Friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life

I’m going to preview in future, I check every sentence, then I press post and find words have changed.

It's those pesky gremlins Allsorts.

Yes, you're going to miss them DL. A new and exciting chapter in their lives, you must be very proud. Don;t worry about your weight and hair, things will settle down eventually and you're doing incredibly well .

Another beautiful day here so I'll be sitting out on the decking this afternoon with my book enjoying the while I can.

Smileless2012

It's those pesky gremlins Allsorts.

Yes, you're going to miss them DL. A new and exciting chapter in their lives, you must be very proud. Don;t worry about your weight and hair, things will settle down eventually and you're doing incredibly well .

Another beautiful day here so I'll be sitting out on the decking this afternoon with my book enjoying the while I can.

Yes, I am incredibly proud of them, and DH would have been as well. He was their "grandad" in the way that mattered. But, I will miss them turning up through the week on their way somewhere.

They are all texting, phoning and messaging - but I've told them to enjoy this time. It'll probably be one of the best times of their lives.🙂

The weight loss is ok, and luckily, I have such thick hair that only me and the hairdresser have noticed.

The brain fog, this week is getting me down a bit. I've lost a set of keys, later found, and now a pair of glasses, outside and not found..sigh.

Lovely, sunny day here, so have been in the garden.

All have a lovely day. 💐

Allsorts even when I preview what I have written once posted still find errors🤦. I blame my trembling fingers . I try hard to keep the one still to type the others do their own thing🤣.

DiamondLily when both my children left home for good used to sit in their rooms if I feel low but it made me smile. Didn't have grandchildren then and even know they are to young to pop around by themselves. But my nephew used to come every Monday after work. Really miss that since I moved 4 years ago. He is a lovely man has he's own problems with mental health but he just gets on with things. His mother is awful but he and his sisters have never turned their back on her no matter what she has done or said to them. Like my husband he never gave up on his parents and after he died I and our children never gave up on his mom.

Which reflects badly on our own son. We then just me have always given our children unconditional love and support. Like everyone here you raise your children the same never thinking one day one or more of them would decide to cut you out of their lives.

I am glad your own children aren't like your stepchildren. Glad you much missed husband had the love from your children his own denied him.

Grief brain fog I found never goes away neither does health brain fog. When I went to the Brain Charity event earlier in the year a professor of neurologically gave a talk about it and it's a real thing. Because she has it decided to research it and even pinpointed the part of the brain it comes from. I wanted to ask some questions at the end but had been sitting for 2 hours . I had watched some other talks and joined in with a duet who went to homes , schools and hospitals they found even dementia patients could still remember songs even though they forgot everything else. I don't normally sing out loud as my singing could frightened birds. But I sang my heart out . Being with so many disabled people was overwhelming but also very liberating. We where all equal, different disabilities but it was the first time I felt normal being with them. Hard to explain really .

I had a fall on the bus few days before and got sciatica so had to stand up and move as in to much pain. But I was determined to go too the event the main reason was to meet the wonderful R who helped me get the solicitor and supported me through the horror of waiting for the PIP tribunal date. If I plan to do something I have to do it as sets my anxiety off. Wasn't until my diagnosis and talking to others with HPX how I do things and how I feel if I can't do what I plan that I knew I had anxiety just thought I was weird 😁

Yesterday was a mixed day couldn't do what I planned because I started having a UTI Thursday night up every hour through the night at least since my move never have trouble sleeping. Phoned my doctors first thing and explained to the receptionist what was wrong and asked for a prescription for antibiotics. Which my doctor did and sent to the pharmacy I use . My daughter picked them up for me. That's the brilliant thing about my GP surgery if I know what I need I don't have to get an appointment they trust me to know what I need. And let me have it. And to think I only joined that practice because the bus stops opposite. If it wasn't for them I wouldn't have seen the cardiologist and neurologist and found out the 2 things I was born with.

Also had a nice surprise . I check my bank account every day and found I had been paid all the PIP I should have had from March last year. Had a shock how much it was . Just waiting for the letter to explain the breakdown of it and when I will receive the PIP and how much each time. Only took 35 years to get disability benefits. But better late than never.

Got my face to face health assessment for UC on Tuesday . After my experience with PIP don't trust video or phone assessments. But at least having PIP doesn't stop me having UC. UC will stop when I get my state pension next year but my PIP award is indefinitely. One in the eye for the PIP people who gave me zero on everything. The rotters. If it wasn't for the Brain Charity and the solicitor who fought for me I wouldn't have been able to go too tribunal. E from the Brain Charity went with me as support and the tribunal panel couldn't have been kinder.

Anyway rambled on as usual. Hope you all have a good day . And those of you who aren't well hope you have a better day today.

I can overlook a typing error even when I've previewed before posting. I think it's because we 'see' what we intended to type rather than what we actually typed, although I still prefer to place all blame and responsibility on those pesky gremlins.

That's wonderful news about getting the back dated PIP into your account Whiff. Just shows how efficient they can be and I hope that you feel that all the hard work, stress and frustration was worth it.

I'm glad you enjoyed your singing, it does make you feel good doesn't it and no one minds if you're any good (although I bet you're better than you think) it's the taking part that matters.

Another lovely day here and we're looking forward to going to some friends for a meal this evening as we only get to see them when we're here.

Went to look round a different park the other day and it's got us thinking about selling our house and buying a double lodge and living there. It would mean downsizing on a massive scale and would be a life style choice but the one we saw and the new ones are all around 3 huge lakes, it really is a beautiful place.

A lot to think about so the first step when go home on Monday is to get our house valued.

When we're here I always think about how much stuff we have compared to how much we actually need and of course when you have a huge house, you tend not to think about it too much. It's only when you think about a drastic downsize that the thought of getting rid feels overwhelming.

May be a step too far but we'll have to see. Perhaps it's better to do something now while we're still young enough and fit enough to do it. Would mean selling this lodge too of course but I don't think we'll have any trouble doing so.

Oh dear, this is what happens when I say to Mr. S. let's just go for a look!!!

Smiles I love to sing but my voice could scare crows. 😁. At the Brain Charity being with so many disabled people who many look like me normal until I move just made me feel I could be me and not judged in anyway. While overwhelming being with over 200 disabled I felt at home. We belted out Beatles songs .

I had been told by my then GP in 1988 I was disabled and my husband said I was . But I never called myself that it in my weird way seemed wrong as I now realise people I met at hospitals I thought they where worse than me. But since my diagnosis and talking to my HPX group now see I am worse than a lot of people I have met. Also my lovely craft group who accepted all my weird limb jerks when I joined them a week after my move here get very concerned for me if I am having a bad day when my body won't do what I want. Most of us have a disability of some sort. But it's just an normal mixed media craft group just worked out that way. But do see now I can't do half the things they can. It's doesn't mean they are less disabled than me as I can do things they can't. But we just work . We are an odd mix in another life we would never have met but so glad I did what I decided to do when I moved here . That was join a craft group and sit fit class. But more importantly live my life to the full. A promise I made my husband but couldn't do until my move .

It's like this thread I would never had made friends here without my son dumping me . While I wish he hadn't but I would never have met all of you. But glad I have. Funny how life turns out.

Moving for me changed my whole life for the better. I will never understand why for 7 months my son and his eldest 2 came every week. His choice I didn't make them come. Then within couple of months when Covid hit I was disposable his choice. If he thought to break me he's wrong I had already broken when my husband died. Thinking about it in a strange way he did me favour as I realise now I put up with far to much of his and my daughter in law's crap for years. Because I lived so far away and was just happy to be with them. While my grandsons are their world and I know they are loved and well cared for. I know all the things they did wrong as parents and things I saw but never once did I say anything. Parents make the rules as a nannie I followed them like I do with my daughter and son in law's boys.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. But I know I didn't fail as a mom but my son failed as a son. He's a good dad but one day my grandsons will turn round and point out all the things they did wrong as parents . Then they will know what it feels like.

Smiles you and Mr S are so happy at your lodge and buying a double lodge and living there permanently sounds like a good idea. And doing it now while you have the energy is the best idea. I found downsizing freeing. While decluttering my old house and letting go of things also decluttered my mind and I let go of things I hadn't realised I needed to let go off. Hope that makes sense. Also getting rid of a lot of things has made my life easier. Even when I moved realised I still brought to much with me so that when. Even this year got rid of things that have become to heavy for me to use. Most went to my daughter mainly crockery. I can't cope with small buttons and haven't for a few years so this year finally admitted defeat and got rid of some lovely linen shirts and gave them to the hospice charity shop. My slow cooker went to a friend at craft group and another friend fetched it for her because she doesn't drive and it was a 3.5l one and heavy. Also gave her a few cook books as since moving into her own flat has been learning to cook more things than cakes. That's my craft group for you ready to help eachother out.

My sit fit group is a mixed group at 65 I am the youngest which makes me laugh . Our 91 year old member can bend her knee and put her foot flat onto the seat. She's amazing. Yet again we would never have met but we work as a group and encourage eachother. Our instructor works use hard but that's what I love because it's helping keep my body working. Funny thing I can do the exercises easier than walking. Mind you I do forget what we are doing when my brain fog kicks in. But soon get back into the swing of things.

Cut down a lot of things in my garden but my green bin is full as it wasn't emptied last time as it was a bank holiday. My daughter or son in law will put it out for me later.

Done most of my Christmas shopping already as my grandsons have birthdays in November and January so but everything and spilt them . Will have to check with my brother if we are bothering with Christmas presents this year. We didn't bother with presents for our birthdays this year's . I did buy for my sister in law. But we are at the age where if we want things we pick stuff up as we need it.

Hopefully you do have your house valued Smiles . Then it's going into each room and being honest with yourselves about what you need not just want. And start to declutter as it takes longer than you think.

Hope everyone else is feeling well in mind and body. Autumn is definitely here .

Wonderful day with my D and the dogs today! Even though it’s raining we had a lovely walk and chatting about lots of things. Two labs, a golden retriever.m and a JR. I’m house/pet sitting for friends for a few days near the village I live in. My D drove over with a dog she has been looking after this weekend. First chance I had to see her properly since her wedding and honeymoon. I had a chance to see her beautiful pics, so chose a few.
I really do feel grateful for being able to re-set my expectations and relationship with my D.

I think I found my anxiety and stress very difficult over past few months, I was letting myself get upset and over-sensitive to some things.

I am so pleased this group was able to get back to its happy place. Thank you for all the support I was given by people here at a very difficult time in my life.

Wishing you all positive ways forward with whatever life throws you.

Whiff - yes, I know the bereavement brain fog can kick in other things. I've got brain scarring and a neurone disease, so extreme stress can make it worse. Am having to fight on all fronts!

I don't think I'd best take up singing - my karaoke of Its Raining Men, some years ago, could clear a room...😳😳

Good that you got your PIP back pay, enjoy a spend up, and you should hear soon what 4 weekly cycle you are on.😗

DiamondLily I have splashed out on a Seasalt winter waterproof coat. Had a £40 off if you spent £150. The coat I had been looking at was £160 so have ordered it. I have never spent so much on an item of clothing. My wedding dress was made for me and cost £40. £30 for the material and £10 for making it. This was in 1981. I just showed my mom's dressmaker a picture I liked and she made it for me. It was cream satin with lace overlay.

I love watching curvy brides boutique with Jo and Al. I was 14st when I got married no bridal dress shop for me. Also there was no way I was spending a lot on a dress for one day. My shoes cost more than my dress but at least I wore them for years.

Don't know if you are like me but if I don't write things on my calendar straight away I forget. I find planning my day helps also routine helps with my brain fog. I have a place for everything and when I bake I get all the ingredients out and put it back where it came from once used that way I don't forget to put it in. Mind you that doesn't always work 🤦.

I am on lot of tablets and have a dosage box. Take out the sleeve for the day but I drive myself mad keep checking I have had the tablets. Have an UTI so have the box on my mantel place have to have 2 a day so write on the box when I had one and the time.

Got my face to face UC health assessment tomorrow so put everything I need into my backpack yesterday but I know I will kept checking today. Also got my flu jab before I go to it. That was booked in July when I had an email from Boots saying I could book for September.

With everything you went through health wise yourself and with your darling husband, and with his children before and after his death I admire you strong will to keep going . Glad you have your own children's support.

Hope you feel better soon Whiff, great news about your bank balance.
That's a surprise Smileless, the move sound great, I trust there ammenitues like doctors and shops near. Know some parks you can only live in them so many months a year but yours must be different. We all have too much stuff, Im rattling around in this house and never use three of the rooms.
Diamond Lil, you could become a rainmaker,there's going to be a need with climate change,

Morning all

Smiles that sounds like a really good idea to move to that new park, it sounds lovely, I would go for it if I was you, then you'd just have your lodge & flat to manage.

Whiff good to hear you got your PIP payments at long last & back dated too, well done, enjoy your new coat.

DL still very early days after your bereavement of your dear husband. You're lucky to have such a thoughtful DD nearby to help you through.

Secret Glad to hear you're getting back on track with your D and feeling less stressed about it all.

Allsorts I've pm'd you.

Morning everyone.

It's throwing it down here and was raining all night and it is lovely to not worry about the house being dry as finally, after 6.5 years we know it is.

Amenities are a consideration Allsorts TBH. The site is 6 miles from a lovely historic market town but there's only an on site restaurant and a friend of Mr. S.'s has just moved out of his on a different site because now he's in his 80's, he was beginning to feel isolated.

We're very lucky where we are because we can walk into town. My hairdresser and the dogs groomer are less than a 5 minute walk away and doctors surgery and dentist a 10 minute drive.

The site is open all year but you do have to have a permanent address so you can produce a council tax and utilities bill, where are now the site's closed for February every year.

We have our flat, so that wouldn't be an issue. Lots to think about but there's no pressure so it's different to when we moved nearly 7 years ago as I was desperate to get away.

The coat sounds fab Whiff and you deserve to treat yourself having waited so long and fought so hard for your PIP. Hope your health assessment goes well tomorrow then you can put all of your energy into living your best life, which you do despite the daily challenges you face.

You're doing so well DL. Even without additional issues, stress can make it difficult to get our thoughts in order as there are only so many things we can give our attention too at any one time.

'It's Raining Men' eh, one of the best karaoke songs to belt out .

Morning Yogin, great to see you posting after your break away.

We'd sell our current lodge if we made the move so lots to think about.

Yogin great to see you back . You have been missed. 😊

Good morning, everyone, thanks for your good wishes x 💐

Smileless - yes, do think carefully about where you will be living as you get older. DH and I lived in a village in Sussex and it slowly turned into being too much hassle.

All the village shops shut, the buses were curtailed, and we were miles from GP/hospital/etc.

Bad weather made it worse- no gritters ever did anything.

Cabs wouldn't come out, shopping couldn't be delivered etc - so, we made the decision to come home to a London borough.

To be fair, I hated village living anyway - too much of a Londoner lol

We were really lucky, we found this place on the London/North Kent borders - so we had the best of both worlds. Surrounded by countryside and all "London" facilities.

I'm so glad now that we moved home - I would really be struggling down there alone without a car. At least here, I'm local (or Uber doable) to everything I need to be doing. Plus, DD and SIL are only 10 minutes away.

Just a case of looking to the future. 🙂

Thanks DL those are all things we're currently thinking about and of course we're back home now and I'm sitting in our fabulous kitchen/diner with the roof terrace and lovely views.

Smileless2012

Thanks DL those are all things we're currently thinking about and of course we're back home now and I'm sitting in our fabulous kitchen/diner with the roof terrace and lovely views.

Yeah, the grass isn't always greener elsewhere.😉

Thanks Yogin,
Very kind of you to reply.
I had posted my original up-date as requested, but unfortunately it didn’t go down to well and unfortunately the posts ended up upsetting people as you know.

I wanted the group to know that I was moving forward positively and wished you all well. Especially Smiles.

So it’s a goodbye from me and I really hope you all enjoy making the best of your situations.

DL It is fortunate you live where you are now, so much easier than the village where you used to live. I do think as you get older, to move closer to essential services is important, where I am now, everything is within 5 to 10 minutes by car, but if I had to give my car up, which would be awful as I love driving, a taxi would not cost a fortune or take ages and I keep my independence, that's important to me to. However I do know people who live quite remotely who wouldn’t give up their homes as they love village life. I have always liked having shops handy and restaurants, my dream was to live by the sea but it would have meant leaving everyone behind which I couldn't do. I have a box now where I put a pound in for any typos I make so hopefully it will make me do it.
Hi there Yoga, hope all well with you.💐

Another consideration might be the age profile of people living permanently in the new lodges Smiles. Could be an ideal ‘retirement’ community, but also limiting.
After much thought we’ve decided to stay for the time being, and now expect our next move to be when we’re 75. We’ll then do a ‘proper’ downsize to a property we can manage in easily as we get older. Bit of a depressing subject but I think it’s good to have a plan!

Best of luck Secret you're off to a good start .

Thanks Spring that is something we're now thinking about. Would it be limiting? Are we actually ready? I'm 62 and Mr. S. will be 70 in November so if he's ready now, am I?

Doing a 'proper' downsize TBH is rather daunting but it'snot going to get any easier is it.

So all we've succeeded in doing is unsettling ourselves and having a list of questions and not enough answers!!! Oh dear, this is what happens when he hears the words he dreads 'we're just going to have a look'.

We've got so used to having shops, hair dresser, dog groomer and restaurants all within walking distance Allsorts and we're by the sea.

Smileless Sounds like it's a pretty good place to live, even when you're older.

If your house gets too big, then you can downsize, in the same area.

My Dad lived in a large 4 floor Victorian house, and I was suggesting to him for years that he moved to a flat or bungalow, after my mother died - he wouldn't, and then the inevitable happened, in that he could no longer live there.

It was a hassle for us moving here, getting rid of so much clutter, but I'm glad we did it while we could. And I'm really glad now. This is a place I can manage, all on one level, and I just get my decorator in regularly to do the rest. 🙂

I would have had to have moved now, and I think it must be very daunting to do it on your own, after bereavement.

There's a beautifully maintained communal garden, no one either side of me, and nice neighbours.

So, that was the right decision, thankfully. 😉

Hi everyone - some of you may remember that I posted a while ago about our situation & was going for lunch with my son & his family, with my daughter as ‘chaperone’ . I’m a bit nervous about posting this as I really don’t want to cause anyone any further sadness, but I just wanted to let people who were so kind know that it went really well and we were even able to correct a few misunderstandings with them. I took a completely different approach with them all to how I acted before (which was too interfering & too presumptuous), and I think they noticed the difference & appreciated the work I have done to get to that point. I definitely ate some humble pie but, to be honest, I recognise that I needed to. Since then, we have been invited to a Gender Reveal party for the new baby and are going to babysit for them the night before whilst they go out for dinner!! It’s very early days, but I just wanted to update people who were so kind and took the time to welcome me here.

alovelycupofteaa

Hi everyone - some of you may remember that I posted a while ago about our situation & was going for lunch with my son & his family, with my daughter as ‘chaperone’ . I’m a bit nervous about posting this as I really don’t want to cause anyone any further sadness, but I just wanted to let people who were so kind know that it went really well and we were even able to correct a few misunderstandings with them. I took a completely different approach with them all to how I acted before (which was too interfering & too presumptuous), and I think they noticed the difference & appreciated the work I have done to get to that point. I definitely ate some humble pie but, to be honest, I recognise that I needed to. Since then, we have been invited to a Gender Reveal party for the new baby and are going to babysit for them the night before whilst they go out for dinner!! It’s very early days, but I just wanted to update people who were so kind and took the time to welcome me here.

That's lovely. Always nice to hear of people talking and then improving things.

Hope it all continues positively. 🙂💐

Thank you 🙏🏼