GAS

Yes, I had this problem with my sons family.. eldest gd did her best to control ALL the other four younger children. If I visited she would say to them come on we are all going to the park/shops whatever, she would smirk at me and then they would all just go. The youngest one especially never came to my house, if I visited and she came over to me the elder child would pull her away and take her out. Mum was hopeless and always sided with the elder child. Now all adults it’s a lot better. Is this the sort of thing you mean

Barmeyoldbat that sounds terrible. Glad they have grown out of it, but smirking? A child to an adult? Can't think of what could be done about that sort of rude behavior unless the parent and/or gc could be reasoned with.

No there was no way of reasoning, mums favourite could do no wrong. My son was helpless as mum always overturned it

Glad things improved for you Barmyoldbat, it must have been very hurtful.

I was kept away from my GPs due to a decision my parents made. I did not suffer seeing the closeness of other families. I knew other kids had GPs but that just wasn't my world. You don't miss what you don't know.

The ones who probably suffered most are my own parents, now that they are GPs. They were involved, but my own view of GPs is that they aren't that integral. Learned by experience. My family was self-sufficient because they had to be. My family is very self-sufficient in turn. That's what I know.

It's taken a long time for my parents to understand how my experience formed my view of GPs and I'm not sure they really accept or understand it even now.

My grandparents died before my parents met! So I never had that wonderful relationship. My Mum was the best Grandma ever and I try to follow her example. So sad when people are denied access to their beloved GC. Each case is difficult and complex and it is unfair to judge someone else's predicament. I am just so grateful it has not happened to us and my heart goes out to those in despair over estrangement from AC / GC.

I never knew until I read on Gransnet that there were so many families behaving in this horrible way.
On the one hand, it seems todays' GP want to be part of the family to the extent of being present at the birth in some cases. Then at the other extreme, GP who are kept away and never see their DGC.
What is going on? What happened to moderation?

I knew one GP until I was 10. I didn't see her often but we stayed at her seaside house most holidays without our parents. I think she found us a handful but she was kind and more indulgent than our DP.
I would have loved to have met all of them.
Perhaps I will some day !!

Thanks for this thread Allsorts. I hadn't heard of GAS before but it makes perfect sense doesn't it.

So often it's not just their GP's these children find themselves estranged from, but an entire side of their mother's or father's family.

Aunts, uncles, cousins and sadly GGP's so it's no wonder that they can experience alienation syndrome.

I agree that you can't miss what you don't know CafeAuLait but in a case like that GAS wouldn't be applicable. A sense of isolation can only come about if children are being, and feel that they're now isolated from those they know and love.

My maternal GM for me was "the best Grandma ever" Shelflife and I would have loved to have been able too emulate her with my own GC but never got the opportunity.

I'm sure you do follow her example and that she knows you are.

Neither did I Grammaretto. When I first came to GN nearly 9 years ago it was such a relief to find a handful of GP's in the same situation.

I'm certain the vast majority of GP's just want to be a part of their AC's and GC's lives. "What is going on?" perhaps a willingness to not work at relationships, to regard any and all as disposable.

"What happened to moderation?" I have no idea. GP's of course need to moderate their expectations if they expect to be involved in every aspect of their AC's and GC's lives.

AC also need to moderate their expectations. We often see the threat of withdrawing GC if their 'demands' aren't met.

"I would have loved to have them met all of the. Perhaps I will some day!!" I hope you do Grammaretto just as I hope we will meet our GC one day.

I knew I had read about it before but couldn't remember the name. I think that whats happened with my eldest granddaughter. But it doesn't change a thing. I'm glad my mother wasn't alive to hear their nasty foul mouthed abuse.

Socksandsocks it's good your mum was spared that. I often wonder what my gran would have thought if she'd still been around.

Smileless our laye loved ones would be mortified. I often got pulled up before I fell. Anything I said was pulled to bits and analysed. A toxic environment for everyone. Well I'm becoming accustomed to being sent to Coventry and I'm starting to enjoy being boss of my own life. Not saying I never feel sad but that's life

There's a lot to said for being free of a toxic environment Socksandsocks. It's good that you're finding enjoyment in being able to take back some control.

We often don't realise just how negatively we're affected until we no longer have to deal the emotional abuse that being "pulled to bits and analysed" is.

"Not saying I never feel sad but that's life" and we owe it ourselves and those who we love and love us in return to make the best of it.