Harry: "I want my Father back. I want my brother back"

I have literally no idea what the truth actually is but H did get along very well with W& K & their kids and even her parents before Megan

Not saying I blame M, but something in the family dynamic went wrong, clearly

Yep

IF

No experts or flies on the wall here

If everything they were saying were the truth , IF

So

If everything they were saying were the truth..

Does that count as slaging people off?

Because wouldn't that be blaming someone for reacting ro someone else's behaviour rather than blaming the original behaviour?

That's not logical

I want to slag people off, but I really want them to accept me with open arms.

I want to give my version of the truth of everything that is said between us. So please can we get together so I have something new to say?

Can anyone think of another situation where that works?

I find what people say about the whole situation much more interesting than the situation itself

It is all triggering. Even to me.

I have experienced one. But not when I behaved like that. When I was kind and thoughtful. Smear campaigns are not about us. They are all about the smearer. A smear is a lie. But I am not lying about Harry, just talking about what has already been said and discussing it's effects.

So, we are not smearing H, H is doing his own smear on himself and we are just digesting this, as women need to talk about things to make sense of them.

VioletSky

Thanks for the giggle

I'm OK

Oh, good.
🙂

I think others might find it triggering, though.

We never know what might suddenly bring back an unpleasant memory.

Thanks for the giggle

I'm OK

TheHarry and Meghan trashing really troubles me

Perhaps they should stop trashing others, then none of this would be happening?

Honestly, if all this triggers your emotions, is it a good idea to read these threads?
I'm asking gently; it must be upsetting if you're not able to view this dispassionately and objectively and reading I brings back upsetting memories.

William is a brother not his parent

Honestly

TheHarry and Meghan trashing really troubles me.

Partly because I have experienced a smear campaign.

Partly becauseI am human and make jokes that aren't understood or things come out wrong andni know how it feels to have someone determined not to listen to an explanation or give you the benefit of the doubt.

Mostly because:

We have no idea what was said behind closed doors

and because:

I don't get why people who don't believe them or don't agree with them telling their version of events spend so so much time talking about them.

If I don't believe someone or feel they are attention seeking, I just ignore them

Surely it's like feeding a bear and then wondering why there is an angry bear on the front lawn expecting dinner

VioletSky

🚩

Are you red flagging me VS?

Smileless2012

You're quite right Jane, some estrangement is due to a controlling and abusive relationship. It can be the parent(s) and it can also be the partner of the estranging AC or the estranging AC themselves.

It's inevitable that those of us who live with estrangement, talk about it from our own experiences and that needs to be respected, even when someone else's experience differs from our own.

I'm sorry for your experience and hope you've found peace and happiness now you are free of a controlling relationship .

As for Harry, he's clearly a troubled man. No parent is perfect despite their best intentions and he'll learn this now that he's a parent himself.

I've yet to come across a parent who claims perfection. An addiction to drugs can and does have a catastrophic effect on someone's mental health, and that addiction should not always be laid at the parents door, neither should the reason(s) for every estrangement.

There are many similarities in shared experiences of estrangement and I think it takes courage to talk about it even on an anonymous forum like GN.

We don't know how much responsibility Charles and/or William have for the current situation with Harry, and if either or both have 'stepped up' and taken any responsibility, I doubt that would have been in Harry's memoirs as it wouldn't fit his victim narrative.

Yes it's been very triggering Smileless, been weepy all day and that's so not me.

You're right, no one is perfect. I said that to my Mum once and she nearly blew a gasket. We all bleed, we all fail, it's part of the Human Condition.

VioletSky

I took a break from my mother and she didn't want to see my children without me.

After some time my older children started telling me why they didn't want to see her any more and we made the decision to estrange together and made it for the youngest two.

I nievely thought my children would not have been impacted by the way she treated me as I believed I was unlovable and the reason I was treated badly. They not only witnessed things but she had also managed to hurt them.

My now AC still want nothing to do with her or their uncle. My mother and brother have stated they will find my children and tell them the truth about me one day. My children have stated that there isn't anyone who knows me as well as they do. Although my eldest would like to hear this truth because he thinks it would be funny and he would quite like to tell them exactly what he thinks of them....

I've somehow managed to raise really great kids who are so much more resilient and confident than I could ever be.

Anyway. A few people who know my mother have absolutely torn me to shreds over my decision. They weren't there and did not see what happened at home.

If people were shaming me publicly I'd be defending myself. Just as I have been forced to defend my decision here on gransnet while I was healing.

I think once these two heal they won't need to defend themselves any more.

Any family member in an estrangement situation saying they were a good parent and share no responsibility for their child's estrangement or mental health issues is a red flag for me.

Charles and William need to step up and take responsibility for their part

So sorry VS. You have done a great job.
I have also had my mother's friends tear me to shreds about all the things I didn't do for her (while not actually being true!) She had apparently been lying about me. I was in my twenties then and it was a real shock that anyone would do that, especially your mother.

I think some of the problems we might have could be perception. For example if I percieve myself to be a good daughter or mother but my mother or kid percieves me to be a bad person, that's really tragic. I know without a shadow of a doubt I have always done my best for my loved ones, but I also know that misunderstandings happen or that things can get misinterpreted- I also know mistakes get made even with the best intentions.

All any of us can really do is our best and be kind, realise that others are probably trying their best. My brother has a good saying "never attribute anything to malice that you can pass off as stupidity" or something.

Yes I can see that VS but why have you posted it directly after my last post?

We've found his behaviour triggering too Onward.

JaneJudge

I think we need not generalise wrt estrangement. My parent estranged me and then told everyone I'd stopped them seeing the grandchildren - which wasn't true. I know you are all speaking from your own experiences which is fine but 'some' estrangement is to do with abusive/controlling relationships and everyone needs to be mindful of that. I know I was estranged because I no longer engaged with the controlling nature of our relationship.

I also don;t think some of the royal family have comparable relationships within family as the likes of me and you anyway

My Mother did that to me when she moved away without giving her address, so I feel your pain Jane. So sorry.

There has been much estrangement in our family, none of it me until quite recently when I stopped replying to my son who was being abusive.
I agree it's best not to generalise, however H's behaviour has been quite triggering to me and I decided to write about it.

It's a little red flag

could you explain please VS?

🚩

You're quite right Jane, some estrangement is due to a controlling and abusive relationship. It can be the parent(s) and it can also be the partner of the estranging AC or the estranging AC themselves.

It's inevitable that those of us who live with estrangement, talk about it from our own experiences and that needs to be respected, even when someone else's experience differs from our own.

I'm sorry for your experience and hope you've found peace and happiness now you are free of a controlling relationship .

As for Harry, he's clearly a troubled man. No parent is perfect despite their best intentions and he'll learn this now that he's a parent himself.

I've yet to come across a parent who claims perfection. An addiction to drugs can and does have a catastrophic effect on someone's mental health, and that addiction should not always be laid at the parents door, neither should the reason(s) for every estrangement.

There are many similarities in shared experiences of estrangement and I think it takes courage to talk about it even on an anonymous forum like GN.

We don't know how much responsibility Charles and/or William have for the current situation with Harry, and if either or both have 'stepped up' and taken any responsibility, I doubt that would have been in Harry's memoirs as it wouldn't fit his victim narrative.

I took a break from my mother and she didn't want to see my children without me.

After some time my older children started telling me why they didn't want to see her any more and we made the decision to estrange together and made it for the youngest two.

I nievely thought my children would not have been impacted by the way she treated me as I believed I was unlovable and the reason I was treated badly. They not only witnessed things but she had also managed to hurt them.

My now AC still want nothing to do with her or their uncle. My mother and brother have stated they will find my children and tell them the truth about me one day. My children have stated that there isn't anyone who knows me as well as they do. Although my eldest would like to hear this truth because he thinks it would be funny and he would quite like to tell them exactly what he thinks of them....

I've somehow managed to raise really great kids who are so much more resilient and confident than I could ever be.

Anyway. A few people who know my mother have absolutely torn me to shreds over my decision. They weren't there and did not see what happened at home.

If people were shaming me publicly I'd be defending myself. Just as I have been forced to defend my decision here on gransnet while I was healing.

I think once these two heal they won't need to defend themselves any more.

Any family member in an estrangement situation saying they were a good parent and share no responsibility for their child's estrangement or mental health issues is a red flag for me.

Charles and William need to step up and take responsibility for their part

I think we need not generalise wrt estrangement. My parent estranged me and then told everyone I'd stopped them seeing the grandchildren - which wasn't true. I know you are all speaking from your own experiences which is fine but 'some' estrangement is to do with abusive/controlling relationships and everyone needs to be mindful of that. I know I was estranged because I no longer engaged with the controlling nature of our relationship.

I also don;t think some of the royal family have comparable relationships within family as the likes of me and you anyway