Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

I love your garden Whiff. It looks manageable and lovely to sit in, in the sunshine.

I haven't been on Gransnet much recently. Having some difficult times and was finding that GN just didn't help. But I am glad that everyone got themselves through Easter, despite all the challenges, sadness and worries that are faced. A belated Happy Easter and hurray for the sunshine!

Thanks for your kind words, all.

I'm sorry to hear of the losses of your son's friends Yogin. It must be the worst shock for those who find their loved ones unexpectedly gone, especially when they are young.

Glad you've got the lodge to look forward to again Smiles. Hopefully that will perk you up no end.

Been pottering on with a bit clean up and declutter now the DIY's in order. Booked to view a bungalow on Friday. Off to the tip now and for a little walk. Lovely sunshine here.

Now going back to take a look at your garden pics Whiff......

Very nice, well done doing that, it looks neat & pretty & low maintenance too.

Hugs sorry to hear about the young friend passing. My son, probably about the same age group, lost 2 friends in the last 2yrs, one found by his parents in bed, just didn't wake and the other not sure what happened, but similar thing.

You're lucky to have your holiday home Smiles have a lovely time with your doggies. That's the lovely thing, that you can take your dogs with you, I don't want to leave mine, he is so needing of me, even with my son here, when I go out my little dog sits by the door whimpering, I'm sure not all the time, but just when my routine changes. They do seem to know how your week goes. My little dog is sitting by the front door, [can see he's white fluffy tail wagging like mad] even before I have got my key out, he must hear my car coming back, which is quite remarkable without a driveway.

Had a holiday in the New Forest with my sister-in-law and her friend, plus my DD, years back. My s.i.l had brought her cat and had her on a lead, so cute.

hugshelp any death is awful unexpected death is worse. I don't suppose the person very old which would make it worse. ?to your daughter and partner.

Thank you my garden is a work in progress. But pleased with the amount of colour . The green planter by the tree and fence is my pond. The birds love it. Glad to have my bench out as my garden is a sun trap. Couldn't fit the patio and greenhouse in the picture. My garage runs done the side of my garden and my greenhouse is the back of it. Had some big pots arrive yesterday for my veg and the people I brought them off put in a packet of Sunflower seeds which was a nice surprise. So will be growing them. Never grown them before.

Smiles have a wonderful time at the lodge. The dogs will keep you both on your toes and make you both laugh.

Your bungalow looks lovely Whiff you can see how much time you spend working on your garden. I can see why you're so happy there.

You've certainly been busy. We have been too what with things connected to the church and for me, the choir. We're off to our lodge on Saturday for 2 weeks and I'm really forward to getting away from it all.

Our last trip was cut short due to losing my lovely boy so it will be good to get back.

So sorry about your daughter's partner's friend hugshelp. A sudden and unexpected death is a terrible shock.

The garden looks gorgeous Whiff. Wow, you've been busy today.

We had some bad news today, a friend of our daughter's partner died unexpectedly. Not someone Mr Hugs and I knew, but obviously a big shock for our daughter and her partner.

No idea why there are 2 of the same picture ??

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202204/medium-944310-img-20220419-110956057-hdr.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202204/medium-947144-img-20220419-103406511-hdr.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202204/medium-59108-img-20220419-103406511-hdr.jpg

Hope you all had the best Easter you can. Moving for me was the best thing I could have done. Ok lost my son and grandson's but that was his choice not mine. Funny how he was happy to have me closer for 7 months and came every week with his 2 eldest then suddenly I was vindictive and manipulative ?.

But I have gain so much more. In my old house I existed . I rattled round a large house had to have a gardener because my garden was to much for me . Even though after my husband died the house was mine. It was still our house, the children's bedrooms. Until both of my parents and mother in law died I wasn't living my life as I wanted to because whilst alive they needed me. I was on call 24/7. But I don't regret looking after them even my horrible mother in law. She was my husband's mom.

My only worry moving was would I like my neighbours. I have far better neighbours than I have ever had.

My thinking had changed . The bungalow is mine . My choice of colours and any new things I have brought it's what I want. I cleared both front and back gardens of plants I didn't like and replanted. It may seem selfish to think this way but after my mom died finally I was free. For once in my life I put me first. Funny enough both my son and daughter said it's about time mom. Plus finally found out I was born with a heart defect and I was born with a hereditary neurological condition. I finally have a label for what's wrong with me. Now if anyone one asks I can say I have and give them the name instead of explaining all my symptoms.

The only thing I miss of my own life is seeing one of my friends and my nephew weekly. But we keep in touch via text and phone. My friend is coming to stay in June Monday to Friday. Can't wait to show her around.

Since Wednesday it's been no stop. I am still exploring roads where the massive houses are which I did then walked to Aldi for my top up shopping. Taxi home as 4 bags of shopping.

Thursday didn't go to craft group as the Easter egg hunt at the Methodist church changed from 11 to 1.30 and didn't want to miss out on the fun with my daughter and grandson's. It was very fair and each child could collect 20 eggs they where hidden all over the large gardens. My daughter and eldest grandson when off so I pushed the youngest in his buggy. I was talking about finding eggs and he point to a tree and there was an egg but really think he was only pointing at the tree. One of the moms gave him an egg she had found. That sums up what the people are like up here. There were bunny shapes for the children to colour in and biscuits they could put on there own topping plus drinks for them. Afterwards we went to the park which is only a few roads away from my home. It's a lovely park . People where playing bowls . There is a beautiful tree it must be grafted as some of the blossom was pink and some white. And a lovely safe play ground for the children.

Friday afternoon they came and while my daughter and son in law put all the new panels in my greenhouse I looked after the boys . In the past looked after them separately by myself but both together I had forgotten what it was like having 2 of different ages . Even though their parents where in the garden it was still a juggle and having to keep an eye on the youngest fun.

I had missed so much of the older grandson's growing up living so far away. So really appreciate the time I spend with my youngest grandson. I have seen him grow since he was 4 days old.

It's bitter sweet as I never got the chance to know my son's youngest or even know his name. And know his brothers will have forgotten me by now.

But I know how lucky I am to have my daughter and family.

Saturday I put everything back into my greenhouse and planted 62 french bean seeds. After I had spoken to my friend in the Midlands for nearly 2 hours.

Sunday weeding the gardens . Yesterday went mad cleaning and today painted over the damp proof paint with the colour. Nearly committed a painting faux par. Noticed I had knocked the walls in my living room in a couple of places them realised I needed the grey paint not lilac ???. Phew disaster averted. Job for another day. Got my winter coats drying in the sun .

The pics are part of my back and front gardens.

Purplepixie have a wonderful time when you spend the day with your son. Sorry you didn't get any thank you's for the Easter gifts .

Smiles glad the choir was in full voice and you raised the roof.

Spring and Hugshelp good luck property hunting. It will stress you out but moving is well worth it.

Take good care of yourselves.

Lovely picture of your garden Pixie so nice to have the birds visit and putting new plants in is a joyous job. I'm doing the same in my garden, always buying a plant or two to put in and the birds are now appearing in our trees, the lovely song of the black bird and another I don't recognise, will need to find my binoculars. Have a lovely day with your son.

Well done on your choir singing Smiles. Yes you certainly did the right thing when you moved. I was feeling emotional on Easter Sunday too, then realised why, it was the day my mum passed away, it was the 4th of April back then, but I always remember it as Easter Sunday when she went.

Years back I just couldn't look at little ones at all and remember vividly a little girl, about the same age as my precious GD then, running into her GM arms calling her 'nannie, nannie' as she ran into them and then the hugs & kisses & smiles & love shinning through, it broke my heart to watch.

Thanks hugshelp, hope you did something nice today too.

That looks magical purplePixie - a lovely little haven.

Glad you had a lovely lunch smiles

Your garden looks lovely PP and it sounds as if the local bird life likes it too.

It is hard seeing other families together when we're missing our own. We went out for lunch and a wander round a lovely quaint small town and beautiful village and I must say that seeing GP's and their AC and GC doesn't affect me like it used too, hardly at all TBH.

Just remember that we're all here for one another and I know that when we are feeling down, that can be the hardest time to post but is often the time when we need one another the most.

Love and hugs to you too x

I have noticed that the mood with us all seems to be extremely low at the moment. When I had my shower this morning I had a good cry. The good news though is the fact that I am visiting my youngest son for the day. It will be one day next week when he finds out which day he can have off work. I’ll get my train tickets booked once I know. Something to look forward to at least.

My garden photo - this is the view from the conservatory where I watch the birds. It’s a bit messy compared to some gardens and not very big, but I love it. Currently there are blue tits nesting in the nest box, blackbirds in the old shed and robins somewhere close by. I planted the raised beds with dahlias, delphiniums and planted some sunflower seeds in pots. It is keeping me sane at the moment.

Have a lovely Easter monday. Just watched as one of our neighbours has their daughter etc arrive this morning. I am so envious as I haven’t a clue where my eldest son and daughter plus families are right now. So sad but at least I have my lovely youngest son. Such a love.

Love and hugs to you all.

Lovely to see your post PP and sorry that you've been feeling down. If you've been keeping up to date with the thread, you'll see that you're not alone as we all seem to have been hit with feeling below par too.

It's horrible not to acknowledge gifts, leaving the sender to wonder if they were received and opened by those the were sent for.

Moving is a huge event, the stress of buying and selling not to mention packing everything up. We were fortunate because we were spending most of our time at our holiday home and were able to afford to pay the removal firm to pack everything for us.

It took 3 men one day a two hours the following morning to pack what would have taken weeks and been very hard emotionally. Having the packing done for us and not living in the house, enabled me to detach myself emotionally which I'm sure is why I coped so well when leaving the house for the last time.

Glad you had a good day yesterday hugshelp. We did too, church in the morning and then a concert in the afternoon for my choir. It went well thank goodness because our pianist and choir master were both absent due to Covid!.

You don't realise just how much you rely on someone indicating when to stand, come in, sing softer or louder, holding notes for the correct number of beats etc., until they're
not there. Lots of compliments when we'd finished so must have been OK.

I know what you mean about the loss of confidence Allsorts that's what prompted my panic attack a couple of weeks ago, and why I find all the pieces our choir sings on youtube and practice them over and over again, even when I know I know the music like the back of my hand, and worry that I wont be able to hit the high notes, which I can't do if I've stressed myself out!!

Contemplating a move with no backup must be daunting, it's daunting when the back up is there. I don't think about what our GC might have been told about us, and as a result, what they may think.

Mr. S. used too but has stopped now. I would say to him, what's the point? We can't do anything about it and we moved so that the day would never come when they were older and may go past us as if we don't even exist.

A new start enabled us to close that chapter in our lives and begin a new and much happier one.

Your house sounds wonderful Smileless definitely a good move for you, it was bringing you down where you were, do close.
I find moving without back up so daunting. When you are disposed of it can affect your confidence, it has mine.
Our grandchildren have been taught either we don't exist, we are horrible people or that when your older you are not worth bothering with. I know my gd had several friends who had never met their grandmothers because she said they were horrible people. Children don't feel that unless they are told.
I think a new start where there are no memories can only be a good thing.

Oh, and Happy Easter Everyone.

Happy Easter Smiles.

It's such a shame PP when you send gifts that are not acknowledged, because you send your love with them. It's heartbreaking to have that rejected. I'd love a conservatory. Knitting and watching the birds are two things I really enjoy so I'm very jealous. There's nowhere we could put one on this house but being able to have one is very much on my wish list for when we move.

Had a very pleasant day. The sun has been glorious so we've been pottering in the garden. I did a little writing. We had a roast dinner and I ate a whole Easter egg. (not a very big one but still). Just the once.

Happy Easter to everyone.

Sorry I haven’t been on here for a while. No, my circumstances haven’t changed but I have felt really down about it all lately.

I sent off my 4 grand children some Easter cards, cash plus cookies, which I saw advertised on line (the cookies) No clue as to whether they have even received them. My 2 eldest children were not brought up this way.

If anyone gets the chance to move and start again then I would say go for it and welcome it all with both hands. A while ago DH wanted to sell up and move away but I talked him out of it because of my grand children, now I wish I had just gone with the flow of it all. I get to see them less and less. Infact I haven’t seen my eldest son’s two children since May of last year. The last time my daughters two girls came to stay here was at the end of February. A saturday night when their dad was going away and it was only from 5pm saturday until 10am Sunday - small mercies which we have to grab hold of. I dont feel like I could go through the upheaval of moving now as I am 70 and he is 68. Probably quite young in some peoples eyes but I have moved 12 times in my life. The packing on each occasion nearly finished me off.

I have been trying to make the back garden as good as I can and at least I can sit out there and paint if I want to. Also I like to knit in the conservatory and watch all the birds in our trees at the bottom of the garden.

Have a lovely evening.

I see what you mean Allsorts. I think there are always compromises to be made unless you're very wealthy so money is no object.

I think some assume we compromised because we don't have a garden but we didn't. We have a roof terrace which always looks beautiful in the spring and summer, thanks to Mr. S.'s wonderful hanging baskets and pots.

I think if you go ahead and put your house on the market you have to find somewhere. Think I’m looking for the impossible, meanwhile the years go by and I’m in a house too big and gardens I can’t manage. Perhaps if I had a partner or a child that wanted me near would give me an incentive to get moving. It’s the area I must have right, there isn’t the properties I need in it so I have to look further afield, then I give up my contacts and friends, so round and round I go.

'Happy Easter' dear friends.

That's so true Spring. Taking the decision to move because of estrangement isn't easy, especially when you never thought you'd leave the home where you'd raised your family.

Doing so for us, was accepting what had happened and that there was nothing we could do about it. So there comes a time to embrace this new phase in your life and focus on what you have, what the future holds and not just on what you have lost.

You'll find the right place. It may be like it was for us, we thought we'd found it until we got back the surveyors report. Then we found this one which had only just gone on the market so had we gone ahead with the other purchase, we would never found the one we've made our home.

It's good that you've got all those DIY jobs finished hugshelp. Keep looking, there's somewhere out there for you, you just haven't found it yet.

I love your thoughts on moving house spring20 - that's exactly how we feel. And yeah, we're starting to watch out for properties now and there's not much about. Enjoy your walks.

We spent the day decluttering and cleaning bedroom one. Now the DIY jobs are done we're working away around doing the big clean up. Only popped out into the sun briefly but it did dry lots of washing.

Appreciate all the comments re moving house. There does feel something significant about leaving the family home after an estrangement - a sort of acceptance that we are now in a new phase, with new focus. That life is now different and new friends and activities are to be made and enjoyed. The problem is finding the right place - there doesn’t seem to be much on the market right now! Off for a short break on Tuesday….looking forward to some good walks. Most of our decisions get made out walking!! Hope you’re all having a lovely weekend and enjoying sunshine!

You've all got me chomping at the bit wanting to get on with house moving though nervous about the pitfalls of course.

I do hope you feel better soon DSL

Have a Happy Easter everyone.