My younger daughter has 5 children. We moved about 100 miles away 15 years ago. Daughter was already married. My husband and I both still work, getting close to retirement. We call and ask to see the kids about once a month, or we drive to their house to see their family. We have supported this daughter through a rocky start to her marriage, through financial difficulties, through their own parenting problems with their children. Stuff couples go through. We do not give unsolicited advice and try very hard to treat them as grownups, which of course they are. We had parents that were very controlling and we try very hard to respect their decisions, even if we don’t agree. The problem is that our daughter says that she wishes we could be closer to the children, that she just expected a closer relationship than what we have with the kids. But when we ask if the kids can come over, she says that we don’t have a close relationship with them. She says the kids are busy or don’t want to visit. However, when we have dropped in to see them , the kids always ask about coming over. We are the ones that always call to ask about visiting, we make the drive to pick up the kids and bring them back 95% of the time. We have never told them no if they needed us to keep the kids, not since the first was born over 20 years ago. I travel a good bit for work but make an effort to visit or ask to have the kids over whenever I am home every month. She also says that we make time for vacations but not to see the kids. She says that she can’t imagine not being interested in everything her future grandchild will do. She has questioned why I work, she doesn’t. My feelings are that these are personal decisions and we each as grownups get to make them. I would never criticize her choices in that regard however she criticizes mine. I honestly think that no matter what we did, she wouldn’t be satisfied. If we lived next door and were at her house every day, she would complain about that. Fact is, I love my children and grandchildren, however, I don’t think I need to devote myself to them at the expense of doing t-other things I enjoy. I don’t think that makes me selfish. Just venting. She is not going to change. Just trying to get along right now but disappointed that this has to be so hard. I should add that we have 3 other kids who have children and we make an effort to see them regularly as well.
Naked pair enjoy meal in non-naturalist pub.