Gransnet forums

Estrangement

Just to see the children

(261 Posts)
Heartwrenched Mon 20-Sept-21 11:29:44

As you know I'm estranged from my grandchildren and like most of you here, I don't know why!.
Seeing as my daughter won't involve me in her or the children's lives anymore I was wondering, does anyone know if it's OK for me to park near the children's school.....not anywhere near the gates/building , just so I can see them without them seeing me. Should my daughter or partner see me, could I get into trouble just for wanting to have a glance at my grandchildren?

VioletSky Sat 13-Nov-21 13:22:13

Can you show me that, Smileless? I have asked you before because I haven't been able to find it.

Smileless2012 Sat 13-Nov-21 13:22:02

Exactly VS as "safeguarding their children's education" and in some instances GP's with the courts assistance safeguarding the children's relationship with their GP's.

Smileless2012 Sat 13-Nov-21 13:19:54

Wishing to maintain the relationship you have with your GC is hardly demanding "all the rights and none of the responsibilities Bibbity; that did make me laugh.

It would appear that "the parents judgement" isn't always as it should be which is why there's provision under the law, within the Children Act to enable GP's in some instances to apply to the courts.

VioletSky Sat 13-Nov-21 13:17:17

Some people would regard that as an erosion of parents rights, others would regard it as safeguarding their children's education.

It depends really.

My children have never asked to see grandparents except the one who lives abroad and they absolutely would love to see far more often. It doesn't erode their rights that he can't visit more.

Bibbity Sat 13-Nov-21 13:16:25

Also I put value on the parents MH. As a healthy parent is best for children. If being forced to have the GP in the parents life is negative for them then they should be able to fully remove them.

I am surrounded by My living GPs. My children worship their GPs. But GPs are not that important.

Bibbity Sat 13-Nov-21 13:13:55

I have taken my children out of school on school time and I will continue to.

My children are currently having school dinners as apparently that looked nicer than what I packed.

It's not blackmail. Just funny how some demand all the rights and none of the responsibilities.

Many children want and ask to do things that are not good for them. So that would be where the parents judgment comes in.

Smileless2012 Sat 13-Nov-21 12:58:54

Is it just with regard to GP's going to court to see their GC that people have an issue with? What about parents being unable to take their children out of school without the school's permission, and being fined if they do.

30 years ago this wasn't the case. We had an additional 10 days over and above the school holiday allotment to use at our discretion. Is this regarded as an erosion of parental rights?

I'm sure I have read about this in some schools where children have had items removed from lunch boxes deemed to be unsuitable, what about a parents right to give them the food they wish?

I'm sure providing the parents of their GC obeyed the granted contact order, there are some who would be more than happy to contribute toward child support. I fail however to see any sense in that suggestion, almost like blackmail; if you pay you can see them.

It does appear that when ever this issue is discussed on GN, it's bitterness toward GP's that forms the basis of the majority of arguments against this rather than what's in the best interests of the children.

No, the children aren't asked but are children asked if they want to see their GP's and if they do, are parents able to put their personal grievances to one side, in the best interest of their children.

Summerlove Sat 13-Nov-21 12:52:17

Sweep123

I would never go to court to demand access. I was meaning if the law in this country was changed to give grandparents access. the same as in the EU and many other countries

How do they get access without going to court though?

I think you’ve romanticized this idea of access. Kindly, please try to focus on other areas of your life for fulfillment

Summerlove Sat 13-Nov-21 12:47:09

Sweep123

Are other countries and the EU wrong to allow grandparents the right to see their grandchildren? I would never tell parents how to bring up their children. “Demanding” access sounds much harsher than “I am so happy that I am now allowed to see my grandchildren and hope this may lead to a better relationship between us as I’ve missed you too”

Taking someone to court for access to their!children is very rarely going to result in a healthier relationship for all.

Jane43 Sat 13-Nov-21 12:46:09

I do sympathise with you, the pain from estrangement is sometimes unbearable. Our two granddaughters cut us out of their lives 13 years ago and we weren’t included in their weddings which hurt a great deal and now they have both had a son so we will never meet our great-grandsons or any more children they may have. I used to go on their FaceBook pages a lot but it always upset me for days afterwards so I made the decision not to do it any more when the youngest turned 30 and I think it was the right decision for me. Thankfully their father is still in our lives, he was cut off too, and makes sure that his children with his second wife are very much in our lives. I know your situation is different but I think it will hurt you if you try to watch your grandchildren from afar and it may ruin chances of a reconciliation. I hope your pain gets less as time goes by. ❤️

Bibbity Sat 13-Nov-21 12:41:12

If two adults are decided to be competent and good parents then their judgment should be respected.

Luckily there is no case law of a GPR case being enforced in the UK and it’s unlikely it would be as it would negatively affect the child.

What I would like to see is that GPs forcing contact be forced to pay child support. They want to force themselves outside their boundaries then they can also be accountable.

VioletSky Sat 13-Nov-21 12:33:44

Chewbacca

^I'm afraid you can't give rights to anyone without taking them away from the other party^

I must remember that for use on other discussion threads. Thanks! grin

On those other threads Chewbacca they already have those rights under law, some just don't want to allow it.

VioletSky Sat 13-Nov-21 12:31:34

Besides, it's not the children taking the parents to court is it? The children aren't even being asked.

If you ask most children, I don't think they would choose for their parents to have to go through a stressful court process, I don't think they would choose for their family to lose out financially and they probably wouldn't choose for people to come in and interview them in school. They probably wouldn't choose for their grandparents to have them at set times whether they want to go or not.

If the concern is that those children have bad parents and they are in any kind of danger, emotional or physical, then going for access isn't the right call. The right call is reporting them to the authorities.

Chewbacca Sat 13-Nov-21 12:25:31

I'm afraid you can't give rights to anyone without taking them away from the other party

I must remember that for use on other discussion threads. Thanks! grin

VioletSky Sat 13-Nov-21 12:23:44

I'm afraid you can't give rights to anyone without taking them away from the other party Smileless

Smileless2012 Sat 13-Nov-21 12:22:41

But it isn't taking away the parents rights VS the law doesn't recognise their rights in this case, only the rights of the children.

It isn't about parents controlling their AC's lives it's about, in cases where there is no risk to the welfare of the children by seeing their GP's, the courts recognising it's in the best interests of the children to see their GP's.

It's about the courts upholding the rights of children and has nothing to do with parental rights or GP rights of which for the latter, there are none.

Smileless2012 Sat 13-Nov-21 12:15:22

It doesn't help Chewbacca and makes the discussion rather confusing.

VioletSky Sat 13-Nov-21 12:15:09

I agree with Whiff too, it is a slippery slope.

If you think about it in terms of taking away the parents rights it shows different types of possible outcome.

It would show that whoever out of two adults in a family were able to win in court, they would gain a measure of control over the other.

Would grandparents be happy for their adult children to take them to court and get POA against their wishes and control of their finances?

That's what happens if we allow the courts to take away an adults rights.

We should not have that much control over the lives of others against their will. We should not have control over grandchildren, where they go, when they go or what they do as they already have adults responsible for them.

Their parents shouldn't have control over our lives and shouldn't get to decide where we go, when we go and what we do all the while we are capable of being responsible for ourselves.

Chewbacca Sat 13-Nov-21 12:13:37

Difficult to discuss when there's a conflation of UK laws v other countries and I'm assuming, perhaps incorrectly, that Sweep is in the UK?

Hithere Sat 13-Nov-21 11:37:47

Sweep not sheep

Hithere Sat 13-Nov-21 11:33:52

Smileless

Sheep's concept of gpr is very unrealistic
All I did was address that

Smileless2012 Sat 13-Nov-21 11:24:01

As I've already explained Hithere GP's don't have any rights in the UK children have rights.

Hithere Sat 13-Nov-21 11:21:48

Sweep

Grandparents rights, where they go exist, involve mediation and court.
They are not automatically granted just because the law says "grandparents have rights" (in quotes because this is hypothetical)

Have you ever mentioned this subject to your daughter? What you think about gpr?

Smileless2012 Sat 13-Nov-21 11:17:29

I agree Sweep my maternal GM was my rock until the day she died. To have been denied that relationship doesn't bear thinking about.

Whether we agree with it or not, whether or not it is something we would do, the law is the law and under the Children Act children have the right to know their extended family; GP's, aunts, uncles and cousins.

When GP's are successful in obtaining a contact order through the courts it's because the children's right to have that contact with their GP's supersedes the rights of the parents to deny it.

I agree March there are "some not very nice people out there" and some of them are the ones who deny their children their GP's, not to protect them, but out of spite and malice.

This topic has been discussed numerous times on GN and of course the repercussions of going to court must be given serious consideration. That said, if GP's wish to take the legal route that is there decision to make, just as the parents of the children have taken their decision to end the relationship their children have with their GP's.

Sweep123 Sat 13-Nov-21 11:16:35

I would never go to court to demand access. I was meaning if the law in this country was changed to give grandparents access. the same as in the EU and many other countries