Just to see the children

I will add that on seeing my granddaughter in the playground, I heard back that my granddaughter had told the person in charge “That’s my grandma and my mummy says I mustn’t speak to her but I miss her so much and don’t know what to do” If I am guilty what about my daughter who is denying a valuable relationship with her children? What harm is she doing her children? Nobody can understand her motivation.
Perhaps the reference to stalking is from somebody who is incapable of understanding how great the love can be between
grandparent and child and vice versa. I treasure the notes my granddaughter sent me saying “I love you so very much grandma” I suppose I should consider myself lucky to have known that love and have compassion for people who have been unable to give or receive such love.

Smileless, I totally agree with your view. The unkindness and intolerance shown to a 86 year old mother who gave her savings to help a selfish d and sil is unbelievable. What has happened to our society to just dump old people when they are no longer useful and need support. I would rather be kind than see the wrong in everything, look at what she has done and then look at what her d did. They didn’t dump her until she had paid their debts, nice people.

Smiles

Sweep herself stated that the reason she contacted them was that she couldn't control herself.

As hard as it is to hear it MercuryQueen that is the truth

Love isn't harassment.

Harassment isn't love.

Stalking isn't love.

The number of women and children who have been abused, harmed, even killed by those who don't recognize the difference between love, harassment, stalking, and obsession is far too high.

Age, DNA, family titles does not change that.

Since Sweep has made it clear that she's either unable or unwilling to stop her negative behaviour, what else should the daughter do? Put up with it? Uproot her family and move continents?

Blaming the victim of criminal behaviour is completely inappropriate, imo.

No, I don't see that connection either Madgran and regard the view that an 86 year old mother and GM who is obviously bereft at not being able to see her D and GC, and has done what she has because of that, as being unable to control herself so it's questionable as to whether she's fit to be around children laughable, it it weren't so absurd.

No matter how annoyed and frustrated I might be in her D's position, the thought of contacting the police and criminalising my own mother would never enter my mind.

Heartwrenched I hope that you are ok. I wonder if you have had any help to deal with the pain of this situation? If not, do think about it.

That's harassment. If she "couldn't control herself" I would question whether she's fit to be around children.

I don't see that connection!

I do think you need counselling to help you deal with this Sweep as clearly your daughter is adamant that she wants no contact, and the police involvement highlights how strongly she feels. I am sorry for the pain it has caused you. I understand why you have found it so hard to stick to what your daughter has asked you to do but stick to it you must I'm afraid. Please , please get counselling and look after yourself.

The truth is that for whatever her given reasons when doing so Sweeps daughter has contacted the police and the police have agreed that Sweep should not be contacting her daughter and grandchildren.

As heartbreaking as that must be for her, repeating that behaviour has then meant consequences.

I think that it's best to get some help and counselling

If a person cannot accept a no for an answer and chooses to break the law.... too bad so sad

You can react to a situation in many different ways - clearly pushing your own agenda is not one of them

Smiles

Sweep admitted that she contacted them multiple times and that she did so after she had been told not to.

That's harassment. If she "couldn't control herself" I would question whether she's fit to be around children.

Sweep has reacted to the situation she found herself in Hithere, not being allowed to see her GC and her D refusing to have contact.

Some may regard an 86 year old lady being treated this way as reasonable. I don't.

Sweep has created this situation and now is suffering the consequences for her actions.

Age and dna does not make special allowances to break the law

I agree 3nanny Sweep is 86 years old FGS, what a hateful way to be treated at that age by your own D.

Yes it is selfish and cruel crazy and they'll never know just how selfish and cruel it is unless it happens to them, which for most of us who are living with this pain, will be too late.

Here's hoping your plans for Christmas go well.

Our ES's wife is "jealous and possessive" thinking only of her "own self gratification" and TBH he isn't much better Onward.

3Nanny6 that's lovely your daughter has such special memories of her Granny and Great Granny spending time with her. I didn't see my Grandparents so often as we lived quite a distance away, but I still treasure the childhood memories of those special times.

As an adult, I didn't always see eye to eye with my parents, but I always let them spend time with my kids and they had lots of fun! I am sure my kids have very happy memories of those times and cannot fathom how they could deprive their own kids of being loved by other family members. Except that my son is jealous and possessive. He thinks of no one except his own self gratification, unfortunately.

I hope all goes well for your Christmas get together CrazyH. It sounds a lovely idea!

Sweep’s story is so sad. So are the others. What I don’t understand is , how can they deprive their children of genuine love. Whatever they feel about the adults, isn’t it selfish and cruel…..you can’t give children enough love, they thrive on it. When I went through a bad patch with my middle son, I will always be thankful that they never stopped me seeing the children. It wasn’t regular contact, but I was allowed to go over and play with them for an hour, once a week/ fortnight, while parents went upstairs. It was hard. Things are not 100% now , but much , much better. I realise now, that they are quite regimented in their relationships. I am trying to have a get together for Xmas. If I don’t, they will hardly see each other. Sad, but true. I suppose they’ve all got their own lives now.

Agnurse ; I understand what you are saying and yes there is the point of harassment.
To me Sweep is an 86 year old lady and for whatever reason her daughter has denied her the chance to see her GC and from what she has written Sweep is clearly upset about that.

I had my first daughter at a young age and my grand-mother was still alive she also lived with my mother.
Most days after infants school my daughter wanted to go into her nannies house and see her great grand-mother she always called her Granny.
My mother and grand-mother have both died now but my daughter still remembers her great grandmother and I am happy that we have those memories.
I still empathize with Sweep.

3nanny6

Sweep admitted that she'd attempted to contact them and/or see the children on multiple occasions after she had been told not to.

That meets the legal definition of harassment. She wasn't listening and she wasn't obeying the boundaries that other adults had set out.

Just because someone is older, doesn't mean they are incapable. Google the "Granny Ripper". (I'm not saying that I think Sweep would do something like that. I'm just using it to indicate that older people aren't necessarily incapacitated.)

I keep reading what the daughter of Sweep done to her and it makes my blood boil to hear she snatched the Easter presents for the GC and threw them back at her. To even go as far as
reporting Sweep to the police is a disgusting thing to do.

Sweep do not mean to be rude but you said you were 86 years old so that is a fair age what on earth does your daughter think you will do to the children? Your daughter should be well and truly ashamed of herself treating you like that. Other posters have told you to talk to your doctor and they are right but I have every empathy with what you are feeling to miss our grand-children is an awful thing and I hope you find some peace in your life.

Just read your post Sweep as I'm reading from my post up after posting .

I'm a deferent person too, all the joy knocked out of me. My C always laughed about me always dancing, singing & larking around at our family do's/parties, but not any more.
Felt the same as you about just wanting to be back in their lives, loving them as before. I too did nothing at all against them, aside from acquiring the jealousy of my darling little GD stepdad. 9yrs on I have no hope, my GC wouldn't know me anymore, that special bond we had destroyed.

So sorry about that Yogini, that's so painful.

I have considered going to the park where I know they hang out in the hopes that i could see my GC ( I know my DiL would talk to me if she knew my son couldn't see, because he controls her and doesn't let her out except to the shops or park, doesn't let her talk to family etc) but ultimately talking to her behind his back is just going to make him mad and it won't lead to a happy family reunion. She's not my daughter and ultimately her loyalty should be to my son, so I don't want to put her in a difficult position.

Realistically I might bump into them at the shops, sometime. I wouldn't try to, but if it happens I will play it by ear. I have been avoiding the town in case of bumping into them, but I am starting to think, why should I? I live here too and have as much right to go into town as anyone.

Heartwrenched

As you know I'm estranged from my grandchildren and like most of you here, I don't know why!.
Seeing as my daughter won't involve me in her or the children's lives anymore I was wondering, does anyone know if it's OK for me to park near the children's school.....not anywhere near the gates/building , just so I can see them without them seeing me. Should my daughter or partner see me, could I get into trouble just for wanting to have a glance at my grandchildren?

Morning Heartwrenched

I would find that more upsetting than healing, I do not want to see my GC out and about or my estD, as it would really upset me, not being able to stop and chat or even just wave and blow a kiss, rather not see them, they live just 5mins away, so quite a possibility. After 9yrs would I recognise them just driving quickly past ??

Having said the above, I did do just what you have said, a few months after being COd. I waited in the park adjacent to my GD play school, so I could talk to my estD, give them all a hug and a kiss and tell them how much I love and miss them. My estD turned back into the school and got straight on her mobile, to her H no doubt.

Next day I had a police visit, they accused me of trying to kidnap my GD even though I was quite a distance away from them and no way near enough to touch any of them. I had to sign a police warning of an harassment order and told never to contact any of them again. The police were very sympathetic though.

I wish you luck Heartwrenched

Sweep, please go and talk to your doctor about this and get a referral for some counseling support. I'm sorry you are in this place and hurting so much. Please seek support for yourself.

You really need some RL support and help, because being totally consumed by anything is never healthy. I have poor health, so I know how difficult it can be to regain your previous zest, but you will be happier if you can find things, other than your family, to focus on.

For whatever reason, your daughter is taking a hard line with you. You cannot change her behaviour, but, with help, you can change your reactions to it.

You don’t want to have the hassles of police/courts involvement, and your daughter doesn’t sound as if she’s willing to give way.

Counselling may help, but you need to look after yourself, physically and mentally.

Best wishes.

You don't appear selfish Sweep, it'd a terrible thing to go through.

Think about Hithere's advice and consider counselling, it may help you to come to terms with what's happened, not easy I know, and offer advice on coping mechanisms.

Of course you can come here and unburden but I do think counselling is worth looking into.