Thank you for your response. Just for clarity, we do also take turns at Christmas, (Christmas Day one year, Boxing Day the next) which was discussed and agreed years ago when my daughter and son in law first became a couple, although I appreciate this information was not in my initial post. However, the year our granddaughter was born (in August 2019) it was our turn to have them for Christmas. My daughter advised that my SiL wanted to go to his parents instead, and so be it. We said ‘fine’ and it was said with good grace. This year was our turn to have them Boxing Day, however, in October my daughter advised that she was hosting Boxing Day for his family (having already been with them for Christmas Day) and invited us, which we were happy to accept, although it was not in the spirit of what had previously been agreed, but we let it go without comment. My daughter already knew her father was unwell prior to Christmas (we did not need to ring her to tell her this) and if you read my post, we did not ask them to change their plans in any way, we just asked if we could attend for a shorter period of time (which would not have impacted at all on their or their guest’s day, so I don’t think it could be classed as a thoughtless suggestion) and asked for a time frame (two, three hours) for the serving of the buffet, so we could arrive and depart and at no time inconvenience them or anyone else. My daughter just advised they ‘wouldn’t be rushing’. Fine, we didn’t ask them to rush, we just asked for a time frame. My husband had been unwell for two weeks (and yes, thank you, it did strike us that it may be Covid) prior to Christmas but the virus he had (which was not Covid, lateral flow tests having being taken every day) had taken its toll on him (he is awaiting heart surgery) so he felt he was unable to socialize for more than a couple of hours, but he wanted to see his daughter, SiL and granddaughter, as he had missed out on everything previously. After 2 weeks he was very unlikely to still be infectious with whatever cold virus he had had.
As a side note, thank you all for your comments and insights. Why did so many of you think I’d post here if what I commented on was just one incident? (There have been many slights by our daughter over the years, but you need to put them behind you, as many have said, and I hope we have). It would not have been appropriate to list them, but I understand how people thought I was just ‘ going off on one’ about Boxing Day. My mistake. In answer to someone’s comment about my husband valuing/not valuing his relationship with his parents, is 20 years of effort not enough? It nearly broke him. All he wanted was to value (he did them) and be valued by them in return. When we explained what had happen to our daughter, (14) (the final breakup) and asked her if she’d still like us to arrange contact with her grandparents, she said ‘no thanks , they never liked us anyway’ and I can assure you, she never heard anything like that from us. Please, don’t judge someone until you’ve walked in their shoes, and please, if you respond to someone on this site, try to be kind, you might think they’re making a mountain out of a mole hill, but if they’ve posted here, they may be in distress, no matter what you think of their post. Your mole hill might just be their mountain. I know I am in distress presently, but I believe ‘all things must pass’, and I’m working to preserve my mental health. Please remember that when you post replies, other people may not be quite so robust. Again, thank you all, I hope you will accept this post in the way that it’s intended, which is not as a criticism of any you, as we all hold our own truths. Happy New Year to you all.
