Harry: "I want my Father back. I want my brother back"

In mine too.

Yammy

It's just autocorrect on my phone

Sorry about that

"I want my Father back. I want my brother back"

Bloody funny way of going about it, IMHO.

I hope that his book and the Netflix programme is enough for Harry and he will get on with his life now.
I have heard that he has enough material for another book which he says has further revelations that would end the relationship with his father and brother if he hasn't already done so.

Norah

Monica, I am sure from your experience you will agree that each side has to meet each other on an equal basis and each be prepared to accept misbehaviour and misunderstandings on both sides

No.

I have no experience. I doubt each side is equal - somebody has been wronged and somebody needs to offer a real apology.

Harry's parents wronged him terribly, his mother has passed, his father could choose to offer an apology. To me that seems crux to 'Spare'.

Harry's parents wronged him terribly,
According to Harry.

Estrangement threads mean talking about other people's personal lives to get support for our own

I'm just saying that's the case

It's pretty normal

VioletSky

Why are you getting personal in a discussion?

Or are you trying to say my perspective is not welcome in discussion Whammy?

Is it that scary that my perspective is different?

Why?

It's yammy actually Wham was a pop group and giving or releasing a whammy is something completely different yellow earth.

VioletSky

At least Harry is talking about his own experience, unlike the media which violates people's rights continuously

Effectively, so do these threads

How do these threads violate people's rights? Who are you to accuse and more importantly who are you accusing? If you believe they do why do you read them and then accuse them, just stay away from them. You might find you are a lot happier.

Why are you getting personal in a discussion?

Or are you trying to say my perspective is not welcome in discussion Whammy?

Is it that scary that my perspective is different?

Why?

VioletSky

It's not usual for the media to be involved in most estrangement situations

But if I look at it from a smaller perspective, when I first joined this forum people felt, without knowing the full story, entitled to comment negatively to me about my estrangement and I defended myself at length

I don't need to now, I realise those attacking me for my estrangement are likely just projecting their pain on to me

And doing that sort of thing is what leads to losing relationships in the first place

Which self-help book have you just swallowed? Get a grip and try to be happy it's not going to last. Life is no rehearsal.
Why should everything be from your point of view?

Merylstreep just think before you speak

My mother is not up for debate here

Harry's situation may not be ours, but for those of us who have estrangement in our families, there are things we can identify with. As we find on this forum, there are similarities even though on the surface there appears to be little in common.

I agree Onward there are some things that should remain confidential and some of the things H's shared should not have been.

Monica, I am sure from your experience you will agree that each side has to meet each other on an equal basis and each be prepared to accept misbehaviour and misunderstandings on both sides

No.

I have no experience. I doubt each side is equal - somebody has been wronged and somebody needs to offer a real apology.

Harry's parents wronged him terribly, his mother has passed, his father could choose to offer an apology. To me that seems crux to 'Spare'.

MerylStreep,
as with Harry’s endless ‘revelations’, those on Gransnet who post about their private lives, their family problems, etc. surely expect people to post their own views of the situation they are reading about. The responses may not always be supportive in the way the poster wants, or may make suggestions which the original poster feels are unacceptable or which appear to have read the situation wrongly.
If they, or Harry can’t accept that that will happen, wouldn’t it be better not to write about personal stuff in the first place?

VioletSky

Point proven again

Talking in tongues, again. 🤔

Point proven again

VioletSky
Maybe your mother had the same reaction as the Queen recollections may vary
How many false recollections of Harry’s have been called out.
I can’t speak of your recollections but some of Harry’s are out and out lies.

It's not usual for the media to be involved in most estrangement situations

But if I look at it from a smaller perspective, when I first joined this forum people felt, without knowing the full story, entitled to comment negatively to me about my estrangement and I defended myself at length

I don't need to now, I realise those attacking me for my estrangement are likely just projecting their pain on to me

And doing that sort of thing is what leads to losing relationships in the first place

On the otherhand Violet,if estranged, you do not seek reconciliation by trumpeting publicly every little thing that has ever has happened to you that you can think of and which you can blame on your family, accurately or not, and then say that reconciliation requires your estranged family to accept every accusation, without query accompanied by apologised for every single claim..

I am sure from your experience you will agree that each side has to meet each other on an equal basis and each be prepared to accept misbehaviour and misunderstandings on both sides - and apologies on both sides. When one side comes out all guns blazing demanding apologies without explanations, that is tantomount to bullying and emotional blackmail and, as you found, is no basis for reconciliation.

Or make your way to Uncle Tino's funeral
I missed that news, grandetante, so just looked it up.
That's sad; he always came across as a charming man who led a rather eventful life in a country going through tumultuous times..
He was a Gold medallist in the Olympic Games too and served on the Olympic committee.

Realistically, a lot of estrangement situations have a direct link to not listening to what the other party says.

For instance, mine.

When I met with my mother to try and resolve things I listened to what she had to say and I apologised for times she expressed were painful for her. It doesn't matter what my perception of those times were, what mattered were her feelings.

Unfortunately she did not reciprocate and could not meet me half way.

When I estranged I found myself on the receiving end of a lot of people who had listened to my mother's side of events or just objectively looked at the fact that I had estranged my own mother and thought they were entitled to tell me what a terrible person I was without hearing my side.

It's drama and gossip they seemed to enjoy

For their own reasons they had their opinion to me and felt good about it.

Whether that was because they felt good having a go at me, or they felt they were defending the real victim or whether they felt they could be a hero and save the relationship...

It was wrong

I no longer have a relationship with these people and I am not invested in what they think of me.

I agree, it's not the done thing to acquire it somewhat dishonestly (on WhatsApp).

I don't think anybody suggested you would OnwardandUpward.

Doesn't change the facts though.

Dear Harry,

You really are going the right way about it, aren't you?

You and your wife have aired all your grievances in public in every way you could possibly think of and made many private matters public, which would have been better kept to yourselves.

You may have been unfairly treated, I am unable to judge that, but if you really want to mend bridges STOP MOANING and KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, BOTH OF YOU, about the relations you don't see eye to eye with.

Give things time to settle down, and get yourselves both jobs that are within your capabilities, preferably somewhere where no-one cares a hoot who you are.

Show that you meant it seriously when you opted out of "the family firm" and make yourselves a decent income through hard work like most of the rest of the world has to.

In five years or so, your father and brother might just be prepared to talk to you again.

Or make your way to Uncle Tino's funeral and see if you can behaved properly there. Your Greek or Danish cousins might just be willing to try to convey your apologies to your own family.

At least Harry is talking about his own experience, unlike the media which violates people's rights continuously

Effectively, so do these threads