Just to see the children

Well said worriedwell.

I can't see how it is good for a child to be in the middle of adults who don't get on. Surely they are going to be happier in a stress free home.

I love my GC but to be honest I would be more upset about being estranged from my own children, the GC are a bonus that comes with them. There seems to be so much focus on GC that it makes me wonder of sometimes the adult child feels pushed out and unwanted.

I'm sure there are many whom feel the same way Yogin.

If I ever got the chance to see our GC, I know the desire to give them a hug would be overwhelming, but they're strangers to me, as I would be a stranger to them, so not something I would ever do regardless of how much I would want too.

Same here Smileless

Your aunt must have been overcome by the moment to have hugged your son TinFoilTiara and have forgotten that he would have been so distressed to have been hugged.

I'm thinking that parents would make GP's who haven't seen their GC for some time, aware of any thing they're unaware of that would upset them.

If I ever got the chance to see our GC, I know the desire to give them a hug would be overwhelming, but they're strangers to me, as I would be a stranger to them, so not something I would ever do regardless of how much I would want too.

I have one thing to add to grandparents who feel they can't control themselves and must see their grandchildren, even if it means bordering on stalking/harassment behavior.

My parents didn't hug my child between the ages of 2 and 15. They were there, they were supportive and involved. But my son is on the autism spectrum. He appears very normal in public except when unwanted touch occurs (he has mainly sensory issues). An elderly aunt that forgot gave him a hug with the best of intentions when he was 8 and it sent him into a meltdown. It took a lot of time to get him back on track. When he had gone through therapy and interventions, he gave my father a spontaneous hug on his birth day and it was the best present ever.

Too long didn't read? Please control yourself from touching a grandchild you no longer know. They could be dealing with things you don't know about. Please.

The discussion (rather than argument) is more about the way of giving hard truths!

I agree it's up to Sweep now to take care of themself and manage feelings and behaviour going forward

"Sickening" sums it up Chewbacca

An 86 year old mother and M who has given all she can financially is discarded and as for Sweep being accused of putting her GD in a terrible position, being made responsible for any potential harm and upset, what about the parents?

What damage are they doing to this little girl who loves and misses her GM? Yes, Sweep must take responsibility for her actions and she has. Her D will need to take responsibility for her's too. Maybe not today or tomorrow, maybe not for some time but one day when her D wants to know why she was stopped from seeing her GM, who because of Sweep's age she will in all probability, never see again.

I hope that if this goes any further Sweep your heartbreak is taken into account.

'Love is not harassment and stalking' no it is isn't, neither is it taking away from a child a loved and cherished GP.

Emotions just aren't logical and people act in the strangest ways when feelings, rather than reason, are in charge. Still, anyone should recognise when they do need help to modify their impulses and behaviour. Few are incapable of reason in quieter moments, away from a situation.

I don't think there is much point arguing about it. Some hard truths have been pointed out but it's up to Sweep now to take care of themself and manage feelings and behaviour going forward

There we are. It's just as easy to be kind and still make a point. smile

Exactly MissAdventure

Sweep excuses her behaviour as love. To me, that's not at all accepting that what she did was wrong

That is part of a process to get herself to the point that she accepts she should not have done what she did in these circumstances, as expressed so well but kindly by March above! People are human, not robots...and thinking about one's actions, assessing the consequences of one's actions, processing feelings of love/ emotion/ need/ selfishness/ unselfishness etc etc, take time, hopefully helped by constructive appropriately expressed critical friend advice!

There we are.
It's just as easy to be kind and still make a point.

Sweep, your put your GD in a really horrible position there. She knew she had to do what she was told by her parents but knew you was her granny.
You put her in that position of upset, not her parents.

Have you thought about seeing a counsellor? Just somone you can vent to and maybe get all your feelings out. They might be able to help you to make sense of the situation rather than you trying to change it.

So that's a reason to have a go at sweep, is it?
Because others have victim blamed?

Quite simply, it is unnecessary and unpleasant to read someone saying "How dare you?" when it isn't their child, isn't their situation, and they know as much about the facts as the rest of us.
Unpleasant and unnecessary.

^I'm not blaming the victim.
I'm saying lay off the person who has stated that she accepts she is in the wrong, and is waiting to find out how she will be dealt with.^

I'm not saying you have. Others have made such comments as the daughter should be ashamed of herself for calling the police on her mother, and similar.

That is 100% victim blaming.

Sweep excuses her behaviour as love. To me, that's not at all accepting that what she did was wrong.

MercuryQueen

^Perhaps the reference to stalking is from somebody who is incapable of understanding how great the love can be between
grandparent and child and vice versa.^

No.

The number of people who stalk another, citing LOVE, is astronomical. I've had experience with women's shelters, and the number of women and children who've been abused by someone who claims they LOVE them, that they did what they did out of LOVE, and they just couldn't help themselves, they LOVED them too much, is probably near 100%.

Sweep was told to stay away. She put her feelings ahead of everything else, including the law.

It honestly astounds me that people would rather blame the victim for turning to the law for help, and excuse harassment/stalking on the basis of age, gender, family title. Would they do the same if it was an ex spouse? At what point is it acceptable to call the police for help?

I'm not blaming the victim.
I'm saying lay off the person who has stated that she accepts she is in the wrong, and is waiting to find out how she will be dealt with.

It is a very sad situation when relationships come to this. I accept that we do not know the daughters perspective. I accept that the daughter has made a decision as a parent to cut her relationship with her mother. I accept that she is entitled to call the police if she feels that is the only way to "deal" with her problem. No blame to her for doing that as she obviously feels that is the right thing to do/her only course of action!

What I do not accept is the need to berate someone so unkindly without a shred of empathy for the pain even if one does not agree with the actions . Yes Sweep has broken the law! Yes she has acted unwisely. Yes she has allowed her emotions to drive her. Yes she has accepted that she cannot contact them/try to see her GC again and has said so on here several times! Yes she is scared about the law, quite understandably!

No one is perfect! I find it hard to believe that her unkind (as opposed to constructive critical friends) critics are all perfect and have never made a mistake or let their emotions overcome them!! Maybe they have also "cried a river" when they realise their error. Maybe they would find it hard to have "prison" thrown at them whilst trying to accept their error and move on!!

Empathy for someone is not blame for a victim - just in case anyone feels that is what I am doing!!

^Perhaps the reference to stalking is from somebody who is incapable of understanding how great the love can be between
grandparent and child and vice versa.^

No.

The number of people who stalk another, citing LOVE, is astronomical. I've had experience with women's shelters, and the number of women and children who've been abused by someone who claims they LOVE them, that they did what they did out of LOVE, and they just couldn't help themselves, they LOVED them too much, is probably near 100%.

Sweep was told to stay away. She put her feelings ahead of everything else, including the law.

It honestly astounds me that people would rather blame the victim for turning to the law for help, and excuse harassment/stalking on the basis of age, gender, family title. Would they do the same if it was an ex spouse? At what point is it acceptable to call the police for help?

Sickening isn't it *MissAdventure?

It does, and it's being applied to sweep, who accepts that.

Last time I checked the law applied to all.

Oh do stop it.
Sweep has already said she won't contact them again.

"That’s my grandma and my mummy says I mustn’t speak to her but I miss her so much and don’t know what to do” If I am guilty what about my daughter who is denying a valuable relationship with her children? What harm is she doing her children?"

How dare you put a child in that situation? How selfish of you to do that?
You are the one harming the child in this case.

She is a a very young child - still playing in the playground.
She is not able to make decisions for herself or even understand what is going on, she is not even a teenager to grasp the seriousness of the situation

That statement she made does not say anything about whether being kept away from them is justified

It only says she misses you. It is her feelings, not granting you her vote saying her mother is wrong

Children miss candy and icecream for breakfast.
Does it mean it is healthy for her?
No, it is not

I truly hope you try nothing else to contact them or dont cry a river when you get punished by the law like you deserve (even jail)

I do know I have no choice and must stay away from my darling grandchildren

That is wise Sweep and hard

Thank you Smileless and Allsorts for your support. I do know I have no choice and must stay away from my darling grandchildren. I am waiting to hear whether my case is going to Crown Prosecution. At least my grandchildren will know how much they were loved and how I fought to see them.
You are right as far as my daughter and son-in-law are concerned. I have served my purpose. I have given them all I have to give, The have put themselves before their own children.