Friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

Hi all, sorry I haven't popped on for a while.

Sorry to hear you've been so unwell smiles. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Sorry you've been having a tough time Whiff. Anniversaries can be so tough. I love your wise perspective on love. I too look back at all the hard times, family arguments and problems, but we always tried to muddle through and fix things the best we could. Not walk away. And everyone seemed to be honest about things even if in disagreement, not under some kind of delusion about h ow things were and how they should be.

Wow CrazyH, that would have given me such a fright!

That's a very profound quote Allsorts and I can surely see a lot of truth in that. And yes, it's the lies you can't fight, what basis for moving forward is there without the truth?

Right, we're off for a car picnic and a walk. See you all soon. x


Homeserve sound great. We just signed up, thanks to your recommendations.

Is fascinating isn’t it Whiff when we look back with perspective. Incredibly your parents never said a bad word about your sister in law, but what a lot of hurt and trauma in the family they had to deal with. My own childhood wasn’t easy - no money and cramped housing and yes drama - but now looking back I think what an amazing job my definitely imperfect parents did. I have so much more compassion and love for them now. Maybe it’s old age, but perspective does change us. I wish there was more kindness going around in general, and specifically I wish I’d been kinder to my parents as I realise life for them was tough, with no escape.

Woke up thinking about Allsorts gun quote. It's so true and I know if my son ever got in touch it would be like playing Russian roulette waiting for the bullet to hit all over again. It's like having a cheating husband how could you trust him again not to do it again. It's how I feel about my son. Miss him and my grandson's everyday but could never trust him not to do the same thing again.

It's like my brother's second marriage his wife decided when my nephew was about one she didn't want to be married. 6 months later changed her mind. They had a daughter when she was 8 decided again . After 4 months they got back together as the children missed their dad to much. When my nephew was 14 and niece 10 they had another daughter . When she was 8 same thing again but at least this time it was for good. My poor parents must have been through hell but they never said a bad word against their daughter in law . They where so worried about my brother and the children. The 2 eldest went with my brother as they both said no way they where staying with their mom. My youngest niece still lives with her mom and stepdad. But once her boyfriend finishes uni I think they will live together. But for all their mom put them through and all the hurt she caused them and their dad they never turned their back on her. And the 2 eldest made sure their sister was never hurt by their mom as they had been. My brother had his youngest every 2 weeks for a weekend . But he could fetch her until dead on the set time and had to have her back exactly on time. But my youngest niece was a little bugger and played her parents off against eachother. If her mom said she couldn't have something she would say to my brother mom says you will buy me so and so. Then my brother got it in the neck . Some would say she was to young to understand what she was doing but she did and continued doing until she was 16. Her brother and sister had a go at her about it but she didn't stop and my brother is a soft touch where his children are concerned. I am closer to his eldest 2 especially my nephew. My eldest niece is getting married in September I don't expect an invitation as it's a small wedding but if I did have already decided not to go. I can travel the 4 hours by train to my brother and sister in law's with assisted travel. But to get back to the Midlands is a 2 hour journey on the train then time spent at the wedding and back again it would be to much health wise in a day. At least when I go to stay with my brother I stay at least 4 days so I can recover.

Mom lived to see him get married for the third time and said finally someone who deserves him. When I met my sister in law after they had been together 2 weeks I said finally someone else for me to love. My brother paid my a wonderful compliment he said he finally had what my husband and I had. He now understood why my grief never ends. And understands what it means to find the other half of yourself. They have been together 9 years and married 6.5 years.

For all my ex sister in law was a horrible bitch she never denied my parents their grandchildren and still kept in touch with my mom ringing every week until mom came to live with me. But still sent birthday and Christmas presents and cards. Mind you she wasn't invited to my home but on the day my mom was dieing I told my nephew and niece's they came to say goodbye imagine my horror when their mom came to. She was not invited but didn't say a word.

When it was mom's funeral she came to it. We didn't have a wake like we didn't for dad . Just had some lunch for my and my brother's family. Did the same with my mom guess who walked in again . She was not invited and my son asked if I wanted her thrown out but I didn't want to upset my youngest niece so she stayed. But she was a bitch to my sister in law who asked her how she was an totally ignored her. That's how she always treated her when they met. After my brother's kids went with their mom. The rest of the family laughed as they said I should have seen my face when she walked in.

She was an awful wife and made my brother's and her 2 eldest lives hell but she never turned her back on my parents and never stopped them seeing their grandchildren or letting them take them out.

That's why I will never understand my son and daughter in law. They know what a bad mom, mother in law and grandmother is they knew my mother in law and they both know how my ex sister in law never took the children away from my parents.

So why have they done this to me ? Like everyone here will never know. I am lucky I get to see my daughter and grandson's every week. And her youngest is the only one I have seen regularly since he was 4 days old. I used to go months before seeing the families until I moved here closer to them. Perhaps that's it my daughter in law doesn't like me being 40 mins away in a car instead of 3 hours away in a car. But I don't blame her alone as my son sent the email and wrote the letter. His a grown man and should have had the balls to tell me to my face what was going to happen. Two things I never would have thought my son was a coward and cruel but he has shown himself to be as far as I am concerned. Also callous as I text him to tell him about my best friends husband. He has known both of them all this life and know's how much they mean to me and his dad. But not even a sorry to hear that.

Why I thought he would reply no idea as when I told him about my HPX I heard nothing but at least he didn't send my letter back. My neurologist asked if my family had been tested and said my daughter and brother had asked but there is no way I can know about my son. HPX is very rare but the gene mutation I have got means there is a slim change my children and brother are carriers and could have past it on to their children it's a low percentage . Because it's rare both my daughter and brother like me are willing to have any tests done so it can help the research into it. I can only hope my son has asked to be tested.

Smiles I hope you are feeling a lot better . Remember being put on steroids in 1988 to try and help with my symptoms they didn't do a thing for me after a month. But because of the dosage they put me on took 3 months to come off them as in those days you couldn't just stop taking them. The only thing they did was give me a hairy chin which I still have to this day. My husband used to tease me as at the time was the only one who had to shave their face. He had a full beard and moustache. Problem the hairs are grey now 🤬. At least the tablets today are better .

Well better finish my ramble and post it in case I lose it . Take care all and spring is definitely here seen lots of snowdrops and crocuses open.

Morning everyone. I'm beginning to feel better at last. My cough is much better thank goodness so I've had two good nights sleep, still feeling tired but at least I'm on the road to recovery.

It must be strange for our GC when their friends talk about theirs Allsorts and I wonder what it must be like if they've been told they have family that are so horrible, they can't see them.

Family get together's are particularly difficult for those with EAC Spring as they reinforce what we as their parents and our GC are being deprived of, as well as what our EAC are missing .

Really hope all clears up for you soon Smileless - this seems to have lingered far too long. Glad we are motoring through Feb - my least favourite month! Received an invite to a relative’s wedding this week. Will be lots of nephews and nieces there, and can’t but help feel sad is another family event our EC will miss out on. I don’t know if they would even care, but is sad nevertheless. These making of memories events can’t be recaptured. Is now so much they’ve missed out on.

You can’t fight the lies told about us. Perhaps down the line grown up children will find out the truth, too late for us then, missed their precious childhood, I already have. I will never understand why. How does that do children any good being told their family are horrible, seeing their friends with loving grandparents must make feel very different.
Hope the anti biotics work this time Smileless, 🤞

The antibiotics did help Allsorts. I spoke to my GP today and he's put me on another course together with steroids!!! Said if there's no discernible improvement within the next week to contact him again and he'll need to see me.

Everything crossed that that wont be necessary and I'll start to pick up in the next day or two.

sometimes the person we would take a bullet for is the one holding the gun that is very powerful Allsorts and when it comes to the AC who've estranged us it's so true.

Our GC will all have been/will be lied too about their families Yogin. Told that we and other family cut out of their lives didn't care and of course you know what your GD will have been told, so I'm not surprised you thought of her x.

That is so profound Allsorts I'm reading a book at the moment called the wicked sister and the story is just that. I read before going to bed and last night I had a bad nightmare, woke really frightened. On the front of the book it say's: What if everything you thought you knew about your family was a lie! I thought of my GD.

Strangely my DD gave me a book she had read, still to read it, and it's the same author, my favourite; Karen Dionne, so that will mean I've read all her books.

Something I read this week, sometimes the person we would take a bullet for is the one holding the gun, that sums up how I feel about estrangement from a loved child, the betrayal.

Smiles, don’t know whether you saw the doctor before anti biotics, I think they only work if it’s bacterial but I could be wrong. Mine lasted over a month and I felt tired and worn out for another two weeks, it wasn’t Covid as I tested. The cough was the worst I’ve known, the only good thing to come out if it was I lost loads of weight, the bad news I’ve put it back on. One thing that did help was Vick and drinking honey and lemon barley water. Couldn’t have it first week as I didn’t get out of bed to make it.

Crazy I know when I was a child folk left their front doors open and neighbours would just walk in, but nowadays you can't do that. How freighting for you, I always have that fear, that someone has walked in, think it goes back to when my upstairs neighbour leaned into my living room from the patio doors for an argument, I now have a locked gate in place.

As you say Whiff you had the love of your life, so very lucky in that respect but how sad he died too soon, so sorry.

Smiles sorry to hear your still unwell. I have a cough, not too bad now, but a very painful throat when I swallow, my son passed it onto me!

Allsorts we've had our chat this morning.

Good grief crazy you did well to keep calm as it must have been a shock to see him standing there. Thank goodness you're OK. Lesson learned about leaving the front door open.

Much worse than Covid Allsorts. I had a bad night last night because I couldn't stop coughing. The cough's dried up a lot but is worse than it was a few days ago. Hoping our GP will get back to me today but not sure if there's anything they can do as I've had a course of antibiotics.

The worse thing is coughing to the point of choking and feeling like I can't breath.

Well you certainly keep busy Whiff. Thank goodness your cover provides unlimited call outs otherwise it would be costing a fortune.

Hope you all have a good day and there are no more uninvited guests crazy.

Hope you feel better soon Smileless, I felt my bout was worse than Covid.
What a shock CrazyH, awful for tge man to not know where he was.
What a week you’ve had Whiff, still you can’t get bored.

crazyH how awful. You must have been badly shaken. Are you ok now ? I hope you always keep your door locked in future. Glad the post woman came . Did you let any of your family know what happened if so I hope someone came to see you and give you a hug . You where extremely brave .

Well, I had a scary morning. Being a lovely sunny day, I left the front door open just to get some sunlight and fresh air in. Was having a coffee and watching TV, when at the corner of my eye, I saw some movement. A strange old man was in the room, 5 feet from me. I refrained from screaming. I politely asked what he wanted. He was searching for his niece who he thought lived in our cul-de-sac. Fortunately, the post lady came by and I suggested he talks to her.

Well had a busy morning. My window cleaner came and when I was talking to him a neighbour came by so had a chat . She went home and the window cleaner just finished and the plumber came. It was a split washer that caused the leak. Just as he left my Sainsbury's delivery arrived. Put the shopping away. Then went to put the bin out ready for tomorrow . Saw my Evri delivery driver he couldn't make my neighbour opposite hear so put her parcel through the gate. As she's in a wheelchair said I would get it and make sure she had it. So rang the bell and gave her the parcel . She lived there with her mom sadly her mom died before Christmas. So we had a chat and she talked about her mom and had a cry but I made her laugh and hopefully something's I said will help her.

Better go and make the biscuits as I am tired and probably have a nap afterwards.

It's no wonder time flies since my move here. Which I love.

Yogin it's the price we pay to love and be loved . And I am very lucky to have been loved by a wonderful man one who accepted me as I am. When my health got worse and after I came out of hospital I asked him if he wanted me to leave him with the children and go back to my parents. He laughed and said I married you in sickness and in health and anyway I knew you where damaged goods when we went out. He was a bugger and we both had tempers and where stubborn. The children have to. I said the house should be called Bedlam. We argued by never about the important things. And because of my health he just said we alter our way of life to suit you. And he kept his word until the day he died. He was my one and only the other half of me and haven't been whole since. But because of his love I carry on. Many here know how it feels to lose half of yourself. Grief like love never dies you just cope with wobbles along the way.

Estrangement is like that we grieve for the lost of our loved ones with wobbles along the way. But its worse they choose to leave us and they are alive . Living their lives without a thought for all the pain they have caused.

Smiles hope you are feeling bit better today. And Mr S has been pampering you.

Well Homeserve came yesterday and replaced a part on the hot water pipe. All seemed well until I checked after a couple of hours and the pipe was damp so put ramkin back under and booked an appointment for Friday. But this morning leak worse got a larger container under it and emptying it every 20 mins. Phoned Homeserve at 9 and plumber just rang he will be here in 30 mins. Hopefully it will be fixed . At least my cover is for unlimited call outs. Glad I have the cover .

Craft group tomorrow made a fatless tea bread as it has been requested but will make some biscuits as well . The tea bread is only made in 1lb loaf tin so 8-10 slices they soon go.

Take care everyone and hope you have the sunshine .

Anniversaries can be so hard Whiff and even more so when they're for your DH.

I hope the antibiotics are working for you, they've certainly helped me. I can't remember the last time I was prescribed them and underestimated how they can make you feel really down in the dumps.

The problem with insurance cover Yogin is that you only really appreciate having it, when you need to use it and when it comes to appliances, I think there comes a point where the cost of replacing by comparison, does make you question the value.

TBH if I hadn't had cover on my fridge freezer, which is good value, I'd have bought a replacement because being without it for more than 2 weeks over Christmas and New Year was a real pain.

Sorry to hear it's still so hard for you on your DH anniversaries Whiff

Smiles so sorry you are so ill you need antibiotics. Hopefully they will help and you feel a bit better today.

Well got through yesterday just had a good cry on the morning and felt better. It was the 19th anniversary of my husband's death. Every day is hard without him not just yesterday. The 2nd would have been his 66th birthday and the 3rd anniversary of our first date 48 years ago. Hope my son remembered his dad I know my daughter remembers the dates.

My daughter was here on Sunday with my grandson's . I haven't been able to change my bedding for months so she does it for me once a month. As since my husband died only done it then. I have a king size bed and only sleep on my side. So had plenty of playtime with the boys.

Glad to say the antibiotics are working well on the cellulitis so once I have finished the course that should be it . But I got help quickly as I realised what it was this time.

My exercise class was cancelled yesterday the instructor has Covid she text everyone on Sunday. So I did them at home . But not the circuit training we did last week . No it's not like an army assault course just incase anyone had visions of my hobbling round with my stick 🤣🤣🤣🤣. It was 7 different exercises we did in pairs twice. It was fun but couldn't do it every week. But once a month would be fine. It's amazing what you can do with a group of people who all have health problems but we encourage eachother . I am the youngest at 64 the oldest is 90. She's amazing .

Good old Homeserve coming to my rescue again today. Only realised on Sunday evening got a slight leak from a pipe in my shower room sink cupboard . Booked an appointment via their automatic booking system coming between 8-1. So better get up now .
Take care all.

Thanks Madgran.

Sorry you are unwell Smileless ⚘

Hi everyone, just a quickie. Turns out that my cold wasn't a cold, I've got a strain of influenza which is apparently doing the rounds and quite literally knocking people off their feet.

So have spent most of the last week in bed, on antibiotics and feeling crap with a permanent headache. Feeling a bit better today so will catch up with you all tomorrow.

Thanks for that Whiff, yes I pay my CC by DD every month, paying it off in full, you can set it to do that, so you don't have to worry about it. Hope you get relief from your Cellulitus & enjoy lunch with your DD.

Allsorts I do the same re sitting or dropping my glasses. Mine have no frames so I really need to be more careful as they become 'off-bonk'. Also, my youngest GD loves to put them on and show us how smart she looks in them!

Thanks Allsorts . Spoke to my GP he prescribed a week's worth of antibiotics. The great thing about my GP practice is they believe you during a phone consultation when you say you have something that you have had before. He has prescribed the same antibiotic I had last time as I had no problems taking it. And as always with my GPs they explained how to take it. But I always read the leaflet that comes with any tablets so I don't get muggled up. Also importantly the side effects . Told my daughter she offered to get the tablets last night but I had phoned the pharmacy to say I will collect them this morning. Normally they deliver but as I am out at my daughter's today didn't want them to come and me not being in. Plus I have to have them an hour before food or 2 hours after. So will take one as soon as I collect them to make sure I have left plenty of time before lunch. All ready worked out how to fit them in with all my other tablets.

Can't believe it's February already January flew by. Weather forecasts are still saying we will be hit by a snow bomb sometime this month. But the wind has only to change direction and it will hit another country. But like a true Brit check the weather forecast everyday to see which coat to wear going out.

Tomorrow would have been my husband's 66th birthday ,3rd anniversary of our first date in 1975 and the 6th will be 19 years since he died. But I don't let them get to me anymore not since my daughter found out on the 14th death anniversary what it and the run up did to me as I was a sodden mess . I had hid it from them and got told off for not telling them how much I hurt. She told her brother . He did care in those days. Wonder if he will remember his dad. If he does I hopes he feels ashamed the way he is treating me as his dad wouldn't stand for anyone hurting me the way he has. He was and still is my knight in shining armour. Don't get me wrong we argued as we both had tempers and are stubborn and he could be a bugger at times but so was I. I know my daughter always remembers dates to do with her dad.

Well better stir my stumps as I need to go out early today and have things I want to do before then.