Friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life.

Thankyou Yogin and Smileless kind of you to reply. Its good to have other views . I will as suggested allow her to help in some way and yes watch out for any old narc ways and keep my distance if needed . It's awful treading on egg shells and unbelievable how our adult kids can treat us this way . My sister tells me I should address the things that were said and done because by not doing so she is letting the grandaughters see its OK to abuse family and turn away and ignore . I tell my sis I am too fragile now and prefer to step back but I do see that she is right and maybe I should but my daughter is very powerful and holds the upper hand as she kept the girls away from me and even brought the then young 15 year old ( at the time ) into the abuse by putting her on the phone to me after daughter had finished shouting at me . So yes I'm sensitive and don't have any energy in me to confront her about her attitude towards me .

Anyway thankyou once again

This is a conundrum isn't it Toetoe. I suggest that you accept her offer to take you for the procedure and say that you'll see how you are afterwards, and if you need to take up her offer of help, you'll let her know.

This will prevent a rejection of her offer but enable you to keep some boundaries in place. You could contact her every day, saying that you're fine don't need any help, but appreciate the offer.

I completely understand the feeling of numbness. When we've been so badly hurt, it's almost impossible to comprehend and because the pain is so great, in order to deal with it, we can end up feeling nothing at all.

Of course if you're able to begin to rebuild the relationship, that is an opportunity that most EP's can only dream of but as we all know, our personal well being must take precedence, which is why firm boundaries need to be in place.

Take it slowly, agreeing to some suggestions of say spending time together but not every time. For the time being at least, wait for her to suggest coming to you, you going to her or going out.

It's impossible to know if there's been a real change of heart in terms of the way she treats you, as only time will tell but you know the signs to look for so if there's a repeat of past bad behaviour, put your foot down immediately.

I hope you'll stay in touch, letting us know what you decide and how things go. Take care x

Toetoe It's very hard, but I have heard of this scenario before & the mother & daughter have gone on to have a really good relationship, so give it a try. Your D must have had an epiphany moment and saw how bad her actions had been towards you, she now wants to make a mends. Don't throw this opportunity away. Others no doubt with have more advise for you, but that's my thoughts.

You were blessed to see that Whiff I've seen on country file and the other farming programmes that I watch. You have to be careful of cows when they are calving, they can be dangerous. In my local paper a few days ago, was the inquest of a man that was killed, and his wife left paralysed and, in a coma, when they accidentally came across a herd of cows with their babies!

Hello everyone, I last posted on 17th December and told you briefly of how for 18months my daughter had been very unkind in many ways , yet as it was coming closer to Christmas she suddenly started texting , sending pics and asking about Christmas etc , I knew it was so she could make a show of family kindness for friends and the children . As it was she visited on 23rd December with the girls and hubby and spent 5 hours with me , we walked and they even stayed for tea . Of course it made my Christmas ( last year I was completely ignored ) seeing this happy family day no one would believe how she crucified me for so long .
I have been given a date for my cataracts in Feb , I texted daughter she had asked to be kept informed, now I've received a voice mail saying , she will come with me , take me , help me .
This may sound wonderful and a way of bringing the past 18 months to a close but I don't want her help , I don't want to spend time with her , I prefer to stand back , it's taken me such hard painful work with counselling and growth because I'm sad to say I don't like who she is and what she has done and said. I feel numb inside , there is now no more pain , I have detached .

I'm now feeling confused , am I causing problems when maybe things could be different , am I being the cause of unpleasantries . Should I allow her to help me before and after . These feelings are sore because of the past abuse. My feeling is to just say thankyou for offer and let it be . But am I being stupid and should I allow her back in to my life . I vowed she would never ever cause me such pain again .
Just to say the issue has never been addressed or talked over because I only saw them twice before 23rd Dec. If I tried to talk about it she would fire into another blame game at me and another horrible row would start it all again. May I ask your thoughts once again . Thank you

My best wishes to you all who are struggling with painful family problems .

Yes, I & my DD dream about my estD, her estS. We swap stories and they always seem so real don't they. My DD tries to interpret them. She did this just before my son returned after 6yrs of estrangement. The dream was him looking like he needed help, which he did. Talking about bullying, he was being bullied, even at his age, to the point he thought his life was in danger, which when I heard the story, it definitely was! I was always more afraid for my son then my estD. He's home, safe and sound now, thank God.

Still really worry about my estD though, afraid she will end up like some of the awful stories you hear in the papers. 2 women are killed by their H/P every week, but if suicide is included it's 10. Watched a very disturbing programme on it just before Xmas.

Thanks for all your kind words about the anniversary of my DGC's death. x

It was, as ever, a difficult day, but DD and I had a few chats.

Other than that, I kept myself occupied indoors, and read a lot. All I can ever do, just wait for the day to pass.

Hope you all have a lovely day.💐. Still freezing cold here, but sunny.

Smiles glad the singing lessons are paying off and both you and your teacher notice a difference. Bet your choir has to. Never shortened curtains always had then done. But shortening trousers and skirts is a pain. I love shutting my bedroom and living room curtains as it get dusk it feels cosy.

Spring my daughter taught herself to crochet from you tube and even though I taught her to knit she taught herself the cast on method using one needle and fingers via your tube. I used 2 needles like my mom taught me. Unfortunately had to give up knitting decades ago. Never got the hang of crocheting.

That's the lovely thing about my craft group if anyone wants to learn anything new others will teach them. Yesterday found out one of my groups son was hit so hard at school yesterday he has a mild concussion. She was having to stay awake last night to keep checking on him. A boy has been calling him names so he told him to £ off then the boy hit him. Hopefully he will get punished by I doubt it . When I was at school bullying by teachers and pupils was seen as normal it wasn't then and not now. We are supposed to be living a tolerated society where differences are embraced but it's only the advertisers who seem to put forward that message but then again they don't use many ordinary people.

I would love to see GBSB use size 32 5' 2" models like I was instead of the bean poles they use. Even bigger size stores don't use real models as they may take bigger sizes but are all tall and beautiful. Glad to see more disabled models used but then again they are slim and beautiful.

The only calf story I have Yogin isn't as dramatic as yours. Our daughter's first holiday we walked past a field of cows and a cow had just given birth and was just cleaning the blood of her calf. We watched for ages until it stood up. Hopefully it got warmer to walk Joey bet he has a selection of coats to wear.

Unfortunately any dreams I have about my son always end with me asking why as he walks away.

Any way hope you all have a good day and wrap up warm. It's chilly again 🥶

Yes I’ve had dreams like that too Grandmabatty. Always left me with a good feeling though….happy to have experienced even in dreamland a loving relationship. Went walking with friends yesterday. Didn’t feel like going at all as was freezing, but the exercise and countryside worked its magic and felt the winter blues inside disappear. Feel a new project is needed but not sure what…..I can’t sing, and really dislike exercise classes. Would love to be able to crochet though. Is it possible to successfully teach oneself?

Well I'd forgotten what a pain in the butt shortening curtains is but they're done, look really good and have made a huge difference to the living room and kitchen.

It certainly feels a lot warmer than it did when we were here in December.

I used to have dreams like that Grandmabatty and it's horrible when you wake up and realise that it was just a dream.

You did well Yogin. I can imagine how heavy that calf must have been, you helped to save it's life which is a wonderful thing to have done.

Morning all

Waiting for it to warm up a bit before going walkies, once it hits 0` we'll be off

Winter watch was set in Norfolk last night! Going back to my last story; holding onto that calf was sooo difficult, wasn't sure how much longer I could hold his nose out of the water, he was sooo heavy! My H was steering the boat so he couldn't help me, and the first guy holding the calf was in another boat so he couldn't help me either, I just kept thinking if I let him go, he'll drown!

Good morning after two days looking after dgs2 and dropping off and picking up dgs1 at his nursery. It's always a long two days as I pick them up just after seven and take them home just before five. So I'm usually exhausted on a Tuesday night. We still have some snow but it's mainly ice. Yogin I love your story of the calf and I'm glad there was a happy ending. DiamondL I'm really sorry to hear about your wee granddaughter. She'll never be forgotten.
Last night I had such a lovely dream. It wasn't exciting but gentle and warm. My estranged son came walking down the road and we spoke as we used to do and he said he was coming round later. Then I woke and felt so bereft. I know it'll pass. Anyway I'm off out in an hour. Smileless enjoy your change of scenery

Morning everyone.

That's a great image Whiff. I can picture us all with our heads held high, always moving forward with our lives and most importantly, going forward together.

Glad you enjoyed your exercise class. I must get back into my routine, you do feel better for it and it certainly raises your energy levels.

Goodness DSL that sounds worrying, were you aware that there was a problem? It's amazing what we can do to help our bodies and Whiff's an inspiring example, but you will as you say have to take it one step at a time.

Don't think about the mountain, just concentrate on getting to base camp to begin with.

What a great memory Yogin, and to know that you contributed to saving the calf. We wouldn't have made good farmers would we, I'd have wanted to give it a hug and a nice bed of clean straw to settle down on too.

Well we may not be trained therapists Onward but the empathy, understanding and shared experiences are worth their weight in gold.

Had my 4th singing lesson yesterday and am amazed at the progress so far. I can hear the difference already as can my teacher.

We're going to our flat today for 4 nights. I'm looking forward to change of scene and catching up with friends we haven't seen since October.

Have a pair of curtains to shorten while we're there. We found that the bay window is a cold spot when we were there in December so have bought some that we can draw across at night to make the living room that bit warmer.

Have a good day everyone.

Oh wow, lovely story Yogini so glad you were able to help the poor calf! That's the sort of thing you always remember, and wonder! I hope he had a happy time when he got back!

So sorry about the loss of your DGD DL how does your DD&S.i.l cope with the ann? for you all.

Hugs & Onwards I remember when I went to the Norfolk broads, we were coming back late after being out all day on our boat. Suddenly a big search light hit us, and we were asked to help rescue a calf out of the water, the guy in the boat holding onto the calf asked me to take over as his arms had gone numb. My H steered our boat over to the slip way, where others took over. The farmer arrived shortly after and just herded the dripping wet calf onto the back of his truck, no cuddle, no hay to lay on, but going back to his mum on the farm. Hope he recovered ok.

All the fitness sounds great! I'm also on a mission to improve my health and fitness this year (and lose weight) Slowly regaining my strength after the lurgy/covid and determined to get back to where I was, but better.

Well done DSL on your weightloss and WW. Sorry to hear you're all out of alignment, but hope your Chiro can get you back to where you need to be soon.
Glad you enjoyed your exercise class Whiff!
We like feeding the ducks too, even though we haven't got any kids to feed them with.
The boating sounds nice Hugshelp, glad you enjoyed it. I love the beach, but with our dog it's hard to find nice beaches to go. Did you happen to know of any in Norfolk that are dog friendly even in Summer? (Our holiday is a dog friendly one, which is why we're staying in the UK.)

Sounds lovely onwards. We stayed in Norfolk a good few years ago and took a boat out on the broads for the day.

Feeding the ducks is lovely therapy Yogin.

Cold here but no snow yet. Hope you're having a good day GrandmaB

I'm so sorry to hear about your lost Granddaughter Diamond Lily. My thoughts are with you and your family.

DL. So sorry to hear about your darling little granddaughter. Heartbreaking, Look after yourself, and just try to work through the anniversary.

Whiff. Glad you've found a good exercise class. I too am on a mission to improve my fitness, health and mobility this year,

I have just started a treatment l,an with a chiropractioner. Had a consultation last week, x rays, photos etc. they showed quite clearly that my skeletal frame is out of alignment, nothing my pelvis and my shoulders, plus my head is tilting both to the front and right hand side. So, if I want to avoid ending up like Quasimodo and also suffering ever worsening pain And seizing up completely I need to address these issues now.

The chiro told me to not to do any Pilates, yoga or resistance training just yet but to take it one step at a time.

I've also gone back on WW. I did regain a few lbs because of the house move and Christmas etc but have lost 2lbs this week wahoo.

I've got a bit of a mountain to climb but I am pacing myself and determined. By the end of this year this Warrior Queen aims to be fighting fit and in the pink. I shall put the work in.

It's my therapy (along with this thread, lol).

Sorry DiamondLily I never know how parents find the strength to go on after the death of a much loved and wanted baby but they do. The lost child is always with them until the day they die. 💐

It was DerbyshireLass who started warrior queen's but I love the idea of us on chariots ,fake fur capes ,crowns and spears fighting to cope with our estrangement . I can picture it Smiles leading the way the rest of us charging behind screaming like banshee's .

Very cold here but dry. Went to my exercise class this afternoon and loved it. But my poor joints will be aching before long. There where 11 of us and our instructor was lovely about 60ish. But she worked us hard. But it's what I need to do too try and get my mobility back. Just hope I can remember some of their names.
🏋️

DL - heartbreaking - so sorry

So sorry for your loss DL (((hugs))) and

So sorry for the loss of your dear gd DL. A sad memory indeed. How precious you got to hold her, even if only for a short while. Sending love.

Yoginimeisje

Morning all

Another rainy day! Tried to feed the Swans but blooming seagulls got in first, a few ducks got their breakfast.

Yes, this is my therapy. No point going to a professional therapist if they have no understanding of estrangement, maybe that's what Rgallina is and is hoping for some new clients from here.

Oh dear! Well we have all seen lately that therapy isnt for everyone, haven't we

Talking is the best, here is free and you're so right Yogini. Why would anyone go where there is no empathy or understanding? However, I happen to think its more troll than therapist

Wow, snow! Grandmabatty how lovely! But cold! Hope you all have a lovely day. Cold here too, but no snow.

DL the memory of a little girl who lived for such a short time but will never be forgotten (((hugs))) and x

Thanks for the comments about my not-so-wonderful step ACs...,we press on. Haven't heard from them since they visited, so we'll see. 🙄

Bit of a sad day tomorrow. It's 20 years since I lost my first born granddaughter. DD's first daughter. She only lived a day.

The problem is that we have no real memories other than the trauma and a sad funeral. I held her only briefly before she died (they knew she couldn't survive, too many problems), so the sustaining memory is of the funeral and that little white coffin.

And thoughts of what might have been.

Anyway, I won't go on about it - it's what it is once a year for me, and especially DD and SIL. The rest of the year, it just sits there - a sad little memory. Anniversaries bring it all back though.

She had another daughter afterwards, who is a happy, gorgeous 18 year old now, who brings much laughter and joy.🙂

Cold and wet down here - hope the snow doesn't come, as we've got the dentist on Friday, and I don't want to cancel the appointment. I need a load of stuff done, and I'm dreading it (cost and process!), but the stress of waiting is probably worse than the event.

Have a nice day everyone. 💐