I’m so tired

Kwallen posted 3 weeks ago and has made no response to anyone so far. Seems unlikely she will now.

That's a lot of driving isn't it Socksandsocks.

Bluebells. She drives 3 hours there, picks up grandchild drives 3 hours back to her home. Then drives 3 hours back to return child to her father, then has to drive 3 hours back to her house. That's 3 x4 =12

maybe the father should consider that his child has lost her mother and, from the OP’s description, her two siblings as well. Compounding it with estrangement with her grandparents as well is unlikely to help

Spot on!

It’s ok, I think I’ve worked it out! Is it two different fathers?

Where is kwallen?
I wonder what she's decided.

Yes, I would make a weekend of it OP. Stay somewhere with her, or you and your husband in a Travelodge for example, and visit.

Can I just ask...how is it you’re in regular contact with two of the grandchildren, her siblings? but not her? Sorry if I’ve missed something.

Needless to say, I’m so very sorry you lost your daughter, but wonderful she has left you your grandchildren. I do hope it works out for you?

Exactly Chewbacca, I posted something very similar earlier.

It's unfortunate that the OP had no alternative but to go to court which could have been avoided if her GD's father had not been so unreasonable, and prevented her from staying in contact with the child of the D she's lost.

Also, the "take her home" - could it mean OP's home? It is not 100% clear

Apologies, I may have mixed it up with a different thread.

OP is still over complicating the weekend if she has to drive GD back home after picking her up.

Hithere maybe the father should consider that his child has lost her mother and, from the OP’s description, her two siblings as well. Compounding it with estrangement with her grandparents as well is unlikely to help.

Completely agree with this.

Sorry wake up bluebelle yes of course there back and there and back
Definitely take her to stay somewhere for the weekend she’d probably love that

OP has to drive there, 3 hours.
Pick her up, bring her home, 3 hours.
Drive her back, 3 hours
Then drive home, 3 hours.

Where does it say she’s driving for 12 hours Surely she’s driving 3 hours picking granddaughter up then at end of weekend driving her back 3 hours ( 6 hours )
I got visitation 1 time a month for the weekend. The only problem is I have to drive the whole way to get her and take her home and it is wearing me out isn’t this 6 hours ? .

I think Septimia had some very good ideas that offer solutions. A three hour journey needs an overnight stay for 'recovery' time. If you're determined, it'll work out, then, hopefully, the father may be more cooperative in future.

He probably stopped as that's 6 hours out of his weekend.

I'd book a hotel or something for the weekend once a month. 12 hours worth of travelling is too much for anyone.

What does the 12 yo want?

I’ll be honest, at 12 having lost her mum and then being the subject of court proceedings which will no doubt have cost her dad money, doing a long drive for the sake of a visit doesn’t sound ideal.

Maybe ask GD what she wants? How she feels? She’s 12 and will have opinions and feelings - maybe put her at the fore of this?

Ask her if she enjoys the visits the way the happen just now, spending several hours in a car?

As she gets older, I don’t see this as sustainable, what about extra curricular activities, friends, etc? These things will all be based around where she lives.

I agree with others who’ve suggested that maybe finding a way to spend time with GD in the area she resides might be less stressful and more enjoyable for all of you.

Hithere “ I have sympathy for all sides”
Doesn’t sound like it,

I’m very sorry you lost your daughter, Kwallen and her children lost their mother. That’s so tragic.

I’d consider staying near to your GD’s home on your visits, maybe on alternate months and especially in winter when driving is more arduous. It will cost money but you’d be saving on fuel and wear and tear on your car.

Hithere maybe the father should consider that his child has lost her mother and, from the OP’s description, her two siblings as well. Compounding it with estrangement with her grandparents as well is unlikely to help.

Lucca
Exsil lost his wife and his child her mother.
OP is not the only one who lost a dear one here.

kwallen So sorry you lost your girl.
Is renting an Airbnb for one/2 nights near to where she is now a possibility? Some want more than one night, but once you've found one you like you could explain that you wish to rent it once a month. You can cook meals, many allow pets.
Good luck

Lucca

When a gp goes to court, an agreement with the parent could not be reached.

We also do not know the background of their relationship.

I have sympathy for all sides. OP is making this way harder than it is

Hithere

Why would a father make it easier for you when you went to court/mediation to get that visit?

The OP lost her daughter. Have a bit of compassion instead of, as you always do, putting all blame on the grandparent.

You know, I hadn’t realised the Maths of this. I was just thinking two three hour journeys till hithere said twelve hours.

No wonder it’s wearing you out. I agree with others. Stay in her area for the weekend and see her. At least some of the weekends.

Why would a father make it easier for you when you went to court/mediation to get that visit?