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Complete breakdown in relationship between mother and daugher

(6 Posts)
LadyHonoriaDedlock Fri 04-Nov-22 14:42:33

Have any of you ever experienced anything like this? Soon after my father died in 1977 (far too young, but he did kipper his lungs for years) my sister and our mother had a big falling out. Each would phone me to tell me how dreadful the other was but neither would tell me what it was about. This went on, becoming more and more acrimonious, for the remaining 39 years of mum's life, with my sister eventually cutting me out too, as well as cutting mum off from her grand and great-grand children. My sister was very much her father's daughter, while I inclined to mother. It was left to me to provide support to mum in her long final decline, and when she died my sister didn't even bother to turn up for the funeral.

I suppose I'll never know what this was all about. Are any of you able to offer any clues as to how this came about?

Shelflife Fri 04-Nov-22 15:36:26

This sounds a complex situation and I suspect there is more to the story than you know. Are you able to speak to your sister and find out what on earth has happened?

Hithere Fri 04-Nov-22 15:42:23

It is not surprising for a person who goes NC not to attend the funeral

I dont think anybody here can tell you much how it came about

It can be many things: incompatibility of personalities, cannot agree to disagree on something, etc.

Allsorts Sat 05-Nov-22 16:43:04

It’s too late to find out, they both were obviously happy not to see each other. I find it strange you never tried to find out when they sounded off at you about each other, wouldn’t expect sister to attend the funeral if she hated her so much.. Neither come out of it well.

VioletSky Sat 05-Nov-22 16:45:45

What did they say about each other?

I don't have any answers sorry, some people just don't get on but maybe there are clues in what they told you about each other?

Smileless2012 Sun 06-Nov-22 09:47:56

As Allsorts has posted, it's too late to be able to find out why this happened. For some who estrange family members, it doesn't feel appropriate to go to the funeral of the person they estranged and wouldn't be welcomed by other family members if they did.

Try not to dwell on this.