - not maybe this particular and quite shocking episode but stuff in the past which probably could be helped and unravelled to some extent by your having some counselling.

It sounds astonishing that someone could be so hell bent on controlling what you offered to do, that she (and her partner) set about using you like some sort of slave, stuck in a small space, deprived of proper sleep and understanding, without any thought as to what you needed to make your kind assistance work properly for all concerned.

Any number of possibilities spring to mind from what you say : she is jealous of your own life with a partner, she's determined to push you into showing more than 100% of your attention to her and her children, the whole thing is some sort of test (which you are bound to fail), she's not very happy in her own life and therefore wants to lash out and blame someone for how she is, she's happy to be estranged from those who care for you, like her own brother and your Mother? And then, she has the ultimate weapon and like so many selfish women in that position, she's going to use it. No contact with your Grandchildren! All that shows of course is that she's not interested in her children's feelings or welfare, only - again - in punishing you!

You may have an idea as to why she would want to do this - punish you - or may be able to have a clearer view when you have talked this through with a trained professional and someone able to deal with all you say in a totally unbiased and independent way.

I can understand that you must be terribly sad, but you must think of yourself and how you have been treated - otherwise that treatment just continues. Once you get around to being assaulted, being reported to the Police etc., you need to say to yourself and mean it - enough is enough. Whatever else you do, don't ever let her think that her behaviour is in any way acceptable.

Get some help so that you can look at this more rationally - don't give way to distress and wishful thinking. As you have described it here, she's the one needing to make some very big changes.

Good luck and be determined to value the people that know and care for you.

Not sure how to reply directly to you all, but thank you so much for your replies.
I agreed to share a bed (double) as there was apparently no alternative. I suggested the girls share a room or I bring a futon but both were refused. I believed I'd cope with the arrangement provided I could go home and have a couple of nights in my own bed with my partner.
There is much more to the story but as I said, this is the condensed version.....the rest does sound like an episode from a book....or Eastenders!
You're right, I really could do with some help coping with all of this. I have a couple of good friends who've known me and my daughter since she was small.....and they are horrified at the situation too. Apart from me and my partner there's only my Mother and son and they are as equally horrified. Her gran and brother have tried to point out to her that this is a mistake, but she seems to be ignoring them too ?

The accommodations that you were offered were not suitable for sure.

I feel this is an episode of a book and we are missing more background

I'm so very sorry that you are going through this.

What your D and her partner have done to you and your GD's is simply awful and as far as your estrangement is concerned, I'm sorry to say that there's nothing you can do.

It looks from your post as if your D and her partner, not getting exactly what they wanted despite your very best efforts to accommodate them, have not just stopped you and your GD's from seeing one another, but your D went as far as trying to have an injunction taken out against you.

I'm glad that the police took her assault on you seriously and issued a caution.

TBH I don't know how you could even begin to have a rational conversation with either of them, so all you can do is hope that there'll be a change of heart and you'll be able to see your GD's at some point in the future.

We've been estranged from our youngest son and only GC for more than 8 years so I know how devastating this is and how hard it is to try and re build your life and find a way of moving forward, but it can be done.

I hope you have family and/or friends you can turn too for support and I'm sure that other parents in a similar position will respond to you here.

You're not alone and that alone makes the world of difference to know.

This sounds like a dreadful mess,
First I was under the impression you could have childcare bubbles which didn't involve staying overnight. You don't say how far away from daughter you live.
Why did you agree to sharing a bed? Surely there would have been alternatives?
What led to your daughter assaulting you?
It sounds as if you could benefit from counselling to help sort this out.
I sense there is far more going on here and getting some support may help you see how you can begin again, or not as the case maybe.