Time to draw a line?

Oh that's a good point GSM.

I’m so sorry. If you need your grandchild’s birth certificate to set up a savings account in her name you can get an official copy of it from the General Register Office. You can apply online. Then the money would clearly not be yours so not taken into account for assessing benefits, care costs or inheritance tax.

That's why it's so cruel Hels. Of course you thought that being able to send gifts and cards was a hopeful sign that there could be reconciliation at some point. It would never have occurred to you that they weren't being passed on.

Have a good cry, let it out and know that either on this thread or the support thread, there will always be someone to read your posts and offer what help and support they can.

You're not alone and it's surprising how comforting that can be to know .

Thank you Smileless2012 for your kind advice I admit I'd clung to the idea that while ever I was allowed to send these gifts there was hope of a reconciliation I've been kidding myself I know now. I'm going to set aside a little time for a good old cry later on and try and accept things for what they are. Thanks again.

I'm so sorry Hels that you've been estranged and yes, I'm afraid it is time to draw a line.

The gifts you've been sending your GD appear not have been passed onto her, and it could be that the money hasn't been either. Your D is being very cruel to you and your GD, to say you may send these gifts if they are not being given to her.

You could open a savings account in your name, and put money in for her birthday and at Christmas. Have this account specifically mentioned in your will with your GD as beneficiary.

Far from ideal I know, but at least there will come a time when she'll know that she was always loved by you and never forgotten. You could also get birthday and Christmas cards for a memory box, which will also be left to her in your will. This is what we do for our GC, not much but at least it's something.

For those of us also estranged by an adult child, you don't need to find the words to say how you feel, we know and understand.

There's a support thread on this forum which you may find helpful. It's helped many over the years and I've been posting there regularly for 10 years.

The pain never goes away but it does get easier with time and for me, I was only able to begin to heal when I accepted that our relationship with our son and only GC was over, and there was nothing we could do about it.

Taking care of yourself is what you need to do and the first step is protect yourself from any more hurt.

Thank you anna7 I did look at opening an account in her name that I could put money into but was told I need her birth certificate. I think I'll just have to leave her a gift in my will at least she will benefit from it then.

I'm so sorry Hels001. That is very hurtful. You must be devastated. If I was you I would just send cards to your granddaughter from now on. You could if you wanted to open a savings account for her and put the money you would have spent in there. You can give it to her when she has grown up.