How do you cope?

It depends on your goal - reconciliation, make peace and move on, etc

Hello Justbecause there's a support thread on this forum for anyone living with estrangement. We share our thoughts and feelings and the coping mechanisms some of us have honed over the years to help us cope.

I'm also sending you a pm .

It really does depend on your goals, whether you want to try to heal the relationship or whether you want to move forward estranged.

For me counselling was a life saver, talking through everything that happened and the impact was like putting together a jigsaw. You can also learn tools like resilience and assertiveness

I agree with VioletSky - counselling, or psychotherapy in my case, has been an enormous help. I wish I’d made an appointment years ago.

Try your best to reconcile and listen to what they say and take it on board. Their view on you as a mother might be entirely different to theirs, so you have to listen.
If after trying all avenues, don’t do as I did, I have literally wasted more than a decade either trying or praying for a miracle, until a few years ago, when I realised, she made a point of telling me, she just never ever wants me in her life. So many wasted years. It will always hurt like mad, but she’s alive and happy, so I’m grateful for that. I never think now of reconciliation and I make all my decisions for just me. It’s something I’ve never done, I’ve been a carer one way and another and never thought what I wanted, just the people I loved happy I think so I’ve had to learn to care for me. Do join the estrangement thread, all on there know how you feel.
Hopefully your estrangement might be short lived, most are.

A lovely post Allsorts .

Allsorts

Try your best to reconcile and listen to what they say and take it on board. Their view on you as a mother might be entirely different to theirs, so you have to listen.
If after trying all avenues, don’t do as I did, I have literally wasted more than a decade either trying or praying for a miracle, until a few years ago, when I realised, she made a point of telling me, she just never ever wants me in her life. So many wasted years. It will always hurt like mad, but she’s alive and happy, so I’m grateful for that. I never think now of reconciliation and I make all my decisions for just me. It’s something I’ve never done, I’ve been a carer one way and another and never thought what I wanted, just the people I loved happy I think so I’ve had to learn to care for me. Do join the estrangement thread, all on there know how you feel.
Hopefully your estrangement might be short lived, most are.

very wise words and helpful..

There are some lovely people on GN going through the same thing and who will give you brilliant advice, it is very upsetting when it initially happens and different people cope in different ways. Personally I found the estrangement forum really helpful - simply just to know I wasn't the only one but as time's gone by I found that talking about it every other day made it raw so I now choose not to discuss it. Sending you hugs 💐🤗

and (((hugs))) for you Elless.

Elless you have to do what's right for you. 🌹

Thank you all so much for your comments. I’ve been processing my feelings and coming to terms with it all. TY

Beautiful post Allsorts....

Ive been estranged for over 16 yrs. Never seen my grandchildren and was never given the chance to discuss the situation with my adult children. Had counselling, etc., and after 10 yrs of despair, frustration, nr suicide, I realised there was nothing I could do about it. So I wrote a book, had it published and will leave it for my grandchildren to know my side. I am now a completely different person. I see life as precious and valuable and have set up www.nationalgrandparentsregister.org for everyone in the world going through this nightmare. Did you know over 2m grandparents in the UK are going through this agony? Its true 'what doesnt kill you WILL make you stronger'. It's all about accepting the situation, which can take years. Enjoy the life you've been given. You're worth it.

Sorry, forgot to say... nationalgrandparentsregister.org has lots of support groups specifically for people in our situation, all over the world. If you have a group please add it. They are invaluable.

Depends on the cause of the estrangement and what is being communicated to you as to reasons why? Without accountability and apologies, the distance will just grow. I personally am estranged from MIL because she knew best and was making decisions for my child that were not her place to make (she's had her own children and didn't respect me as a mother) and these decisions had detrimental consequences. She also says extremely hurtful and upsetting things and was oblivious with regards to the feelings of others. If you're being told you are acting in a certain way, don't play the victim, instead listen, take it on board and accept maybe there is an issue with your approach. Of course, there is little information to go on with this post so I can only reflect on my own experience of estrangement without knowing your situation.

My 1st estrangement from my daughters almost killed me. My husband and my son are the only reasons I'm not living under a bridge. I had given up so feeling "normal" again. That was in 2017, we semi-patched stuff up in 2020, but gone again end of 2022. I just finished a book I WISH I would have found in 2017. It has helped me TREMENDOUSLY! Done With the Crying. There's a workbook and a follow up Beyond Done With the Crying. I haven't started the 2nd book yet. Good Luck and remember you are not alone!!