Why do I torture myself

Thank you everyone, feel better now

Good luck with your operation elless
I understand how hard it is not to look and be interested and beat yourself up, like picking a sore spot or biting nails.
I hope perhaps after your op there may be some opportunities to open up dialect with your son
Good luck with both things

I am so sorry for you and the situation you are in. We do see our DS and his family we get on fine. However our Dil can be rather awkward at times. I have had to bite my tongue many times, trust me it's difficult for me to do.
Concentrate on yourself plan what you will be able to do physically after your operation. Do you have friends who can be on hand to help you out?
Regarding your son I don't know what to advise but my heart goes out to you x

I agree with crazyH Elless try and just concentrate on your forthcoming operation and taking care of yourself.

The problem with writing a letter is the anxiety of waiting and wondering if you'll get a response, and if so, what that response will be.

B9exchange's suggestion is a good one, if he is following you on twitter he'll know you're awaiting surgery and that may prompt him to get in touch. That said, will you be anxiously awaiting a response and be understandably hurt if you don't get one.

Mr. S. had health problems for 2 years before finally getting surgery at the beginning of last year. We know our ES would have known through his brother, but he never contacted his dad, which upset him greatly.

I hope everything goes well with your operation.

Moan away Elless …..a lot of us have got one of those in the family.. There’s ‘outside influence’ I guess, like in my sons case. One of my my d.I.l. is so difficult. I have to keep asking to see the grandchildren. I texted them a few days back, asking if I can go over. No reply. She wants my son for herself…
Concentrate on your operation. Writing a letter to him will bring stir lots of pent up emotions and you really don’t want to upset your equilibrium. Leave it till after the op. Good luck

Feel free to moan away! Perhaps take comfort from the fact he hasn't blocked you on Twitter, so must want you to get the updates, even if he can't bring himself to deliver them in person. I don't know what caused the estrangement, so couldn't offer any advice, but if you are on Twitter, does he follow you? If so you could mention your operation and worries in general. He might see it.