Friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

It's about a year since my son cut us all out of his life. I worry about him still and miss him more than I can say. I left the way back open, but it looks more and more like he won't get in touch with any of us. I'm not looking for advice, just emoting.

Whiff I can just see you wearing that .

Grandmabatty we always worry, it's what parents do.

I too think zero contact is better than constant treading on eggshells or hostile contact whiff. I agree good friends can become your new family. And you know they've chosen to be in your life.
"I'm not clumsy just the floor hates me . The table and chairs are bullies. And the walls get in my way." - I can relate to that. I walk into everything on my blind side, bump into things on my half-blind side, and every so often the CFS is severe enough to take my legs from under me. I want that on a t-shirt.

Strong cold wind here too smiles. Glad Mr S is back safe and sound. Shame the cockapoo was quite that excited, poor thing. At least you didn't greet him that way! Glad the signing is going well again. Our interests and the friends we meet through them are so important.
Last time I saw my ES, only on a photo, I didn't think it looked like him at all. He doesn't look well, and I do think his mental health isn't good. It is a shock when you barely recognise them and they look awful.

Wise words onwards. We really can feel like we are losing ourselves when others dominate us. Everything you say strikes a chord with me.

Baked some bread this afternoon. First baking session here. Decided to say hang it to the repairs etc and enjoy my new kitchen today.
Writing group for tonight. One of my writer friends is nuts about Dolly Parton and has just had her birthday. I crocheted her a Dolly - not made one of those before and not sure if it looks like her but it was fun and went down well.

I love Dolly! Well done

That did make me laugh hugs, not sure what Mr. S. would have thought if I'd thrown my tea up too.

Glad you are enjoying your new kitchen Hugs. Lovely to fill your new home with the smell of fresh bread too! The photos we saw at Christmas left me feeling sad too as I also didn’t think our EC looked well. Realised is much easier to cope if you believe them to be well and happy. But how can they be, because like for us E never leaves them and there are triggers everywhere. I’ve battled a few this week and am on the verge of giving up on a long standing friend because of her ongoing insensitivity. Glad you have Mr S safely back Smileless, and that you’ve sorted your exercise class Whiff. Welcome from me to the new folk too. There are times when you need to off load….and we unfortunately know exactly how you are feeling. This is a therapeutic space though and an important part of accepting what is.

Grandmabatty this is a safe place to write what you want. I ramble but find writing how I feel helps me . And thankfully no one minds my rambles.

Hugs love the Dolly Parton knew who it was as soon as I saw the picture. Pity you don't live near me as my craft group would welcome you with open arms. Its the love of craft that brought us together we would never have met any other way. But our group works we are all different and no matter how ill or what's going on in our lives we still met for 2 hours every week and feel better for it.

I envy you making bread unfortunately my bread making days are over. There is nothing nicer than the smell of baking bread and of course fresh bread and butter. Yum. Glad you feel so at home . Enjoy your writing group.

After Arwen and the other storms last year that blew most of my panels out of my greenhouse. When they where replaced my son in law glued them inplace on the outside and I taped them on the inside. I weighted some pond netting by tieing a bag in each corner made from old tights and filled with pea gravel and threw it over my greenhouse and fastened it to the greenhouse with plastic ties and covered the net on the ground with rocks. Sounds over kill but it's worked as . We have had very strong winds and storms and everything stayed in place. I kept forgetting I don't live far from the sea.

Hard to believe this time last weekend I was looking forward to my brother's and sister in law's visit. Time really does fly.

Lazy day today so after my natter with my friend in the Midlands I will have a cross stitch day .

Have a good weekend everyone.

Love the doll Hugs That's very clever of you, especially as you have sight problems. I had two made in the likeness of my lost GC. By mistake I got a double order but thought 'never mind' I'll keep one set and give the other to GC when I next see them, waiting a long time for that day!

Nice to hear Mr.S got back ok and that the doggies were so pleased to see him again. If I just pop out for an hour my little dog greets me like I've been away a week! Good you're back to your singing Smiles

Like your saying Whiff about your stumbles.

We can all relate to your posts Onwards

Still reading rest of posts, with a coffee as waiting for the rain to stop before going walkies and feeding the Swans, that's if the seagulls don't get in first!

Yes Whiff time really does fly, but remember you are the pilot!

Went to see Dolly Parton at the O2 with my DD, she was fantastic!

Grandmabatty it's good to post your feelings on here, even if you don't need advice, it just gets it all out and makes you feel better.

Nice to see your post Spring [wish it was] In lockdown I baked my own sourdough bread and made lots of cakes, but now I'm back to work I don't seem to find the time anymore.

Love the doll! Hugshelp

Thanks to you all for your understanding!

Hope your saturday is not as rainy as mine!

Well, I believe I and all of us who are estranged because we have resisted being controlled should be proud of ourselves for being who we are.

My son was trying to control what I thought, my beliefs//faith and even my medical decisions. He even (and I haven't written this before) tried to prevent me paying into any type of pension.

I knew 100% that the way my son was acting was in breach of my Human Rights and it was abusive. Stepping back was my decision and I don't regret the peace it has brought. I do think of him every day and send him love. I do hope he finds peace and healing, but I do not miss being his target for all that is wrong in his life.

I believe that H has breached the RF's Human Rights. I also think he is suffering from Messiah Complex, which I believe my son was also suffering from in trying to change my beliefs and control my life. I do believe he meant well in some ways, but was dominated by hatred in other ways. It's all terribly sad but we do deserve peace and we can't change other people.

We can, however, change the topics of our obsessions and strive to focus on healthier topics. Constantly reliving one’s own trauma and reinforcing self-perceived victimhood helps no one. Healthy coping does not entail repeating over and over and over how wronged you were. Best for anyone in a situation of familial fracture to move on. More dignified to not mention daily those who have forgotten us for all we know. This is so much more harmful than therapy, especially when you haven’t given therapy a try.

Rgallina.

Estrangement is a form of living bereavement is it not. Would you tell a parent whose child had died to "move on".

There ARE no time limits to grief, whether it's death or estrangement. Healing takes as long as it takes.

And your critique of this thread is way off mark. This thread serves as a unique and valuable resource to those who cannot find the help and support they need in real life. The estranged can come on here and bare their soul, and receive support and friendship.

Please don't knock this thread, to many it is a lifesaver.

Rgallina enjoy knocking this thread all you like. It won't stop old and new people needing it and finding the friendship,advice , support and understanding I have. The support thread has and continues to be a lifeline for me. People like you have come and gone and the support thread continues which proves how much it is needed now and in the future. Many read the thread but feel unable to post as they are hurting. But Smiles , Yogin and other long timers have opened their arms to all forms of estrangement and have never wavered in their committment to have a safe place for all that need it. And I am very glad for that.

I've only just joined this thread Rgallina and I am finding it helpful in navigating my feelings and the loss of my son. I don't find your comments helpful in the least.

Rgallina

We can, however, change the topics of our obsessions and strive to focus on healthier topics. Constantly reliving one’s own trauma and reinforcing self-perceived victimhood helps no one. Healthy coping does not entail repeating over and over and over how wronged you were. Best for anyone in a situation of familial fracture to move on. More dignified to not mention daily those who have forgotten us for all we know. This is so much more harmful than therapy, especially when you haven’t given therapy a try.

It would be more dignified of you to go where you do not feel the need to pass judgement on subjects that you clearly have no empathy for.

You have no idea what any of us have or havent tried and you have no right to tell any of us what we should or shouldn't discuss. You are wasting your time.

Actually ladies, it's probably a troll and we should not feed it. I think it's probably best to ignore it... (wishing I had not responded to it now!)

Hope you're all having a good sunday ladies

Good evening ladies, hope you've all had a good day.

Did you manage to feed the swans and avoid being mobbed by seagulls Yogin? I love to see and hear them, they're beautiful birds and as you know it's one of the things I love about living here, but they can be aggressive and the greater black back gulls are huge.

Absolutely Onward we have much to be proud of; taking back control of our lives, moving on and rebuilding them.

It would appear that this thread is not for you Rgallina, one size does not fit all but as DSL has posted, it is a unique and valuable resource providing support and friendship for anyone who seeks it.

It provides its own kind of therapy which many have benefited from over the last 10 plus years and for me, is the only therapy I need.

You're spot on Whiff, the continued existence of this particular thread speaks for itself.

It's good to know that you're finding this thread beneficial Grandmabatty.

We've had a lovely day. Mr. S's. sister and b.i.l. came for lunch which if I do say so myself was rather lish. They arrived just in time to see DS on face time which was really lovely as they haven't seen him for more than 4 years.

Glad you've had a lovely day Smileless. How lovely that you've had wonderful company and talked to your DS on Facetime too!

I agree with everything you've said and will not let a troll tell me what I can and can't discuss online. I can't really imagine why "some people" think they can police or control what other's talk about in an online and anonymous chat forum, or why they think that anyone would listen to them trying to shut down what we are finding helpful.

It's been so rainy here, but we did see a beautiful rainbow when out in the countryside. We've eaten well (a bit too well!) The weekend has gone fast!

I love seeing rainbows Onward being so close to the sea we get quite a few here. Not managed to find a pot of gold yet though x

Ah that's nice Smileless, we were also close to the sea today but probably in a different part of the UK

No pot of gold here either but just booked a holiday and that's something to look forwards to.

Oooh where will you be going Onward? Mr. S. has been looking on line at holiday cottages where we can take our dogs. Our lodge is wonderful but I fancy going somewhere different and further afield.

TY grandmabatty

It's a shame when friends are insensitive but if people cause us more pain than joy we don't really need them in our lives.
Ty Whiff - wish I did live nearer, I'd love to join your craft group. Lazy day for me too today.

oh wow Yogin I'm very envious of you going to see Dolly. How fabulous.

Ty onwards. I agree. We should be proud of us. We are warrior queens as whiff would say. Glad you've got a lovely holiday to look forward to. Where are you going?

Great to hear you had a lovely day Smiles.

Smileless2012

Oooh where will you be going Onward? Mr. S. has been looking on line at holiday cottages where we can take our dogs. Our lodge is wonderful but I fancy going somewhere different and further afield.

We will be going Norfolk way because of the Broads and DH wanting to do boating. We were going to stay on the riverside, but I was insisting on an enclosed outside area and we couldn't find one- so now we're staying at a fishing retreat with a hot tub.

I know it sounds really fussy but I really like to know that when I'm relaxing someone else's dog isn't going to jump all over me (or worse). One year we stayed at a place where a lady couldn't control her dogs and they ran inside someone's lodge and made mud go everywhere. Another day the same dogs ran all over our picnic! She laughed about it and said she would put them on a lead, but never did!

Its nice to go to different areas, isnt it! Which area do you fancy ? I would have preferred Cornwall but it isn't my choice this time. I did get the hot tub I wanted and the enclosed decking though.

Morning all

Another rainy day! Tried to feed the Swans but blooming seagulls got in first, a few ducks got their breakfast.

Yes, this is my therapy. No point going to a professional therapist if they have no understanding of estrangement, maybe that's what Rgallina is and is hoping for some new clients from here.

I woke up to a covering of snow this morning. We have blue skies and the temperature is -2°. Dgs1 is at nursery and dgs2 is in his cot hopefully going to sleep soon. I'm about to tidy the kitchen. I wish you all a good day.