SUPPORT for all living with estrangement

Just watched Shirley Valentine. Some of things she said in the film about her life. It's how I feel. I know it's fiction but where I used to live I was my husband's wife then widow , kids mom, parents daughter and mother in law's daughter in law. I didn't realise until I moved I had lost me.

Moving gave me back my identity ok it cost me my son and grandson's but that was his choice . I had no say in it . I didn't even know it was on the cards. I had not ideal he would do and say what he has . But he didn't do or say any of it to my face took the cowards way out and did it via email and letter.

Whatever life throws at me I face it no matter how hard or upsetting. I have never gone out of my way to hurt someone by my actions or words.

By moving I got my identity back and I love it. I know who I am and like me. And people also like me. My postman calls me by my Christian name. So do delivery drivers.
When Covid started my neighbours when they went shopping ask if I need anything.

We had lived in our last house for 34 years . We had been neighbours with the one side for about 15 years . My husband loaned him tools and with our son helped put up his fence. When my husband died I had cards from every one in the road who knew him. But nothing from them.

Here people care if they haven't seen me. And check on me. I know my daughter only lives 10mins away from me. But she feels happy that I live here. She said I couldn't have moved to a nicer road.

I supposed as I have had a bit of a rough week. And resting more because I've been tired this week I have been thinking about my life. And realised the last 2 years since moving here I have been happier than I have been for years. I have more confidence and doing things I never thought I would.

Don't know where I am going with this but I know I can voice my thoughts and be with friends.

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DerbyshireLass

Smileless. You are right "sad heart syndrome" is definitely a thing. A smile,ar thjng happened to me a few years ago. I was admitted to hospital with a suspected heart attack, turned out it was "just" stdess.

Repeated stress, panic attacks, grief etc will damage our hearts, that's why it so important for us to learn to manage stress.

One day our children will realise what they have done. And it will be their turn to experience heartache, grief and remorse. For their sakes we can only hope that we are still around so they can make amends otherwise they will pay a terrible price for their sins.

My husband and his mother had what you could call a volatile relationship with many periods of no contact. Was strange to me as my family get on. I was worried when she died as I thought he would struggle but in all honesty he didn't. I think I was more upset than him.

Smiles brilliant. Congratulations Mr S.?????????

HE'S DONE IT!!!!! 3 out of 3 so when he gets home I'm going to sing to him 'you're once, twice, three times a champion'; get it

Smiles I hope you have got a bottle of something nice to celebrate Mr S's wins. Fingers crossed for the triples match.

Just watched Mrs Caldicot's Cabbage Wars again always feel up lifted watching that. Next Shirley Valentine another great feel good film.

It was the singles match next and he's won!!! WOW Just the triples to go which is due to get underway in about 15 minutes.

He didn't want me to go and watch even though I had my pompoms all ready to go. 2 out of 3 aint bad but 3 out of 3 would be super duper.

Hi 3nannygood to see your post. I didn't know she'd moved in with her sister 2 weeks ago. Is that a good thing?

I have been reading the posts and know you are all here when I have any news to add. It is hard times for us all with estrangement for me I try to keep busy and focus on things I have to do as going over things in my head about my Daughter and GC only takes me down the path of guessing about her life and so I just don't do it.
I think I mentioned that my eldest daughter has moved in with her sister due to difficult times with S.S she moved in with her two weeks ago. I found out from my sons partner as she has met eldest daughter a few times and she phoned her to ask why she had not been to see the new baby. My sons partner was upset as she said even though the eldest daughter is helping her sister that is no reason for not seeing the new baby. I smoothed it over as best I could and told her that my eldest daughter has not spoken to me for three and half months and blames me for all the trouble my daughter is in which is completely wrong as my daughters problems are all her own making.

Smileless2012 best of luck to Mr.S. hope he does well

It's lovely to know that this thread helps you Granniesunite.

It must be a very difficult time for you, finding a care home for your DH. As Allsorts has posted it's a big responsibility. Are there any family members who are able to give you some emotional support and perhaps some practical feed back?

Let us know how it's going.

Well he's won the pairs and one of the team they've beaten is his challenger in the singles final. He's just started the triples so hoping he does well.

Are you feeling better today Whiff?
Good luck Mr S in bowls finals.
Granniesunite, are you looking for a care home for your husband with some support? It must be an awful lot of responsibility getting the right place and having him move out. Sending you a big hug and best wishes.
To all estranged I hope you have a good day in the promised sunshine. I find Sundays hard, but try to be very busy.

So much to read to catch up with all that's been going going on. I'll never remember the half if it but the pain, sense of humor and determination to survive and live well with estrangement shines through. It gives hope to me and helps me give myself a shake.smileless this is a life saver if a thread.

At the moment I'm looking at care homes for my DH and that's taking up my days and my thoughts. Difficult decisions to be made but made they must be.

I'll keep reading your posts ladies and wish you all the best and happy times ahead.

Smiles wish Mr S good luck for he's matches. What a wonderful achievement to get into all 3 finals. What are the prizes?

My best friends dad was a golfer and always got into the finals . He won most times ,the prizes were always jumpers.

Good morning everyone. Looks as if we have some lovely weather for the next few days which we could all do with after such a disappointing August.

Mr. S. has a very busy day ahead having been in a bowling competition all week and today is in all 3 finals; singles, doubles and the triple I've always known he's good but this is huge achievement.

Finger crossed that he plays well and has a good day.

I'm so sorry you're feeling your loss so acutely whiff - totally understandable. You are a very strong woman. We do hear you roar.

Never liked electric blankets. But have a heat wrap you heat up in the microwave which soothes my joints when I have a pain flare. Sometimes put in the bed during the winter to take the chill of my sheets. I only like poly cotton ones.

Have you got an electric blanket Whiff? They are fantastic. It's like falling asleep being hugged

"Mind you I'd have a hell of a shock if he answered" you have a great sense of humour Whiff. I'm glad you're getting plenty of rest and are feeling OK.

Elless I do get lots of cuddles from my daughter and grandsons . The person I want and need I can never have. But I talk to my husband everyday and it makes me feel better. Mind you I would have hell of a shock if he answered me?. Feeling more myself this afternoon. Been asleep again but I don't fight it just snuggle down and soon doze off.

I know my body is going through part with drawl as I can't take one of the tablets I have been on for years and it's getting used to 2 new ones. But I feel ok. So having a very lazy weekend. ?

Hope you feel a bit better Whiff pain and emotions are always worse in the night, I think you need a big hug from your daughter don't suffer on your own.

You're welcome dear friend.

Smiles thank you. ?

I hear you Whiff. Everything seems so much harder to deal with when we're not well and for you, not having that love and support from your DH will be making this so much harder.

We all need a hug from time to time don't we and feeling the strong arms of the one you love surrounding you with their love and warmth is priceless and irreplaceable.

Take it easy and give yourself the time and space you need to get over what's been an exhausting and stressful week x

Woke myself up twice in the night talking out loud. Sign I am out of sorts the time I will worry is if I wake up crying. Used to do that a lot crying in my sleep . But my husband was always there to give me a cuddle and hold me until I went to sleep.

Feeling his lost more this week more than ever. I know why it is . It's because of all the hospital and GP visits. Just miss him holding me . Hate feeling like this . I hate self pity. I will be ok soon. But it's good I can voice how I feel. Don't want to burden my daughter she worries enough about me. And has a family to look after.

Problem is when I am not well it knocks my walking and balance off. As my neurologist says my brain and body are out of sync. So I am having to be extra careful everything I don't. Once I fall can't get up by myself. Luckily I live in a bungalow so no stairs to fall down or up.

I will give myself a good talking to and snap out of it. At least I know my faults and strengths . I am woman hear me roar?.

Hope you get a good nights sleep Whiff and make sure you have a lazy weekend x

VioletSky I could never understand how a parent could ever hurt their child. I am sorry you suffered at the hands of yours.

My husband's parents where awful but the way they hurt him was by not loving him and giving him the attention he needed. But he was well looked after in other ways. That's probably why he would never give up on them. Because of my love for him I put up with them even with his mom after he died.

I come from a very loving extended family. And they all loved my husband. He got what he needed from my family.

Both our children where brought up will all the love and attention any child could wish for from us and all my family.

I know if my husband had lived this would never have happened. He wouldn't have put up with what I have. But living so far away I was happy to spend any time with both my children and their partners.

I don't know why my moving closer things have come to this. Both my children had wanted me to move closer to them for years. But I had to wait until parents and mother in law had died and no one was dependent on me anymore.

But my son has made his choice. Zero contact is ok with me I couldn't put up with the abuse some here are having to put up with. Also I know if he was playing that game my brother wouldn't tolerate it and would have been to see him or in his words sort him out and that wife of his .

Feeling rather fragile this week because of not feeling so well. But I will get over it. Going to the hospital 3 times plus twice to my GP s has worn me out. But I will just be lazy this weekend and re charge my batteries and ready to take on the world again.

Sleep well my friends. ?

It is bewildering why anyone would estrange good loving parents. I could never understand why anyone would ever do that. Having loving parents and the support system that brings must be incredible. I'd give anything to experience it.

There's never really any need to be unkind to anyone. Although none of us are perfect and emotions aren't always under control. It can also be easy to take things the wrong way or frustrating when people can't see your point of view or why you need them to listen. Estrangement on top of that is a minefield subject to try and discuss.

Just remember other peoples behaviour is usually about them not you.