Gransnet forums

Estrangement

Just to see the children

(260 Posts)
Heartwrenched Mon 20-Sept-21 12:36:05

Thankyou for all your replies. It was just a thought.. I've not seen them for 6 years in total and I've not done anything like it before...I just wanted a glance, see how they'd grown but you're all correct, it's wouldn't be a happy ending if I was seen and that's the last thing I want ...thankyou again

Peasblossom Mon 20-Sept-21 12:25:14

Please don’t. If your daughter finds out you are doing this she will probably remove them to a different school and all you will have achieved is to disrupt their lives even more.

Whiff Mon 20-Sept-21 12:19:10

Heartwrenched don't do it. It will only end in disaster if your daughter or her partner saw you they could get a restraining order against you. Do you really want the courts involved ?

You need to come to terms with not seeing your grandchildren. It's not easy. I am estranged from my son and 3 grandson's. It was his choice I had no say in what happened I didn't even see it coming.

He did it via email then a letter stating zero contact. So zero contact he has got. Last time I saw the 2 older boys was March 2020. After seeing them and my son weekly from August 2019. Last saw my son on my birthday April.2020 . 4 days later the email arrived. He had told me they where expecting again and later it was another son. I knew he was due in July. I don't know his name or date of birth. He was 1 this year his brother was 3 in August and his older brother will be 5 next month.

For your own sanity you have to let go and be at peace. And it's hard. I have wobbles but it was his choice. If he ever wants his mom back I am here. But he didn't just turn his back on me but all our side of the family.

What really hurts is I know this would never have happened if my husband was alive. He wouldn't have stood for it. But I was widowed at 45 my husband was 47. Our daughter was 20 and son 16. I am now 63.

My heart broken when my husband died. What my son has done has bent it but it's straighten again.

I don't hate my son and daughter in law for what they have done. But will never trust my son or forgive either of them for doing this.

I have my daughter and her family plus other family and friends who love and care for me. And who I love and care for.

I will not let them down by letting what my son has done effect my life.

My husband made me promise a lot of things the main being live the best life you can . I have kept every promise and I do live my life to the full. We had been together for 29 years married 22 when he died .

You must find a way to except what has happened . The past has gone. You need to look to the present and future.

Namsnanny Mon 20-Sept-21 11:52:25

I'm glad you posted this heartwrenched as many of us have felt similarly, even if we never acted upon our thoughts.

It will not be seen as a benign action, and has consequences in law.

I'm so sorry, I wish I knew what would help.
Please post, people are helpful kind and understanding of your position.
It is very very hard.

Germanshepherdsmum Mon 20-Sept-21 11:44:38

Don’t do it. You can’t guarantee that you won’t be seen. You are basically talking about stalking, albeit I realise with no bad intentions, but stalking is a crime now and you could get into trouble which will only make things worse.

CafeAuLait Mon 20-Sept-21 11:42:59

Is it a risk that you could be cautioned for stalking type things if you were discovered? I sympathise with the pain and desperation that are leading to these thoughts but I wouldn't do it. I'm sorry you're hurting this much.

jaylucy Mon 20-Sept-21 11:40:02

Please don't do it - for one thing, hanging around a school in whatever circumstances these days is never a good idea. If the school don't know who you are, they are in their rights to contact the police about you!
Is there anyone that can act as a go between you and your daughter ? Another family member that may be able to help you find out the reason she has cut contact with you ?

JaneJudge Mon 20-Sept-21 11:34:11

It is an odd thing to do, so please don't do it.
I also don't know how it would work as they run around like screaming banshees at high speed during break times.

Chewbacca Mon 20-Sept-21 11:34:07

Please don't do it Heartwrenched, it's really not a good idea. Much as I can sympathise with you and understand why you want to do this, your motives could be misconstrued if you're caught and it will only make matters much worse than they are already.

Heartwrenched Mon 20-Sept-21 11:29:44

As you know I'm estranged from my grandchildren and like most of you here, I don't know why!.
Seeing as my daughter won't involve me in her or the children's lives anymore I was wondering, does anyone know if it's OK for me to park near the children's school.....not anywhere near the gates/building , just so I can see them without them seeing me. Should my daughter or partner see me, could I get into trouble just for wanting to have a glance at my grandchildren?