Friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

Allsorts my DD & I were talking about estD/S this morning and said that no doubt her no good H has told her that if she left him he would make sure she never sees the C again. My DD is following a story online with just this scenario, and now that her H has moved with her boys the authorities refuse to tell her where they are!

Sorry Yoga, it must be even worse knowing your daughter is not happy. Since I opened up about estrangement to my friends I was surprised to find that nearly everyone had someone they were estranged from in their family.No one with a daughter though.
I only kept what I wore, both in clothes and jewellery, so don’t miss them, but have bought three more jumpers which defeats
the object.
Spring, if in doubt I photograph where my car is.

Why do we bother to check the forecast and believe it?.

Forecast was for showers clearing at 10.30 am on two different sites. It was lovely and sunny and then chucked it down at 10.30 am. It's brightening up but we got caught out when painting the outside of our flat and ended up with a lot of white paint being washed off the walls.

Can't take the risk because it would ruin our new decking. Best laid plans .........

Yes I've kept all the jewellery that Mr. S. has bought me over the past 45 years Yogin. He has very good taste of course, well he married me didn't he.

Oh what a shame that you couldn't get a sitter. Hopefully it'll come round again and you'll get to see it then.

That must have been frustrating Spring and I apologise that it made me laugh too.

It might sound silly but I felt rather good after stage one of our decluttering. I have a lot of ornaments, tea sets and dinner sets which are all on display so don't feel the need to get rid of any of those at the moment, but in our basement where we have a small study and second living room, we also have a large store room so that will be a big job which we'll tackle once we've sorted the garage.

Rather than downsizing when we moved here, we upsized because we fell in love with this fabulous house, and the purchase price was less than what we sold for.

Having a lot of stuff doesn't bother me, it's the stuff that I know we don't need because we never use, or I don't want on display, that I want to get rid of.

At least what we don't want will hopefully raise some money for good causes Allsorts. We cut down on charity giving when Mr. S. retired so it's good to know that we're still helping out, all be it in a smaller way.

Today we'll be painting the walls of our roof terrace so they look as smart as the new decking and then Mr. S.will do his thing with hanging and wall baskets.

We'll need to wrap up warm as it's very cold here but we should get it finished today and I'll have my chicken soup using yesterday's carcass on the go so that'll be something warm and tasty to look forward too for lunch.

Grandmabatty

Yoga I meant Christmas 2021. Not Christmas just passed. Bad communication! However thank you for your kind words

Sorry GMB and sorry it's been so long for you too.

Lovely dragon Whiff I first thought that picture of your greenhouse was a trolly of cakes

Thank you Smiles My DD phoned to ask if we were going to see the 'King & I', that's without my mentioning it, but 'sod's law' we couldn't get a babysitter, my son and DD H were both working late! Keep your lovely jewellery Smiles. I too wear the same all the time, but all my Jewellery have special meanings & memories to them. Well done on sorting your townhouse.

Allsorts not so sure about the 'happy' with my estD.

Spring xx

Good to hear about the decluttering going on. I too only tend to wear a few pieces of jewellery now - gold ear studs and gold chain, or pearl ear studs and necklace if I’m dressing up, and my watch. I like keeping things simple, especially as we get older. I have very few ornaments but do like to treat us to some nice flowers every so often. Same with alcohol - we don’t drink much so when I do buy wine I try to get a nice bottle.
We’ve also simplified our finances, so hopefully will be few problems for our non estranged children to sort after we go.
A lot of our thinking is about what we can do now to age proof the future - which sounds a bit morbid I know! We returned from a holiday recently and spent an hour wandering around the long stay car park because neither of us could remember where we’d parked! Fortunately we saw the funny side of it - and got a lot of unexpected steps in!! Next time we’ve decided we’ll send ourselves an email to say where the car is so we don’t forget! Glad you are dry and problems sorted Smileless. Love the dragon Whiff - another of your many talents!

Thank you Smileless. I too have reduced all my belongings, anything not worn 3 years has gone, ornaments I’ve had as presents and just kept them in case the people who bought it visited, unused kitchen gadgets and crockery etc not used all gone too.. I haven't missed them I just hope they all sell and the charities benefit. In the end they are just things, some held specialty memories but I still have those in my head.
Yoga, after so long apart we have lost so much, it’s strange thinking of our loved ones happier without us.
Love the dragon Whiff. I detect a smile so he’s a nice one.

Morning everyone, how are you all doing?

It's good news that your rehab is starting Allsorts and hopefully it wont be too long before you begin to see some results.

You're right about our world shrinking as we get older, especially if we don't have AC with or without GC to share it with. Living alone must make everything much harder for you and I do admire the way you get on with life, despite the hurdles that you face and that despite what's been happening for the last 3 years in particular, you are here to give your support and advice to us all.

It's lovely to read about all of the wonderful activities you've shared with your GS Whiff. You have a great way of telling us all about it, makes me feel as if I was actually there with you and taking part.

Love the dragon, what are you going to do with it now it's finished? Too good to mount on a cushion cover. Think I'd frame it and have it on my wall.

Such a worry for you Grandmabatty especially if you think he may have had a breakdown following the breakup of a relationship.

It sounds as if your friend can't 'read the room' and although thinking she's being supportive is actually doing the opposite. Distancing yourself is a good idea and maybe doing that will make her realise where's she's going wrong.

I'd have loved to have gone to see 'The King and I' with you yogin; how disappointing that you couldn't get a group together to go. Don't let going alone put you off, go and have a great time.

You've supplied many wise words over the years, it's just that none sprung to mind when you posted the other day. I can still remember the joy you shared and was felt on this support thread when your son came back home. It must be lovely having him living with you now.

Feeling very pleased with myself after starting out big clear out yesterday. The content of two wardrobes halved. Some beautiful shoes, no not from my prized shoe collection; jackets and other items of clothing and rather a lot of handbags
. Mr. S. also discarded some lovely and rather expensive footwear.

It was hard because quite a few items were as good as new but what's the point of keeping it all? I also cleared out my jewellery of rather a lot of custom jewellery and several watches that are never worn.

There's going to be some lovely items on sale this week at the charity shop for sure!!!

I have kept various gold bracelets and necklaces that Mr. S. has bought me over the years that although I never wear them, couldn't part with. Having looked at them again has made me think that I really should. I tend to wear the same small selection, forgetting the other lovely pieces I have.

We also bit the bullet and discarded two of the three water features we have which TBH the roof terrace isn't really big enough for, so we've just kept one.

The new decking looks fabulous and after two prolonged and heavy rain falls we're bone dry so fingers crossed that after 6.5 years from when we first bought this amazing house, our water problems are now at an end.

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202304/medium-387313-img-20230418-172133922.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202304/medium-588293-img-20230418-112039804-hdr.jpg

Full view of my dragon and rest of my greenhouse.

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202304/medium-298370-img-20230418-171916931.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202304/medium-476182-img-20230418-112048181-hdr.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202304/medium-546813-img-20230418-112033187-hdr.jpg

Finished my latest cross stitch the other day hope you like it. Also included some pics of my greenhouse . Spent 2 hours weeding the front but limited to what I could do as we have high winds so was worried about falling .

Yoga I meant Christmas 2021. Not Christmas just passed. Bad communication! However thank you for your kind words

So nice to hear how well you've settled in Whiff to your new home & area and that your health is so much better.

As for our est.AC GMB as it's 'only' been since Xmas, I'd continue giving him space, as long as you know he's safe and well. I do know that it feels like forever since you've seen and spoken to him, but there really isn't anything you can do but wait for him to contact you, it's hard to do, but if you make contact, it may make him more determined to stay away!

I, Smiles & allsorts have waited more than 10yrs now, so,....trying to find some wise words, but I'm at a loss!

Yes, you're right what you say Allsorts about your world shrinking as you get older, I've found the same. My son living with me is good company & I still work part-time, keeping me active in mind & body and of course my lovely DD&GDs, but friends have disappeared somewhat since lockdown, so this makes it difficult in regard to going to the theatre & holidays. I set up a 'whatsapp' group of friends to go to see 'The King & I' at our local theatre, but no one was interested, my DD would come with me, but I know she isn't really interested, so only option is to go alone for the Saturday matinee

It's been lovely weather here too Smiless. I've been struggling to come to terms with my son's estrangement of his family. I'm fairly sure it was connected to his girlfriend dumping him at Christmas last year, as it all happened after that. I think he's probably had a breakdown. However he has rebuffed all attempts at contact from anyone, even some friends, so I have to assume this is what he wants at the moment. I sent him a message to tell him of the death of his godmother who he was fond of - nothing. I can't actually believe that this is the same person who was all about family up til last Christmas. I've left the way open for a rapprochement, but the silence upsets me. I think of him and worry about him every day. What doesn't help is a friend who constantly brings up his name in conversation and bad mouths him. I've distanced myself from her as I find that hard. I know she thinks she's being supportive but it's like little daggers in my heart. I've told her not to talk about him, but it's as if she can't help herself. Oh well, I'll plaster on my cheerful face for another day

Allsorts I hope the rehab will give you a new lease of life and you get to met new people. I have said before that moving for me was the best thing I could have done. I now live my life to the full no longer just exist as I did. Ok lost my son and grandson's 9 months after I moved but that was his choice not mine. But did get to see them every week for 7 months before Covid . But I have never had so many friends and wonderful neighbours. Finally found out all my health problems and having treatment which I could have had years ago if my old GP and neurologist had done their jobs better. But at least now I know ,while my mobility has gotten worse the main thing effecting my life the limb jerks and seizures have stopped thanks to my neurologist for 3 years. My heart condition is under control.

I hope you find a new life as it's what you need. You are never to old to make new friends and while your body is causing you problems.keeping your mind active is a must. I keep mine as active as possible mind you it does go walk about sometimes but I am doing everything I can to stave off the dreaded dementia. I do not want to end up like my mom. I do not want my daughter to go through what I did.

Your rehab Allsorts may lead to other things you can do. While it's good to hold on to old friends it gives you a new lease of life having new ones. As people get to know you without all your labels. Mentioned my craft group few times 😂 but they are a group of true friends in another life no of us would have met but every Thursday no matter how ill we feel we still met up and the 2 hours fly by. And we keep in touch daily with our closed what's app group. Our numbers are growing . People are welcome even if they don't craft but want a chat. Was told our group was the most successful in numbers and years running of all the groups that use the library. I joined in 2019 a week after my move here. Covid shut it down for a while but it was such a relief for us all once it reopened again.

The rehab group Allsorts hopefully will help with your mobility and lead to new things for you. I do hope so.

Estranged is mentally and physically draining. But we all reach a stage where we have to say enough is enough. I have reached that stage. But it's all down to this support thread without it I couldn't have reached that decision. But I can't live what ifs or hope my son will see sense. And as much as it hurt to make that decision it's also very freeing.

I hope one day my grandson's will find me but in the mean time I am very lucky to beable to have the close loving relationship with my daughter and her family. Was there Wednesday afternoon for play and dinner. The 2 year old called me nilly nannie he meant silly but he starts the games I just join in. The Thursday I had his brother we filled the day baking,planting seeds ,lunch then to the free library at the Methodist church. The one door was hanging off its hindge but he found the screws and I managed to get them back in using my letter box key. They where very small when I got home emailed the vicar and told her what happened and suggested using longer screws had a nice email back. But it was full of books and if we had left it as it was with the rain since they would have gotten wet. Anyway we went to the park by me and my grandson played with a 7 year old he was very good with him and showed my grandson how safely use the wobbly parallel bars. I had a nice chat with his dad.

On leaving the park a dog came up to us and my grandson was petting her. Her owner said she was a rescue dog. A man bred pit bulls and had used her to teach them to fight. How cruel some people are . I didn't know but dogs like peanut butter treats . While petting Trixie (🐕) a little terrier came and sat in front of her owner she said he always does that as he knows she will give him a treat. Then he ran off.

Once home we had hot chocolate and some TV. When my daughter and his brother came he cried he didn't want to go. Oh think I have said this before. 🤦. Got him again on the 2 nd teachers on strike. Will do different things. I feel so lucky my daughter and son in law trust me so much with my grandson's especially with the eldest as I looked after him while I still had the limb jerks. But I brought both the children up whilst having them and my health was worst than it is now and they never came to harm.

Whilst moving was a nightmare so glad I did it from what Smiles and Yogin have said it was a good move for them . I know moving for my brother and sister in law has given them a new lease of life. Finally my sister in law is getting regular physio which she had been denied by her old health authority.

Life is for living to the full to the best of our ability. The past had gone it's the present and future what counts. And we all owe it to ourselves to make the best of it. Also it's one in the eye for our estranged children.

Have a good day everyone.

I don’t have an actual date of estrangement like Yoga and Smileless, but it’s longer than 10 years. Due to Covid, living alone, then a health problem I have felt very alone last few years. Groups I used to meet up with have dispersed and my close friends, still with husbands, some with their own problems too, it’s got more difficult to meet up. The older you get, your world shrinks as people move off or out, you have to be strong to weather it. I think both my children are happy and that’s the main thing. This week I start going to the hospital not for actual treatment now but rehab, just want to get back to how I felt 3 years ago and I will really work at it.
This forum along with others I join in with, have been a life line for me so thank you all.

Morning everyone. It's a lovely sunny and warmish day here today and hopefully the work on the roof terrace will be finished so we can go home tomorrow and get cleaned up.

10 years plus Yogin a decade since we were estranged. Just like me, I'm sure you never thought you'd still be here on the support thread because nothing's changed.

Hilltop

Well done, Smileless and Mr S.
Exactly four years ago today, l was estranged. It feels like some strange sort of anniversary, l don't know what l think! Don't suppose he has it marked on the calendar. Why on earth have I? Has anyone else got it marked?

Yes, I have Hilltop 10yrs last ann!

Smiles and Mr S glad all the hard work is done and now you can relax and enjoy the finished home.

Hilltop estrangement anniversaries are hard . It will be soon 3 years since I last saw my son. And after trying to get in touch with him last week and his text . I have come to terms after crying all day he's not worth it. So Saturday I deleted all the texts I had ever had from him. But what puzzles me is why doesn't he block me from contacting him? Or change his number and email ? Is it so he can torture me if I have a weak moment which I will not let happen again.

He will always be my son and will always love him and my grandson's but I am done. I will never deny they are my family . But have had to close the book on that part of my life. It was a very hard decision but once I decide something I do it and stick to my decisions.

Smiles forgot to say thank you for your kind words. 💐

Oh yes our estrangement anniversary is marked in our brains and hearts Hilltop.

I think the fact that we got his note telling us we were no longer a part of his and our GS's life and were to stay away, together with our GS's first Christmas present shoved through the letter box at 6.30 pm on Christmas Eve, makes remembering it every year impossible not to do.

Think about how you were 4 years ago when it first happened and look at yourself now. See how far you've come because although the anniversary of the estrangement itself is nothing to celebrate, what you've accomplished by getting on with your life in spite of the heartbreak, certainly is x.

Well done, Smileless and Mr S.
Exactly four years ago today, l was estranged. It feels like some strange sort of anniversary, l don't know what l think! Don't suppose he has it marked on the calendar. Why on earth have I? Has anyone else got it marked?

Morning everyone, hope you're all OK.

Well we finally got everything finished yesterday. Feels strange to have no more jobs to do here after so much work for more than a year. Very proud of what we've accomplished, especially Mr. S. who did such an amazing job clearing out the filth, ripping everything out, painting, fitting most of the kitchen, fitting laminate flooring and carpets ...... phew.

It all looks fabulous, inside and out.

You must have had a very busy and enjoyable day with your GS Whiff.

Of course you're not the horrible woman your son makes you out to be. They turn us into monsters to justify the unjustifiable and excuse the inexcusable.

Just a quick one as I am knackered. I can't be the horrible woman my son makes me out to be. Had my daughter's eldest since before 9 she just fetched him and he cried he didn't want to go home. Catch up with you all tomorrow. 🤗