Friendship,advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

I'm back!

What a wonderful exhausting day, did around 18,000 steps and saw most of London.

Estranging is the last thing I wanted btw.

Tried everything to prevent it.

Even giving my reason in a kind considerate way.

When I was very ill 2 years ago, and not really in control of my mind and body unknown to me, I actually answered my mother and said the rudest thing I have ever said in my life. Id never even sworn in front of her. I called her a "bitter narcissistic old woman". She replied "That's just what I would expect from you", and I realised she had been saying all the horrible things she had by message and deliberately pushing my buttons so she could say "see!" when I finally did blow up.

Since I've been recovering, I've been working on removing those triggers so that they won't ever hurt me again.

It really is her problem, not mine.

I'm just trying to live my life and be happy

Absolutely, Allsorts.?

I don’t think there is a greater love or bond than a mother feels for her child, instant love and protection. Your life changes the minute you hold and see them, that is why being estranged as a mom is the hardest thing. I do find it upsetting that some seem to think to be estranged you are an abuser, I don’t want to hear it or read it, it’s salt in the wound. I will not get into an exchange with them, it’s irrelevant to me,My hope is that this is a safe place for people thinking and coping as I do, supporting each other.

DL what about PHABS??

No, apparently, they would have to be BAPS - "boyfriends and partners", as "husband" is seen as an old fashioned term lol

They did well, but must confess to preferring the men's game...I'm getting braced to spend a stressed out `December, because it's from Qatar, watching the England Men's team lashing it up in a penalty shoot out ?

You're right DL we see posts on GN from those who had very good reasons to estrange as well as posts from EP's and EGP's in the majority of those, control does seem to be a common denominator.

Yes I do remember that song Dotcom and sometimes wonder where our ES goes to at night and what his dreams consist of.

HABS well why not and you're not alone at being miffed about them not getting an open topped bus. Not a good look for the FA is it.

Do you remember the Peter Sarstedt song “Where do you go to my lovely when you’re alone in your bed?” Often sing that when I’m thinking of my daughter.

Agree, she’s been torn out of our lives and we are not the same.
But we’ll adjust and carry on and live our best life.

On the wonderful win of our Lionesses, was more than miffed at them not being treated the same as males..they should have been hailed and given an open topped bus!
Also was pondering whether they’ll have HABS instead of WAGS?

I think, for some, there are very, very good reasons to estrange.

But, for others, it seems that it's about control.

Some of these estrangers use it as a weapon to either try to force the estranged into falling in with their demands, which can be financial or otherwise.

The grandchildren are sometimes used as little weapons in all this, because some ACs know that grandparents will do virtually anything to avoid losing contact with their GCs.

My DH has got two (now adult), grandsons who we wouldn't recognise if we passed them in the street. They have been used to try and control my DH for 18 years.

Some grandparents throw the towel in because they know they can't win, with ever changing goalposts from the ACs, but others hold on, trying to keep it all sweet.

It's wrong to generalise because every single case of estrangement is different.

But, I do think there's a certain amount of power play going on, at times.?

Thanks Yogin. You're not alone, I find those ads particularly annoying in fact, I find all ads particularly annoying.

I think you're right about the difference between a mother's and I'd say father's love for their child and a child's love for their parent(s).

"It completely ripped me apart, I will never recover from it" I don't think we will either Yogin.

Your GS sounds like a little character Whiff, a chip off his GM's block if I'm not mistaken.

I feel your pain DL and often swear and sweat a lot trying to get through the ridiculous amount of packaging we all have to fight with nowadays.

Well I've made the most of a cooler and cloudy day by cleaning my inside windows. Just the 2 bedrooms, utility room and bathroom to do now. Wont take long and I must say I'm feeling rather pleased with myself.

Yoginimeisje

Does anyone else get irritated by the constant interruptions with unrelated, pointless, stupid and moronic adverts we get during videos on YouTube?

Yes, I hate YouTube. I know it can be useful, but I dislike using it.?

Does anyone else get irritated by the constant interruptions with unrelated, pointless, stupid and moronic adverts we get during videos on YouTube?

QuoteSmileless2012 Mon 01-Aug-22 10:56:26
Excellent post Smiles

DL if your DGS couldn't get you up on your feet with that very sweet telling off, I really don't know what would! But well done you

Sorry to hear how hard you find the ann. of your DH passing DSL, same as Whiff Hope you get some news from your son re his birthday.

Allsorts you're right about there is a difference between estranging and being estranged, as the one doing the estranging is doing what they what to do, the estranged are not. Also there is a difference between a mother's love for her child and that of a child for it's mother, we here can all see that clearly.

I am without doubt a different person to before I was estranged by my once adored D. It completely ripped me apart, I will never recover from it.

Still catching up on all the posts, 2 pages to go.....

Had to go back a page you are so right Allsorts . Like you the worst thing that happened to me was my husband dieing . You would think that we had enough grief in our lives without estrangement causing more.

I don't think anyone here has estranged teenage children but children in 20+ and upwards. My son will be 35 week on Saturday . It's like he missed out on his teenage tantrum and decided to have it at nearly 33.

I will never understand children who come from loving caring families turning on their parents. When their are children who long to have all the advantages we gave ours.

DiamondLily sorry your husband still being hassled. Your stepson is like a broken record same thing over and over again.

I am lucky to have the silence as I don't think I would put up with what some of you are. After letting my son know my diagnosis and him not sending me a simple text let me know loud and clear he hates me. But that is his choice. I can't and won't turn the love off for him and my grandson's. But I suppose the love I have for him is for the loving caring son I had not who he is now.

Know what you mean about packaging DiamondLily some companies go mad with it especially things that aren't breakable . I can't buy things that are cheaper sometimes because I can't open them. Bleach is perfect eg used to buy Sainsbury's but no longer able to push ,pinch and twist even with rubber gloves. So the only 1 I can open is domestos as it has a small tapered lid easy to open with rubber gloves.

Glad you enjoyed the read and sunshine Smiles.

Had my youngest grandson while my daughter had some physio. When the sun went behind some clouds we could go into the garden before that to hot. He did just as his brother did liked walking on my large rockery stones except the little terror went to step on a plant. So put on my monster voice and said no and hauled him off he thought it was hilarious. So terror kept doing it. We had a lovely time . Seeing what he does I can imagine my son's youngest doing the same things.

But I know how lucky I am to have my daughter and her family. Mind you she did laugh at me yesterday I had opened windows and then thought better check before she comes to see if I can lock them. And couldn't push, twist and turn the key. So asked her to do it. Then realise you don't need to push to lock just turn the key???. Only lived here 3 years next week. Even in the hot weather I don't open the windows as I hate fly's getting in.

DerbyshireLass hope you are feeling bit better today. Hopefully the surveyor will send in his report quickly and then things can start moving again.

Smileless2012

Well your SS is certainly persistent that's for sure DL. A situation where the peace and quiet of estrangement despite the heartache, does have some benefits.

I'll have a mental imagine of the person throwing the ball and watching as I refuse to react and just let it fall at my feet.

Spent the afternoon yesterday enjoying the and the book I'm currently reading. Raining here at the moment but should clear up this afternoon.

Cloudy, but very muggy here. Sweaty weather, and horrible.?

We've got two new sofas coming on Thursday (hopefully), and SIL and GS's are taking our old ones out tomorrow night to put outside, for the Council to collect.

We've got to clear our DVD/CD cabinet to make more room by the door to do all this.

To save hurling all of the CDs/DVDs in one large box, mixing them up, I ordered some specific "removal boxes" for them.

It seemed like a plan...?

The boxes came, flat-pac, wrapped in plastic and tape. We thought we'd unwrap them, and see how to put them up ready.

It's took us 20 minutes, with scissors, a knife, a penknife and finally a small hacksaw, just to get the boxes out of this wrapping..,?

There was much sweating and sweating - I wish companies would stop with all this OTT wrapping. Cardboard can't break, so why wrap it up like that?

Jeez...?

Well your SS is certainly persistent that's for sure DL. A situation where the peace and quiet of estrangement despite the heartache, does have some benefits.

I'll have a mental imagine of the person throwing the ball and watching as I refuse to react and just let it fall at my feet.

Spent the afternoon yesterday enjoying the and the book I'm currently reading. Raining here at the moment but should clear up this afternoon.

Morning all

Off for our day out with a slight hangover and not enough sleep.

Trying to figure out what to wear to mitigate whatever the Great British weather throws at us.

Hope you have a good day

Smileless2012

I read this somewhere DL but can't remember where 'when someone throws a ball up in the air, doesn't mean you have to catch it'.

You don't have to catch the balls your stepson throws. Just let them fall to the ground.

I'd cheerfully drop the ball, blank and ignore SS, but when DHs phone starts bouncing around, with the usual stream of texts, he cannot ignore it.

I say to him to just switch the phone off, and we'll clear them all off at bedtime, but it's like an itch DH has to scratch.?

Then it's all stress again.

SS doesn't get what he wants, but he persists. I do wonder at the mentality of someone that's beating the same demands and threats drum for years, never gets his own way, but who still carries on.

I suppose he thinks we will give in for a quiet life.?

I read this somewhere DL but can't remember where 'when someone throws a ball up in the air, doesn't mean you have to catch it'.

You don't have to catch the balls your stepson throws. Just let them fall to the ground.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Allsorts ... oh I do. His selfish and idiotic son is not going to trash our lives. He can have his tantrums without us joining his party. ?

I have a new phone and it doesn't understand me at all, really frustrating Allsorts

well I read through everything but miss the errors Allsorts.

I read through everything, no errors, press send and immediately something alters, it’s so frustrating.