I’m so tired

OP

Why do you make a 12 hour drive vs a 6 hours? Why overcomplicate this?

Why putting your gd through 6 hours of car drive taking her to your house? That is totally unnecessary.

If I were your exsil, I would be very unhappy about that.
As a person, getting stuck in a car for 6 hours a month for a visit I am forced to go would suck too.

What is more important, spending quality time with your gc or taking her to your house?

Can you and your husband share the driving? Either halfway each or one picks up and the other delivers home.

Honestly I don’t think you can expect her father to meet you halfway. That would eat into his weekend quite a lot and presumably he’s working. For single parents that’s the time you catch up with all the jobs and stuff so that you’re ready for the week ahead. It must have been difficult for him to accommodate you in the past.

It’s very tough. ?

I don't think any 12 year old would have sufficient autonomy over their own choices, to be able to see their GP's without their parent(s) consent and cop-operation JaneJudge.

If that were the case for the OP, she wouldn't have had to go to court to get access.

I think I'd be doing what notspaghetti has suggested though and booking somewhere. PremierInn?

Hithere, I think she means she close to the other two - this one not so much because of logistics?

Presumably at 12yo she has some autonomy over her own choices? Could she catch the train?
Could a different access arrangement work (ie see her for one week in school holidays etc)

Is 3 hours once a month insurmountable?
Can you drive up the night before and stay over?
Can you find an Airbnb to "call your own" one weekend a month?
Is the rule that you must take her home?

My condolences for the loss of your daughter Kwallen. Some good suggestions have been made already and I hope that you'll be able to find a better way of managing the journey to see your GD.

I totally disagree that it is your responsibility "to keep the bond alive with your gd". She's a minor and therefore this will be impossible to do without the co-operation of your ex s.i.l.

I also disagree that it was wrong of you to go to court to maintain contact. It's your GD's father who is at fault here. The poor girl has lost her mother and the last thing that should have happened was for her to lose her maternal GP's.

I hope you can find a more work able alternative and with your well.

I am afraid it is your responsibility to keep the bond alive with your gd. If you want to see her, you make it happen, you dont count on others to help you.
It means the father is forced to do this. In my book, the bridge is nuked and done.

Yes, the father promised he would not stop it but things change - disagreements, fights?
You also took him to court, that is very important fact.

I am very sorry for your loss
Math doesnt work for me this morning
Your dd had 3 kids you were very close to but you only talk to 2 of them now
What happened to the third?

Can your husband share the driving with you?

Kwalen I am so sorry your daughter died. It’s a terrible thing to have to deal with on its own but having problems in seeing your granddaughter adds to what is already a very difficult situation.
From your post I imagine you are in America where laws etc differ so harder to know what to suggest. Unless he is willing to meet half way you will have to carry on doing it yourselves. Three hours is a long drive but even here in the uk it’s manageable once a month unless you are very elderly/ infirm.
Is there any other way you can get there. Train?
I hope you can resolve this problem.

It is difficult when GCs live along way away. Your situation is especially hard as the father is unwilling to help.
I can only suggest that you lessen the visits to something you can manage.
Can you contact your GD by Skype or zoom?
I have a similar situation with 2 of my GS's as it takes 5 hours to travel there to see them. I can't visit as much as I would like as it is a very tiring journey.
I hope you can work something out that makes life a lot easier

I'm not surprised you find it tiring. Perhaps you could come up with an inventive way of dealing with the problem.

Can you do the journey by train? A railcard might make that cheaper.

How about finding a friendly B&B or hotel near to where your GD lives for you all to stay at and go out to interesting places and discover that area? It's not the same as taking her to your home, but you'd get more quality time together.

Could you afford to buy a static holiday caravan near to where she lives? If it's yours, it's more homely than renting or staying in a hotel. This would cut down on the travelling.

My personal solution would be a small camper/motorcaravan and to take her to some different sites not too far from her home. You could then visit interesting places nearby.

I hope you find a satisfactory solution.

You say that the father used to meet you halfway, Was that during the time you say he didn't allow you to see her?

To be honest with you, I wouldn't be meeting someone halfway that had taken me to court - The court option generally destroys any chance of repairing relationships