I'm so upset at the moment. I cant stop pacing about and crying.
I'm hoping if I write this down I can at least calm down enough to stop crying.
My EAC who I havent spoken to for around 4 years (they estranged us). Has just rung to inform us that my Husbands brothers 4th wife has died, whom we have only met 2/3 times.
I answered the phone, not knowing who was on the line, and was asked to put 'Dad' on. I was so slow in the uptake that I asked who was calling, I couldn't quite grasp who was speaking.
EAC barked their name and repeated the question.
I passed the phone over to my husband, telling him who it was.
He said Thank you so much for letting me know and used a pet name.
I feel betrayed by his congenial attitude to EAC.
Now I know this is unreasonable, but it's how I feel.
I stress I wouldn't want him to be confrontational or aggressive in anyway (thats not his nature anyway) but a more neutral tone, after all weve been through would have sufficed.
Afterall, the past years have been hell.
EAC had a child we were not allowed to know about.
Well, they didn't care enough about us, to care whether we knew or not. They just informed people it wasn't necessary for them to tell us as we wouldn't be involved in the childs life.
I have suggested family don't talk to us about the child to save myself from more pain.
But some keep sidling up to us, at family gatherings, with photos, ' thought you might like this?' As if they are selling me a dodgy watch.
No, why would I want to torture myself with an image when I'm not allowed to see the real thing?
Therefore I dont know gender age or name of a GC whom I love anyway.
It seems as if my EAC has chosen or been co opted or who knows what, to pass on information to us.
Even though EAC chooses not to ever involve us in their lives.
Why would EAC be so crass as to get in the middle of this,
on behalf of a distant relative who quite frankly, couldnt give a damn about EAC, my husband, or myself?
It feels like such an attack. So cruel. If they want to be estranged then be estranged!!
Couldn't BIL either a) not tell us b) write to us c) ask other members of the family he knows we have contact with, to inform us?
The brother and his family didnt' want to come to any Christenings, birthdays ect that we invited them to down the years. In fact I did most of the contact between us all. Even helping out when his 3rd wife was terminally ill.
He remarried soon after her death to someone he already knew.
It was then I grew weary of trying to engage, and left it up to my Husband to do the Christmas card thing ect. Well, he isnt very proactive in that dept so I (quietly and quite happily I admit) let the relationship drift.
He had his new life, we didn't need to worry about them.
Funnily enough, BIL has been more proactive with other family members since his latest marriage. But unfortunately he spends his time boasting about his new wife having quite a bit of money and a couple of villas abroad. He also gives long commentaries about their sex life! . (sorry the only green faced icon here is for envy, not for violently vomiting)
Another reason I was happy to swerve them.
Its all come on the back of the death of a beloved Aunt. Somewhat out of the blue.
I'm one of the executors.
I'm not a beneficiary.
The beneficiary jumped in as soon as the death was announced (autopsy was required, so long wait for that to finished) and told various relatives to 'help themselves'
Now I'm to blame for not knowing who has what.
Important papers, jewellery, ect are missing.
Neighbours nurses and doctors were in and out of the premises.
The other extecutors and I have been advised by Police to give permission for them to investigate.
Thank goodness I didn't have a key (even though Aunt often asked me to).
Such a sordid fiasco. Exactly the opposite of what my dear Aunt would have wanted.
Oh dear how did all this family upset happen?
I keep repeating to myself throughout the process (which isnt over yet) 'at least I'm coping'.
But I'm not so sure now.
Namsnanny Mon 27-Mar-23 18:58:56
Allsorts Mon 27-Mar-23 19:27:01
Namsnanny Mon 27-Mar-23 19:43:10
Smileless2012 Mon 27-Mar-23 19:50:04
Smileless2012 Mon 27-Mar-23 19:53:32
VioletSky Mon 27-Mar-23 20:03:46
Namsnanny Mon 27-Mar-23 22:22:35
Namsnanny Mon 27-Mar-23 22:23:24
VioletSky Mon 27-Mar-23 22:49:39
Namsnanny Mon 27-Mar-23 23:48:14
Sara1954 Tue 28-Mar-23 06:27:18
Allsorts Tue 28-Mar-23 07:21:21
Madgran77 Tue 28-Mar-23 10:07:25
DiamondLily Tue 28-Mar-23 15:43:56
Namsnanny Tue 28-Mar-23 15:48:27
Namsnanny Wed 29-Mar-23 12:48:52
Madgran77 Wed 29-Mar-23 14:00:34
Namsnanny Wed 29-Mar-23 14:07:50
Smileless2012 Wed 29-Mar-23 14:11:24
VioletSky Wed 29-Mar-23 15:56:04
Smileless2012 Wed 29-Mar-23 17:16:30
Namsnanny Wed 29-Mar-23 18:20:50
Namsnanny Wed 29-Mar-23 18:21:49
VioletSky Wed 29-Mar-23 18:54:59
Namsnanny Thu 30-Mar-23 00:55:51