Yes, between a rock and hard place describes my predicament at the time. I decided "better the devil you know". I was only 16, but even at that age I knew enough about the care system to be wary.
I could have jumped from the frying pan into the fire, I wasn't prepared to take the risk.
At the time I was at college. I decided to take control, I left college, gave up on further education or thoughts of going to university and got a job. Best thing I ever did. Earning my money lessened his power over me and gave me my first taste of freedom.
I didn't need to estrange, Instead I learned how to handle him. Financial independence was part of my strategy.
No regrets......yes my life would have been easier with a decent education although but I continued to educate myself and eventually went to university when I was 40.
I learned to stand on my own two feet and how to stand up to bullies. I have never been bullied by anyone since then. I learned how to fight back.
I refused to be a victim and I refused to let my childhood define me as an adult. I also refused to let anger and bitterness spoil my chances of a happy life. I chose happiness, I chose life.
I forged my own path, yes I made mistakes, mistakes that I wouldn't have made if I had had two loving parents to guide me. But I don't beat myself up over those mistakes.
My life has been fantastic, a wonderful marriage to the most amazing man, two healthy children, a nice home, an interesting career, I've travelled the world and had fun and adventures.
Now my amazing man is sadly dead but I'm happy enough. Life is good.
My father lived till he was 90. He reaped what he had sown. His life was not a happy one. I never deserted him, I helped him in his declining years, watched over him, made sure he was ok. He was cantankerous and difficult to the end and we never did have any "Golden Pond" moments.
But my conscience is clear. I was a good daughter even if he wasn't a good father.