Daughter Detox ~ Recovering from an Unloving Mother

Which morphed into accusing someone of 'hounding' because of something that happened on 'another' thread.
If there is a problem surely the person or persons involved should speak to GN about it? Not argue the toss in the middle of a thread about books?
Well, that's mpov. Other pov are available

Thank you Amber spy glass. ?

Shelbel that is so hard for you. If your decision was right for you when you made it , then it is still right for you. If you feel you need to change that decision because your father is dying, that is OK too. Take care

Shelbel, ?

A very difficult time for you Shelbel.

I found out last night that my 86 year old father is on his death bed. He's been in hospital for 2 weeks apparently. My twisted sisters as I call them had insisted 2 years or so back on having my email and mobile phone details and that they would let me know if anything happened. They didn't of course. just going through the motions.

My father did some very hurtful things around that time and then lied to me and my husband on several occasions about it. I gave up and stopped contacting. None of them have ever attempted any contact let alone reconciliation.

I'm not sure how I feel right now.

Re

I do appreciate that Allsorts did not want to read about abuse and suggested I start a separate thread for those of us who want/need a place to vent. Yes she did say she would not comment on it but that's OK, other perspectives are welcome, I just would hope with understanding that some of us are still in difficult relationships and some of us do have ongoing issues we are working to heal.

Ok Summerlove - I haven’t seen the thread you refer to. There have been incidents of ‘hounding’ that I am aware of but avoid bringing into current discussions.
I read Allsorts post as a response to this thread only.

I do not see anything that says that it can't be done Namsnanny. Is there another page of guidelines that I am not seeing?

What I looked at: www.gransnet.com/info/netiquette

I do see this: "Similarly, we will delete threads about other ongoing threads, as it causes too much confusion on the forums. " But this thread is not about another thread. It is about a book.

I was under the impression that talking about behaviour or posts from another thread, was against GN guide lines?

Iam64

Allsorts

Find it very sad hearing people rehashing their childhood, unless you have a really cruel mother, no one is all bad and they probably did their best, you don’t know what problems they might have had such as depression or anxiety. If you are lucky enough to have a loving partner and your own children, you make sure your energy and love goes into them.

AmberSpyglass, what is nasty and uncalled for behaviour about Allsorts comments?

The fact that on another thread she essentially told VS to stop posting on , and to make her own thread that she wouldn’t comment on as she had no experience. Here she is, commenting and subtly taking a dig.

She’s hounding VS.

It’s had to see on one thread, but easy over a few.

BigBertha I understand, I hope your sadness fades in time.

Thank you Violetsky for your knowledge nd words. I would just say I don't consciously pick over it I get horrible flashbacks and nasty dreams but I'm OK on the whole just very sad about it all.

The body keeps the score, I was trying to read that on my phone and that's why I didn't finish as I kept having to slide the screen about to be able to have print big enough to read.

I've just ordered myself a paper copy

Solves my problem of not knowing what I want for christmas

To be healthier lol

it is too simplistic if someone has suffered abuse

Allsorts

Find it very sad hearing people rehashing their childhood, unless you have a really cruel mother, no one is all bad and they probably did their best, you don’t know what problems they might have had such as depression or anxiety. If you are lucky enough to have a loving partner and your own children, you make sure your energy and love goes into them.

AmberSpyglass, what is nasty and uncalled for behaviour about Allsorts comments?

Thank you for that Amberspyglass, Shelbel and VS for the book suggestion! I am going to add that to my Kindle this evening.

I highly recommend ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ to explore the link between trauma and physical health!

Shelbel: I too have Fibromyalgia. I knew that they believe that Fibro could have a connection to extreme emotional periods in our lives. I never really researched the connection to my fibro and my childhood. I may have to look at the book.

Interestingly enough, the last few years have been the best for me health wise. I have also had a fairly bad flare the last 2 months.

AllSorts You are so bizarrely rude. You knew what the thread was going to be about coming in, but still found the need to be petty and rude when you could have just…not done that. VS wasn’t even rude! This is clearly not a thread you’re going to get anything from so why bother except to be hurtful?

Very nasty and uncalled for behaviour.

Allsorts

VS Your reply to my post 19.28 pm today, shows the real you.

Yes of course it is the real me

I know reading my comments makes you sad and you think I am neglecting my family in my healing journey as you have told me several times.

It's not exactly a sparkling new thought from you

However I am fine and my family are fine and talking about it helps me process and ay help others.

So here I am

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

MatildasAunt thank you for saying that

Shelbel I also have fibro

I started reading The body keeps the score a long time ago and didn't finish it, I will look into reading it again thank you.

I'm so sorry you were scapegoated so badly too and glad to hear you have broken free.

Recently I have discovered how easy it is to become a scapegoat for someone else's pain and anger. I will get to a place where no one ever sees me as an easy target again.

I've not read that particular book but I have read a lot of that type in trying to understand and move on from abuse, scapegoating etc from my dysfunctional family with my suspected narcissistic mother at the helm.

I read a couple of books about the connection between chronic illness and familial abuse. It's been proved that fibromyalgia is far more common in those who experienced childhood abuse. I'm sorry I no longer have the links but I will put the books at the bottom. I have a lot of health issues myself, auto immune conditions and fibromyalgia. The books were certainly helpful to recognise the damage but I felt that I was left with being unable to change the outcome.

I've also read a lot about narcissism and dysfunctional family roles. My mother was very unloving and very abusive physically and emotionally. She still was when contact ended. My father supported her and also became abusive. Siblings too.

I don't think I'll ever be free of the affects but not being around them has helped a lot.

The body never lies - Alice Miller
When the body says no - Gabor Mate
The body keeps the score - Bessel Van de Kolk

Well, it is clear that estrangement was just a way not to get hurt further... I feel for you, VioletSky