Cut off from our grandson

All of you are so right I'm still struggling with what did that was so wrong ?
And I'm worried that our grandson wonders where we are and he's upset my husband is his only grandad and he adored him my hurt is now that my GS is hurting but like it's been said it's out of our hands x take care all love and best wishes

Snap!
We're in the same position, almost exactly. I didn't see the second baby until she was three, she doesn't know me.
All we can do is .... Nothing.

I agree with those who suggest stepping way back from this whole situation.

Unfortunately, it sounds like a close relationship with your son's children is just too chaotic to maintain, for now at least.

Honestly, it's probably better anyway for them to use paid daycare providers because they will have to be far better behaved with them, which will also keep a calmer environment for the children.

I wouldn't drop off any more gifts; the overture is not wanted.

Maybe your son will get help again soon or his wife will leave him and take the children, or some other change that allows you to re-connect positively with part of all of their family.

Just my opinion of course but I think you shouldn't tolerate any more of his unacceptable behavior, full stop. It helps in the short run but hurts in the long run. But I know you are working with a counselor, so... best wishes. Maybe you and your husband can take a nice trip or something.

As has already been said Lolorads now is the time to withdraw from this toxic relationship and concentrate on your selves

Just this. Look after yourselves. You deserve better.

I agree with a lot of what has been said but there is a small but: Teachers have a very stressful job at present and as DiL is also pregnant I wouldn't be surprised if this could tip her and DS over the edge!
I hope it sorts itself out and they come to their senses and you get to see your lovely DGC soon..
Hugs to you both xx

But he’s a teacher jaylucy what if a child comes in to school late !!!

Oh , I would just like to come and give you a hug!
I too think that you need to take a step back for a bit.
Your son is an adult but I am a little worried about his controlling ways both to you and his partner.
Having a tantrum just because you were a few minutes late for a zoom call - unbelievable.
He needs help and soon but the only one that can ask is himself. You have done your very best for no thanks from either of them.
The only alternative would be to involve social services if you think that the grandchildren are at risk. Let him organise the childcare without you and see what happens.

This sounds horrendous for you. How are they with your grandson? If all seems well in that department, and you have no major concerns....hard as it is, you should definitely step back, and leave them to it. You will be poisoned more and more by this as time goes on, and then you’ll be no help to anyone.

It’s so sad and difficult, but I don’t see you have any other choice if you and your husband want to stay well. All the very best to you ?

As has already been said Lolorads now is the time to withdraw from this toxic relationship and concentrate on your selves.

You have been used for financial and practical support and now your GC is being used as a means to punish you. With nothing of any substance to criticise you for at best, mountains are made out of mole hills and lies are told.

In my experience the lies have been the worse, especially when they came out of the mouth of our ES.

You are right not to have expectations of change anytime soon and about making the most of each day. Time does help, but the pain of estrangement never goes away completely so it's something you learn to live with.

I hope you don't have to live with it for too long.

I cannot begin to thank you all so very much you have all without exception mirrored what my counsellor has told us but also our family and friends have said the same.
We are very touched by your support and words of kindness.

We don't expect anything to change anytime soon but time is precious and we must make sure we live each day the best we can.

Thank you again ?

This walking on eggshells is no good. You take care of your own life. This couple need get a grip and stop treating you like rubbish. As for being teachers,this worries me.?

They sound an even bigger nightmare than my son and his partner- I'm so sorry they've done this to you-they sound highly dysfunctional.
For what it's worth I think you've done too much for them and because of your generous nature you've become an easy target for them.
Stand back. Take some time to think about yourself, you deserve a peaceful life.
Think about your own boundaries, remind yourself of them often and don't let them knock them down

Bluebelle
I felt the same, should they really be in charge of a classroom of children?
Seriously though, they sound frightful, you have gone above and beyond for them, now back off.
I know this must be desperately hard, with your not knowing what is happening with your grandson, but I’m sure they’ll be back, sponging off you and abusing you, I should just pick up with the childcare, but otherwise let them get on with it.

This is sad for you and you don’t really know where you stand with them it sounds as if they both have mental health issues and that there may be drink or drugs involved it’s very disturbing that they are both teachers !!!
As struggling newly qualified teachers we supported them
Are they really able to teach a classroom of children when they can’t even speak to you civilly I m sure the classroom of kids is a lot more annoying than you are
You don’t say what your son and father clashed over on the phone but whatever it was I d just lay low for a bit I m sure they will need you sooner rather than later
I m sure you are heartbroken it’s a heartbreaking story that hasn’t been deserved
I hope you find strength

I totally agree with EllanVannin. Step back and they will need you before you need them. I know it is hard to step away from your grandson but it is not a good atmosphere for you to be around. He is very contemptuous.

I feel so sorry for you and your husband. Your son and his wife clearly have problems but they have each other and they are not totally your problem now. I can feel your pain connected to you grand son but you need to be strong. Put yourselves before them and step back. They will need you before you need them. You have done too much for them in the past and now they need to stand on their own two feet. Try not to be the first to get in touch. Your health is so important. Be firm with them when they get in touch and point out that you are not going to be treat in this way. Be strong - I had to do that with my daughter and it works. Please let us know how you get on. Sending you love and hugs. X

It sounds like your son and his partner should have never been parents.

I know it's hard but try and keep calm for your own sake. Just keep thinking that they'll need you before you need them----it's quite true and it works. For whatever reason they're not as good at severing contact as we are. Just sit tight and concentrate on your own health, sooner or later you'll be called upon.