Unable to forgive or forget

Smileless2012

A lie then Yogin.

Quite Smiles

So he may have adopted her? So not fraudulent at all.

And as you have no contact. Not something you can or can not verify.

Maybe be careful about throwing such allegations about as fact.

why would she go through the trouble of getting a fake birth certificate?

Yogin has said that she didn't say it was fake.

Thanks 3nanny I didn't know that but it does strike me as odd that this allowed as I always thought it was the name of the biological father, entered or not that goes on the birth certificate, and an adoptive parent isn't the birth parent.

If the daughter is generally a law abiding person and no issues with the law in the present and past, why would she go through the trouble of getting a fake birth certificate?

It makes no sense

Yogin and Smileless ; only pointing out to you that if you have a child and then meet someone and marry them you can apply fort the new husband to be registered on the birth certificate as the father. The new husband has to go through the adoption procedure.
I know it sounds complicated and I did not know that was allowed however I worked with someone and she was saying how her husband had to apply to adopt her son so his name could go on the birth certificate. That was the first time I had ever heard of anything like that.

A lie then Yogin.

Bibbity

What do you mean by fraudulent? You can’t just go in and get it changed.

If your daughter used the channels to change the name then that doesn’t make it fake regardless of your feelings on the matter.

I didn't say it was fake. He is on the birth certificate as my GD father and he is not. On the original birth cert. father is left blank.

He and your brother had no contact with you or their mother, as someone estranged from my child I can tell you it breaks your heart whatever face you put on. She died knowing they didn’t care.

What do you mean by fraudulent? You can’t just go in and get it changed.

If your daughter used the channels to change the name then that doesn’t make it fake regardless of your feelings on the matter.

Just replying to you Silver no issues. Yes it is illegal. Just the thought of him adopting my GD is upsetting to me. He said he wouldn't, no doubt because he would have to pay maintenance if he & my estD split.

Yogin a fake birth certificate is illegal. I am sorry, just hoped to help,

Just because an email was sent, you dont have to make a decision right now

Whose side did you take when he stopped calling?
If you didn't remain neutral, it could be a reason why you were collateral damage

silverlining48

Yogin I am sorry and not sure if this helps but it is probable that your gd was adopted by her mother and partner. It is usual for the surname of the child then to be changed.
Adoption can help children feel secure especially if other/later children are involved.

My GD was not adopted by him. I have my GD original birth certificate and the fraudulent one with name changes. My estD will not have any more children.

If he had hurt my mom then no I would not connect.

In your shoes, I’d walk on by. I couldn’t forgive or forget what your brother did.
I’m in a similar situation so blocked my brother from every method of contact. I simply don’t need him in my life.
It gets easier to stop thinking of him as time passes. It’s now been years and years and I’ve no regrets. My resolve grows strong.

ttgran - I know that hope - and no you don’t need to respond. There is nothing to be gained for you but more heartache I think .

?Smileless

I could not forgive someone who did this without explanation years earlier. Your mother lived with the pain of what he had done and died never knowing why.

Yes I think it is Peasblossom I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive our ES for breaking his dad's heart.

It’s easier to forgive your own hurts than those that have hurt someone you love, don’t you think?

'There's nowt so queer as folk' is there marymary.

No contact with his own children, when his GC were ill and his D had cancer. Sporadic contact with your (his) mum "Yet he seems to feel he can say he loves us"; difficult to believe isn't it.

Very hard. My brother did the same upon marrying his second wife 35 years ago. . He did keep in touch with mum sporadically but not his own children - he didn’t show up for dads or mums funerals . Excuses about supporting his second wife and her not being accepted by the family which was all rubbish ...! He was my favourite out of three brother when I was little bit the other two have been loyal and supportive all my life while he has been absent - even when his grandchildren were ill and his own daughter had cancer . Yet he seems to feel he can still say he loves us !
Anyway you just do what you think is the right thing for you - there is no right or wrong answer. If you feel the right thing is to let the last go then let it go - it’s for you to chose now and to protect your own happiness. I know how hard it is and you have my sincerest good wishes in this .

My curiosity would get the better of me but I certainly wouldn’t be inclined to forgive and forget.

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