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Friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

(1000 Posts)
Smileless2012 Mon 12-Dec-22 08:52:03

Here we are again dear friends, with the next support thread to help anyone whose life has been forever blighted by estrangement.

The tenth anniversary of our estrangement is fast approaching and for me, the care and friendship the support thread has given has been priceless, so as 2023 approaches let's keep doing all we can to be there for one another, and for the friends we've yet to meet.

Yoginimeisje Mon 12-Dec-22 10:16:44

Well done again Smiles My 10th ann. has been and gone now. Had that awful argument on our family 'whatsapp' group that got it closed down on my estD birthday. Was worried about my prev. in-laws thinking bad of me now even though they all sent me 'love & hugs' messages afterwards. Meet up with them all on Saturday for lunch near the Tower bridge and we had a lovely time, chatting as always with lots of love & hugs. No mention of the argument with my ex., so all behind me now thank God.

I posted on the previous page before I saw you'd started up a new thread, so I'll copy & paste it here too.

Yoginimeisje Mon 12-Dec-22 10:18:12

QuoteYoginimeisje Mon 12-Dec-22 10:00:45
It does catch up with you hugs when you move, such a lot to do and sort out, look at me, a year on and still have my old add on some sites. Got an email from Evri about delivery, same with them, uncontactable, apart from I can state 'leave on porch/door step' which I'll do. Just embarrassing having to phone the new owners of my old house. Got a dehumidifier to sort out the condensation, it's doing the job.

Hope your carol service went well Smiles sure it did. Thanks for lovely comments re Joey, he is adorable. Hope to get my Xmas tree today, if not def tomorrow, looking forward to putting it up and decorating inside and out.

Allsorts I don't have Netflix so can't view M&H, but I feel the same it's diabolical! Apparently King Charles has said he doesn't want them at his coronation. M&H are still using there royal titles though, they should hand them back if they feel so venomous against the royal family! They say they don't want to be in the limelight but are making millions on Netflix and personal appearances.

Madgran77 Tue 13-Dec-22 16:08:44

Hi All, Just to say I'm still around. As I said previously I am finding it difficult at the moment to think too much about estrangement ...its like a hovering vulture if I describe it pictorially!!

But I do read and know this is a difficult time of year for you all. xx

Purplepixie Tue 13-Dec-22 18:47:10

A hovering vulture is an excellent description.

Hope all goes well tomorrow for you Whiff at the funeral.

I just do not feel like putting the tree up this year but my youngest son will be here by 21st December so I must get it sorted by then.

Just finishing off a hat for a friend tonight.

Some shopping done this morning and while walking around the supermarket I just couldn’t help but have a little cry. Christmas tunes playing and I need a hug.

At home, hubby decided that he would freshly lag out the loft at the beginning of December. Nothing has been sorted up there from the days of his previous wife!!!! I was annoyed about that but I hate ladders and spiders so I kept away! Well, he brought loads of stuff out and piled the junk outside the back door ready to take to the tip - it still hasn’t happened. The last few days nothing has been done because his back is playing up. I know it sounds unreasonable when he is infact getting something done but I could scream. I just do not need this upheaval right now. My head goes back to my first husband the wife beater who insisted that we decorated either the kitchen, sitting room, or stairs in December. At the same time I was working part time, bring up the two eldest children and running about “buying’ christmas myself. Oh and it used to be me who did the wallpapering while he painted. All of this has burned into my head and now this.

Sorry for the rant but I had a fabulous day with my youngest son on sunday and I am finding it hard to be positive today. I know it will all come together and the place will be tidy by the big day but I feel anxious and wobbly!

Madgran77 Tue 13-Dec-22 21:22:46

Purplepixie flowers

Bridie22 Wed 14-Dec-22 07:31:54

Thanks for the new thread Smileless... Still here, still hoping!
Best wishes to all , Christmas is a hard time.

Smileless2012 Wed 14-Dec-22 13:01:55

Great to see some of you have found the new thread and are already postingsmile.

So glad that unfortunate incident is now behind you Yogin, just goes to show who the real vilain in the situation was, and it wasn't you.

I'm glad your 10th anniversary has come and gone. Ours is Christmas Eve!!! Couldn't be a worse date could it reallysad.

Mr. S. watched the first 3 episodes of H & M's fairy tale (grimgrin) as we do have Netflix but it's not for me so he'll watch tomorrow's in another room, then start telling me all about it until I can't stand anymore and say 'enough already'.

Hi Madgranflowers. You've described it very well as a 'hovering vulture'. They do hover don't they, waiting for their next meal.

You've been a great source of comfort, support and advice for a long time on the support thread and I know you know that we're all here for you when ever you need us to beflowers.

Bless you Bridie for still being here and still hoping. You take careflowers.

Madgran77 Wed 14-Dec-22 15:04:56

Thanks Smileless

Grandmabatty Wed 14-Dec-22 16:29:01

My son estranged from his entire family last New Year, completely out of the blue. His girlfriend dumped him and he took it very badly. He is my oldest child and I miss him so much. I find it too painful to talk about it.

Smileless2012 Wed 14-Dec-22 17:22:40

Grandmabattyflowers we all understand how painful it is to get through the day without the child we love and to all intense and purposes lost, and we also understand how difficult and painful it is to talk about.

Sharing our estrangement here on the support thread, with people I didn't know, but many who became good friends, was the best thing I could have done.

Even if you don't feel you can talk about your own situation, I hope that by reading about ours and seeing how against all the odds, we're managing to make the most of what we do have, will help you.

Beachgranny67 Wed 14-Dec-22 19:31:47

I just found gransnet today. It’s both unfortunate and heartwarming to see an estrangement section. 🥲 Both of my children aren’t speaking to me for reasons I’m not aware of, but I’m sure it’s my fault in some way. It always is. I have the Lord and He is mine, and I am His, when everyone else walks away. It’s just sad that my children and grandchildren make it more difficult than it has to be. 💔

Smileless2012 Wed 14-Dec-22 19:45:43

I remember the day I found GN Beachgranny and a support thread for estranged parents which it was then, now it's here to offer support for anyone whose life's been affected by it.

It was like being declared sane, knowing that we weren't the only ones and no longer had to feel that we are alone.

I have the Lord and He is mine, and I am His my faith and the friends and support I have found here for nearly 10 years has helped me to cope.

So a very warm welcome to youflowers.

Grandmabatty Wed 14-Dec-22 19:50:48

Thank you Smileless. What is difficult is when people ask if I've heard from him. I've tried to say stop asking but they don't listen. Or when mum badmouths him for cutting us off. He's my son and I'll always love him

Smileless2012 Wed 14-Dec-22 20:27:35

That is a difficult one Grandmabatty and in my experience what works best is to say 'no' and immediately change the subject.

Your mum will be hurting for two reasons. She's been estranged by her GS but for her, the more painful and distressing thing is that you, the D she loves, has been estranged by your son. Not an easy thing for a mother to see their child go through.

My late m.i.l. wasn't one for displaying emotion and so I remember vividly when she mentioned our ES, about 7 years into our estrangement; we'll have been estranged 10 years on Christmas Eve.

I started to cry and she put her arms around me (not unusual) and then she cried too, which was very unusual. We hurt for those we love who are hurting. I know it's hard when anyone bad mouths the ones we love, but try and remember that your mum's hearth aches for you, probably more than it does for herflowers.

Beachgranny67 Thu 15-Dec-22 00:15:17

Thank you, Smileless2012. I look forward to meeting others. 😁

Allsorts Thu 15-Dec-22 08:56:56

I watched a documentary of Thomas Markle on Ch 5. I couldn't find anything interesting so I gave it a go. It’s worth seeing the other side. He is no angel but essentially a decent man. It shows how once these self obsessed children dump you, they deny their happy childhood although the evidence is right there. With M is was thousands of photos, videos and letters. However, once estranged, she didn’t bother with him when in hospital seriously ill and near dying, the hospital records are shown, instead she bad mouthed him. He said the girl he knew has gone, he doesn’t know her anymore. I’ve always said, goodness knows what’s being said about me.
Glad people are coming out and talking about the fall out of being estranged as it was hidden away for so long.

Yoginimeisje Thu 15-Dec-22 09:12:21

Morning all and welcome to Grandmabatty &Beachgranny67

Well my Xmas tree is up and looking beautiful! Still to do outside lights and finish off inside. Bought a lovely artificial tree for the kitchen, all ready decorated with lights and baubles, we are having our Xmas dinner there so needed to make it look festive.

Chatting with 2 of my students before our class began, talking about the dwindling presents under the tree as the C grow up. I said then the GC arrive and the mountain of presents return they then asked if I have GC yes I braised myself as they asked how many? and then; Oh how old?
I answered 4 GC ages 4,7 & 11,12 bitter sweet reply!

Purplepixie Thu 15-Dec-22 11:17:40

Welcome Grandmabatty and Beachgranny67. this is a wonderful site and it has helped me through some really bad days.

I am estranged from my daughter for 8 years now (10th December) and one year from my eldest son (20th December).

I have sent off my eldest son’s two children their parcels of sweets and cash via DPD and I am hoping to drop my daughters two children’s presents off at their other grandparents house on tuesday. All stressful. Thankfully I have a fantastic youngest son who should be here by 22nd December until 27th/28th December.

I had a good cry this morning in the shower - it hurts to think that I am not part in any way, of their plans.

My grand children are 16,15,13 and 12 years old. I cannot remember the last time I was at any of their carol services etc. It is so sad.

One of my friends is phoning this afternoon for a good old natter and hopefully catch up again over the holidays.

Take care all of my lovely virtual friends flowers

Whiff Thu 15-Dec-22 11:27:34

Had a ramble on the tail end of the previous support thread. Welcome Grandmabatty and Beachgranny67 . It's a club no of us wanted to join but you will find everything you need here advice if you want it, help , understanding and most importantly friendship from people who know what you are feeling.

Yesterday at the funeral there was moment when someone asked me how many grandchildren I had as my daughter was with I was for a second going to say 2 but I couldn't do it so said 5 which is have. My son doesn't want me and by now the 2 eldest will have forgotten me and the little never got the chance . But they are still my family. I don't ever want to be like my mother in law and denie my husband every exist or that she had 2 grandchildren.

It doesn't bother her I talk about her brother or her nephews but she hates the fact it hurts me.

Anyway I rambled enough on the other part. Off to my craft group secret Santa wonder what I will get and who from . Take care all.

Whiff Thu 15-Dec-22 16:31:15

Had a wonderful time at craft group this is my secret Santa made by the lovely Liz . I have named him Pix.

Allsorts Thu 15-Dec-22 23:02:57

Whiff, glad you were there for your friend, the hamper is a lovely thoughtful thing to do.
Purplepixie, your other half is testing your patience I think. No wonder those needles never stop.
Although I don't watch H and M, you can't help but see the pair on tv and in the papers, what they have said about W and Kate is shameful, I would have them in the tower. Hopefully this will all backfire on them but they will be counting their dollars for a long time.
Welcome Grandma batty and Beachcomber, sorry how raw you must be feeling, I have been estranged so many years, but it still gets to me at times, I don't know my own d anymore and it's too late it us but still miss what it should have been.
Yoga glad you had a good meet up, it's been quite a year for you.

Smileless2012 Fri 16-Dec-22 09:44:02

Mr. S. spent years, yes years worrying about what was being said about us Allsorts, especially for the first 4 years when we lived just down the road from them. I would say to him over and over again that it's not worth worrying about. There's nothing we can do about it and none of it will be true so they'll just have to get on with it.

I can't begin to imagine what the H & M sideshow must be like for the RF, with the lies and self pity being broadcast to the worldsad.

Glad you got you've got your Christmas decs sorted Yogin. Mr. S. does the outside lights including the amazingly bright stag. I watch through the kitchen windowgrin.

This year we have Father Christmas chair covers for our dining table chairs, all 6 of them. I think Mr. S. thought it was a step too far when I came home with them, but of course they look fabulousgrin.

I think that little knitted pixie is the perfect gift for you Whiff. I always think of pixies as busy folk, always on the go, creative, chatty and make good friendssmile.

hmm the question we dread isn't it Yogin. I tend to say that we have two, but as we've never been allowed to have a relationship with them we're GP's in name only.

Goodness, is it 8 years Pixieshock. I think we sometimes lose track of how long its been for ourselves and one another until the dreaded anniversary comes around again.

Our church had a children's nativity this week and is having a christingle service on Sunday. Neither of which we ever attend as it's just too upsetting to be reminded of what we never got to experience with our GC.

Normandygirl Fri 16-Dec-22 15:25:34

Can't stop crying today, thought I was coping with estrangement OK, but today we are creating Santa's grotto in an old stable in our garden and DH is fully attired in his Santa outfit. It all looks wonderful, mince pies all made and mulled wine ready, Christmas carols playing. Our neighbours and friends children and grandchildren will arrive after dark.
BUT...... half of our grandchildren will be missing along with AC's and it is just breaking my heart.

Normandygirl Fri 16-Dec-22 15:42:36

Even I don't recognise DH !

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