Feeling just so mentally drained from it all….

Adviceplease

Unfortunately I did get a call but arrangement was then cancelled. She said she’d let me know before weekend just gone. But nothing. I’ve text and tried to call at the weekend but no reply. I just feel so crushed. I feel I am being completely ignored. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve asked is she okay? Nothing. I know it’s not good. I feel I’ve lost her forever. 😞

Did anything happen between the arrangement and the cancelation? Were there any texts or calls between you both?

Could she be struggling with something right now?

Time to just get on with your own life for now, then. Maybe your daughter is going through a tough time, has MH problems, who knows? You've tried, so let it rest.

Yes that would be kind Adviceplease not to mention good manners.

Hithere

Maybe not being able to make it has to do with their time availability as well?

But isn’t it just kind to return the call and let me know.

Op

"She said she’d let me know before weekend just gone. But nothing. I’ve text and tried to call at the weekend but no reply."

No reply is a reply by itself

Please do not call or text your daihhyet anymore, she knows where to find you

I'm so sorry Adviceplease, cancelling plans that she made and now not responding just isn't on is it.

I wouldn't try to contact her again but wait and see if she gets in touch.

Unfortunately I did get a call but arrangement was then cancelled. She said she’d let me know before weekend just gone. But nothing. I’ve text and tried to call at the weekend but no reply. I just feel so crushed. I feel I am being completely ignored. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve asked is she okay? Nothing. I know it’s not good. I feel I’ve lost her forever. 😞

In response to Hetty, I never said they didn't love us or support when required, it's that when your child becomes a parent, they have far more demands on their time and their husband and children are priority, its entirely natural and in the order of things, we are not top priority. If you are estranged you obviously are not on their radar.
I think if you fear estrangearnt it is sensible to seek ways to avoid it, we don't recommend it but it's not generally of our choosing.

Maybe not being able to make it has to do with their time availability as well?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

As for offering money to them - how kind!

Expecting them to drive 7 hours each way to see you - that's a gift with strings

"They mean more to us than we do to them, they will find the same with their children."

This is incorrect
You obviously talk to them weekly, so they care about you or they would not bother to put time weekly for that

As for their kids doing that to them - how do you know?
Your relationship with your ac is different than their relationship with their kids
When their kids become adult, it will happen whatever has to happen

Allsorts, I'm just so glad to see them getting on with their lives, being good partners and parents, making the most of opportunities - and coping so well with all the challenges of life.

All four seem happy and settled (so I must have done something right). Yes, sometimes I wish I could see them more often, be more involved in my grandchildren's lives. At other times, though, I just want more peace and quiet.

I'd hate to think they would visit due to guilt - or out of duty, though, rather than a genuine wish to see me. (That's why I felt compelled to visit my mother.) That would be absolutely awful for them.

Therefore, I try hard to be upbeat, fun and interesting, engaged, involved in my own life, hobbies and interests. I will always strive to be happy, regardless - and never mention my aches and pains!

Where is NI Nadateturbe?
I accept that I'm not a priority now, the older I get the further back in the queue I get🙄 so we must all rely on ourselves. Diffucult.

They mean more to us than we do to them, they will find the same with their children.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

it grips you tight and physically hurts yes it does Mandymoo.

Hi
Your post is exactly how my life is aswell, I do get on with my life best I can , however I'm really really down at the moment as I miss him and it grips you tight and physically hurts, it won't last forever , but I don't look forward to these depressive periods at all,

I'm so glad for you and I hope things keep getting better now

That's great Adviceplease. Have a lovely time on Sunday and remember you can always pop onto GN if you need to talk.

Thank you all for your help yesterday. I am pleased that I reached out here and you gave me support. I stepped back and calmed myself. Then this morning she called me on her way to a meeting to arrange to see her Sunday. I am going to try and be less needy and sensitive, and enjoy seeing her. I just wanted to show my appreciation for your support. It has been a very tough ride, but I am hopeful that I can start to build a better relationship with her. I do appreciate how busy she is and how hard she works. I too had a very big job, and was a single Mum for the main part of her upbringing even when I had a new partner I was managing everything. So I am going to just be more relaxed about it all. TY and Best wishes.

Madgran77

Adviceplease It is entirely appropriate to post in the Estrangement forum when one fears Estrangement; the fear of what might be coming, the urge to try and avoid that is significant. The hurt, worry, confusion and upset are understandable even whilst acknowledging and taking responsibility for mistakes as you are doing. I think you are right to step back a little, give her space and wait.

Goodness yes.

Always best to step back, wait quietly ever how long it takes.

OK Smileless

Adviceplease It is entirely appropriate to post in the Estrangement forum when one fears Estrangement; the fear of what might be coming, the urge to try and avoid that is significant. The hurt, worry, confusion and upset are understandable even whilst acknowledging and taking responsibility for mistakes as you are doing. I think you are right to step back a little, give her space and wait.

Germanshepherdsmum

I’m sure you did a lot Hetty. It’s unfortunate that many older people have absolutely no idea what it’s like to have a demanding job, a family to care for perhaps single-handedly on a very tight budget, and rarely a moment to draw breath. And mobile phones make us constantly accessible. Their own experiences would have been so very different.

Indeed.

No idea what it's like to be busy, too many time demands.

VS I responded directly to Adviceplease who said I think this forum is a lovely space to share and support hence my response so I'm afraid I don't know what you mean.