Do you send gifts to GC when estranged

I’d do it now if it was allowed but it’s not. I or rather we as a family have nothing at all to hide. We’d welcome a meeting round the table. But that will never happen.
Because
We just very unfortunately got mixed up with a very mixed up individual who is hell bent on destruction.
And that will never happen either.

I’m with violetsky - personally, I’d find it very distressing and it would just lead me to resenting someone. Either make your peace now or leave it, but don’t be a coward and do it after you die.

VioletSky what you see as genuine concern is coming across as goading and cruel to the observer. Try putting yourself in their position; how would you feel if they were telling you that all the coping strategies that you've put in place to deal with your estrangement situation was you being manipulative with your mother? You wouldn't like it. You'd be hurt and upset.

Treat others with the respect, kindness and empathy that you expect to receive. Others shouldn't have to be defending themselves from you.

My grandchild will be an adult,not an eighteen year old by the time she receives her box.

Yes no contact is more common now but still very very unusual in lots of families.

I suppose it depends on the people we meet, work with etc etc.

So many families have a person who is estranged from their relatives, in this generation or past ones.

It is truly not that unusual

No that's not true at all Chewbacca.

I haven't been cruel or unkind, I have just been honest and people haven't wanted to hear it because they genuinely have the idea that what they are doing is a positive thing.

I am genuinely concerned for how this will impact the grandchildren and that's where I am coming from.

I can see though that I'm not being heard so I will drop it but I hope what I have said won't be ruled out of consideration.

What I have discovered is that no contact really does
“run in families”.

I agree with Bridie22post at 18.50.49.

VioletSky you're being incredibly cruel and unkind on this thread and in danger of going too far. Your posts are definitely not coming from a place of kindness. You appear to be goading posters on here. Please stop it.

me too !!!

I’d deal with the emotions now if it was allowed.

why have you repeated your last post, I understood and answered it the first time?

VioletSky

Send it when you are still alive and they reach 18 then? Why on earth do it in the will?

Deal with the emotions that arise yourselves and take responsibility for whatever the outcome may be.

Why on earth do it in the will or when you have sadly passed on?

as my previous post stated I am not a stranger to my grandchildren

They are over 18, its not in my will just in the hands of a trusted person...you assume a lot.

Then if I'm wrong and your grandchildren see this box full of messages from strangers as a positive thing you can tell me so, I'll wait.

Send it when you are still alive and they reach 18 then? Why on earth do it in the will?

Deal with the emotions that arise yourselves and take responsibility for whatever the outcome may be.

sorry I seem to have missed typed your name !

viole sky...you again maybe proved wrong...your children may happily take their inheritance.it will be rightfully theirs, none of your business.

Voilet Sky you are so wrong In my case, this box is full of nothing but love, I dont care what my children will make of it, they have had their say, this box is for my beloved grandchildren.

Exactly Bridie22 ….

All Their choice.

Not a choice inflicted on them when they really had no idea what was going on.

I can prove my truth .And we will one day.

Your experience is just that. Yours.

How can I manipulate my GC when I'm dead!!!, I will never know if the box is opened or dumped.All their choices.

It's a feeling based on experience, not opinion.

The truth is that none of you can possibly know how these boxes will be received but you will still risk your grandchildren happiness by doing it.

It's a complete gamble and now you are doing it knowing that is the case.

My truth, well, I can't prove very much at all but I just don't need to, my children love and trust me.

I have no doubt they will get something sent in the will, my children will likely not be interested and give it to me to deal with.

Thats your opinion violetsky however it’s not our intention and our wishes are very clearly stated..

You can’t hide forever from the truth it has a way of coming straight back at. you.

Yes smileless I’ve heard of grandchildren reuniting with family but again it’s to be kept quiet.

The reason? “I’d be cut off”

I find it all so so sad…..

All I get is that, these boxes aren't truly coming from a place of love. It's coming from anger and determination how dare their parents cut us off and blowing things up with the "truth"... then not even being there to help the grandchildren cope with the fallout.

I feel sad for those grandchildren dealing with this later I really do.