Friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life

Smiles it's no wonder you are exhausted coughing all the time not only hurts your chest but is very tiring. One of my posted woman I saw last week has had a cough for 3 weeks after having a cold and my usual postman said his wife has been coughing for 4 weeks. My brother's father in law has COPD and now on his 5th course of antibiotics trying to get rid of his chest infection. Luckily on Tuesday the GP said his chest sounded better than it was.

Problem is the children are back at school so it will be bug central. So back to wearing my mask even though my glasses steam up.

My daughter had a cold and left her with a cough for 2 weeks . She now has flu. I was surprised as she usually has a flu jab but told me she hadn't had one for 2 years but once recovered she's getting one they are under £20 . Both my grandsons had the flu spray up their nose the oldest at school and the youngest at nursery.

Hopefully Mr S doesn't catch the bug from you and you are better soon.

Nice to see your supportive post Madgran hope you are keeping well.

Tracey welcome to the thread but sorry you have need of it but we understand what you are going through . Without the support, understand and friendship I don't know what I would have been like.

You say your sons partner has paranoid schizophrenia did she have this diagnosis before or after he met her? Sorry but it raises a lot of questions to my mind especially as they have a child. Do you know if she is under the care of mental health professionals if not then she should be especially with a child . If she was diagnosed before or while she was living with you she would have been on medication for it and should have been closely followed during her pregnancy and afterwards by mental health team . Hopefully she is taking her medication daily and sees a mental health nurse on a regular basis . If she is not taking her medication then they will call in social services and sorry to say but the child could be taken into care for its own safety.

Sorry to be blunt be you have no doubt thought these things to.

You know how hard it is to bring up a child as you have cerebral palsy and brought your son up from 8 months old by yourself which was incredibly hard for you . I hope you did get help from family and friends. And no doubt you where monitored longer by a health visitor than a non disabled mom .

I was born disabled but only had my diagnosis in 2022 as it's rare. But when my symptoms got worse I had a wonderful husband who just said we alter our way of life to suit you and be a normal family. My daughter was 4 and son 6 months old at the time. I was a hands on mom but only thing I didn't do went my son was a baby was carry him up or down the stairs and I couldn't go out on my own . When we went out because my walking was so bad and had fallen since a child I used a wheelchair until the children where older.

We had support from my parents and my mother in law who I always hated and she me . Funny enough the year I got worse was the year my father in law died I also hated him. So by helping us out my mother in law got help in return but she never showed any grief or talked about her husband.

I don't understand your son he was brought up with a disabled mom and should have realised you need to shield longer . There is a thread on one of the forums where people are still shielding because of health problems.

My story is on here so wouldn't bore you with it. My husband died in 2004 while our daughter was in her last year at uni our son had started college a month before my husband became terminal. Our daughter lived at home after uni to help her brother through A levels. He went to uni in 2006 funny enough the same one my daughter attended. I said she was to go back as she was only doing temp jobs and not using her degree which she worked very hard for and did very well also she had met her future husband at uni and he lived up here.

Both the children always wanted me to live closer to them . I lived over 100 miles away but couldn't until 2019 as I couldn't abandon my parents or mother in law as they needed me until they died .

Funny enough reading your story made realise until my daughter in law had my first grandson she never left when I visited . Once he was born as soon as my son took me to their house she went out with a friend .

My son estranged me via email after seeing him and my 2 grandson's every week for 7 months . Then lockdown happened saw him 4 days before the email in May 2020 it was my birthday end of April and we had to sit apart and not touch.

I was a long distance mom and nannie (my first grandson was born in 2016 )for 13 years. And only saw the family few times a year. I tried to visit 3-4 times a year for 4 days and my children came as often as they could mostly just for the day. Saw my daughter more as her work brought her to the area where I lived and stayed with me instead of a hotel.

My son not only estranged me but all our side of the family. But I decided to give him one last chance. In all that time I had only text time twice before once when I had sold his dad's car reg plate which he left the children in his will and needed his bank details,then when I had my diagnosis and told him I was sending him a letter from my neurologist and how to get tested if he wanted hsd silence and last year friendly short text hsd abuse back so I am done. The only person hurting was me. I still love my son but the son I knew for 32 years not who he is now and miss my grandson's the oldest 2 would have forgotten me by know they are 7 and 5 and their brother is 3 don't know his name or date of birth.

If he wants me back in their live it will be on my terms and I can never forgive my son and daughter in law and would never trust my son again. But he never will contact me again but may been my grandsons might.

Luckily I see my daughter and 2 grandson's regularly.And my son in law when not working.

Tracy it's so hard when people struggle to understand the vulnerabilities for people like yourself and therefore make judgements based on something that is not their experience because the vulnerabilities seem irrelevant to them. That might well be exacerbated by your DIL's schizophrenia too.

It is also hard when no explanation has been given by your son regarding his own contact with you. I assume you did ask for some sort of discussion or explanation but did not get a response?

I'm so sorry that you are in this situation. This thread can provide helpful insights on things to consider, experiences that can guide your own thinking on your situation and support from people who are estranged or have low contact and fear it, and it is good that you can be a part of it as and when you wish to. ¡

Hello Tracy and a warm welcome to the support thread.

I'm so very sorry that you are living with the pain of estrangement which is so much harder when you don't know why your own child refuses to have any contact with you.

It could be that your son continuing contact was impacting negatively on their relationship and if that is the reason, it's a great shame that he didn't say so. When no explanation is given, the silence is deafening.

I've never understood why an AC allows their parent(s), the GP of their child to be alienated or turns their back on the parent(s) because that's what their partner wants. That said, your son's partner being diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia must make the situation extremely difficult.

I can't help but think how short sighted this is of him too, as I'd have thought having your mum to talk too and there to provide what ever support she can would be a great comfort.

I'm glad you've found it helpful to share your story here and that you'll feel able to post again.

Take care Tracy .

I only have one son, who is now estranged. I am disabled with cerebral palsy, and I bought my son up on my own from him being eight months old. In 2017, he met a girl at work. She actually lived with us for two years, and they moved out together in 2019. This was a few months after I'd married my 2nd husband. She was pregnant with my Grandson at the time, and he was born December 2019. We saw all of them regularly until Covid lockdown in 2020. Problems then started as I had to stay home a lot longer than others. (I was told to shield). My son's partner didn't think I'd made enough effort to see my Grandson while shielding, and decided that I couldn't be Nanna and I couldn't see him anymore. She has paranoid schizophrenia too, which complicates her thoughts. My son continued contact until September 2022. I have no idea why it suddenly stopped. Thank you for letting me share my story. It's helped just to tell it to others who understand.

Oh no, I hope this cough isn't going to last 100 days Yogin. I kept falling asleep yesterday during the day and evening because I felt so exhausted.

We had a trip on one of those hovercrafts too and even with the ear protectors, it was incredibly noisy which seemed to defeat the object of seeing any wildlife.

Cancelled today's singing lesson, tonight's choir practice and tomorrow's Mothers Union meeting which is a real pain because it's the meeting to collect everyone's subscriptions for 2024, and I'm the treasurer!!!

I've been using copious amounts of black pepper for ages Allsorts, a long time before Covid so it must be down to my GM's genes.

It's bitterly cold here too but no snow has been forecast. Make sure you and Joey wrap up warm when you go out Yogin.

I hope your snow doesn't make it here Yoga as it’s been so bitterly cold here today.I went to the Everglades with my husband, I never realised how close those alligators came to those boats, which seemed so flimsy to me. I never want to be so close to another Alligator again.
Smileless, have you started to use such a lot of black pepper as your taste gone, since I had Covid the last time I don’t enjoy chocolate or tea,I keep trying it but it’s been over 6 months now.
Whiff glad your classes got back to normalll, I love the buildup up to Christmas, it’s most enjoyable part of it.

Well hailstones & now snowing here!

Still got that tickly cough and as you say Whiff we think we got it from my GC, they had the flu jab at school and was really ill afterwards, then we all got it. I heard yesterday it's called the 100-day cough!

Watched that post office drama, it was horrendous what the sub-postmaster were put through and I agree Smiles it's a must watch. Seems the drama has shot it back into focus and I've heard on the radio this morning MPs are pushing for full compensation and convictions to be overturned. But that won't help the sad 4 who killed themselves and the others that have passed away without justice being done. There are still sub-postmasters coming forward with the same horror stories.

Sounds lovely Smiles your trip to the everglades in Floride.
We went on one of those hovercrafts with the big propeller on the back.

Thanks for that Madgran, I'm glad it's not just me because it's so pointless isn't it, as is worrying about the past because as you say Whiff what's done is done.

20 years next month Whiff .

I go through phases of worrying about what might happen Smileless . Many people do as they get older I think

Allsorts sorry you are still ill and feel run down. Your poor body hasn't time to recover before you catch something else. Schools are back next week so more bugs in the air as the children pass things on to each other and then on to any adults. Saw my post woman this morning wish I could remember her name. She had flu now has a cold.

I know this wet cold weather isn't doing my body any good. My joints hurt more and my legs are cold.

Hope you feel better soon.

Smiles I don't worry about the past it's gone and can't be changed The present is what you make and the future who knows. Thankfully my life is getting back to normal craft Thursday and sit fit Monday . So that's 2 days sorted every week. Plus I usually go out one day and do a bit of shopping. I have my holiday booked . And I want to visit places close by that I haven't been able to get to since my move. We will see when I decide to go. It will depend how I feel of a morning.

Smiles worrying about what might happen isn't ridiculous it's how you feel. But don't let it stop you doing what you want . Life goes by so quickly. Next month it will be 20 years since my husband died . Can't believe how quickly the time has gone by especially since I moved here. So many things have happened because of my move so much good only one bad . But I am happier than I have been since my husband died. Having my diagnosis and proper medication for my HPX and heart completely changed my life for the better.

I have friends I can depend on. My daughter lives close by but don't depend on her ss I like my independence but if I need help I ask.
Only spent Christmas day with my daughter and family and had the rest of the time on my own. Saw friends and watched a lot of TV and cross stitched. Plus my craft what's app group are a chatty bunch. And been chatting to a lot of people on my HPX group. Had more new members. Just wish it would stop raining.

Happy new year crazy🥂

Sorry you're feeling rough Allsorts , colds really make you feel miserable don't they.

I'm getting like my maternal gran. As well as covering my food with large amounts of black pepper which makes me sneeze, I find myself not worrying so much about what's happened but what might happen which is ridiculous isn't it .

Well Smileless now I've got a cold and feel rough, I am very run down. Don't make resolutions but from now on I am not worrying about anything I can't change, I've let go because it's worn me out. I'm sorry you had a panic attack, they are dreadful, I have had a couple over the years and they are frightening. I think being estranged almost shatters your self belief. But we didn't ask or deserve it.
Did not watch the programme about the Post Office, I followed the case and couldn't be more disgusted at the cover up and rewards given to the perpretrators. , I knew if I watched it it would send my blood pressure through the roof.
Hope all of us has a Happy, healthy and peaceful 2024.

And to you too crazy .

Happy and Healthy 2024 to Smileless and everyone else 💐

Afternoon everyone, hope you've all had a good day so far.

I've never had motion sickness Yogin, sounds very unpleasant but I've never felt comfortable travelling in the back of a car or on a coach so maybe I have, just a little bit.

It was frightening Whiff because it lasted for about 3 hours and just came from no where. Mr. S. was lovely as always. Don't know what I'd do without him and hope I never have to find out.

Apart from this flaming cold, I am feeling better thanks Yogin although I had a little flutter last night but it didn't amount to anything. It's probably a build up. As you say there was lock down, and of course there's our on going estrangements and after so long, maybe we don't realise to what extent they continue to impact on our lives and well being.

Losing our dear S still gets to me. Every time I see someone small in the distance wearing a cap back to front, I still momentarily think it's her.

Aaah the Florida Everglades. Had a great trip down there when we had our villa. Travelled down in our hire car specially selected for the trip. A red mustang convertible with cream leather upholstery; fabulous .

We'll be glued to Mr. Bates v the Post Office again this evening. No good for the blood pressure, and we do spend rather a lot of time yelling at the tv but if you're not watching it, I strongly recommend it.

Thanks again for that Whiff

Hope your feeling all better today Smiles. In my last post I should have said everglades type, as wasn't sure if everglades were only applicable to Floride, I googled it after and seems it is

Bridie thank you glad you like them . Hopefully you will post some of your own.

Can't remember if I said because I was asked I started Whiff's recipes but it was for everyone to post theirs.

Wishing you all a happy and peaceful New year, been loving your recipes Whiff .
Hope you are feeling OK soon Smileless.

Yogin many things can trigger a feeling of motion sickness . Well into my 20's I was always car sick. My mom when I was young had to take plastic bags as I was always sick.on the bus.

Flashing lights ,anything flicking like the sun through trees ,being battered by gusts of wind ,getting up to quickly from lying down or sitting can make me give me the feeling of motion sickness. But I
now know for me it's all things that happened to others with HPX . And it happens to friends who either have bad headaches or migraines. It's a very odd feeling and can make you feel sick.

Where your eyes extra sensitive to light or light changes afterwards as the feeling of motion sickness can effect your eyes. As your friend flicked through the photos so quickly and like you said about the old film it's your brain can't keep up with what your eyes are seeing. Hence the feeling of motion sickness. But this is all what I think not based on medical evidence. Hope this makes sense .

Smiles sorry you had a panic attack you must have been frightened and Mr S probably felt helpless to do anything . Hopefully he just held you until it was over. Anyone can have a panic attack there is no rythme or reason to why they happen or what sets them off. Again my theory . Some of my craft friends get them. But they have never been able to pinpoint what sets it off. And it's debilitating when you have one. Hope your cold feels better for choir practice or you will be croaking your way through a song . Glad you are leak free.

Morning all

Sounds like your estrangement was on the cards then Whiff must have hurt bad the way your d.i.l didn't trust you with the GC and your son joining her.

Sorry to hear about your panic attack Smiles is that from lockdown or the estrangement do you think?

Well, I've a strange tale; went to my friend's house for coffee yesterday as it didn't stop raining all day. After our coffee and homemade cake my friend showed me all the pictures from her trip to Oz, about a 100, anyways lots, but towards the end I started to feel unwell. Went to the loo and then said my goodbyes, I had been there for an hour and 45mins, so for coffee I would think that's about right. But my friend sort of indicated she thought I was going a bit early. Got home and just relaxed on the settee and dozed off for an hour, felt better went I woke.

But strange thing is I think it was motion sickness from flicking through all the pictures. I had the same thing when I watched my home movie of when I was in India, going through the everglades, my terrible filming skills, jumping from one scene to the other, one bird to another, I had the same reaction and had to stop watching, laid down and slept for 2hrs and woke feeling ok. Anyone else had this reaction? I also can't sit in the back of a car or go on even the 'teacups' at a fairground!

I later txt my friend and apologised if she felt I had dashed off rather quick, explaining I had suddenly felt unwell, she replied, 'was it the cake' and I just said, 'no not the cake' as it was too complicated to say in a txt message.

Morning everyone and a 'Happy New Year' to you all.

Well 2024 hasn't got off to the best start. We didn't go out for our planned meal because I had an awful panic attack!!! . No idea what brought it on but I was in quite a state so we had to cancel the meal, just half an hour before we were due to go.

Woke up New Year's day with a horrible cold and chesty cough. Oh well to quote that song 'Things can only get better'.

Lovely to see your post pantglas .

So sorry you're still not well Allsorts. It must belong Covid and very frustrating having had the vaccinations but as Whiff says, you could have been feeling a lot worse without them.

The horrible weather and never ending rain is affecting our dog walks too Yogin and it's awful to see so many who have flooded homes.

We're leak free Whiff which is a huge relief but we still check every room when there's a heavy down pour and I think we always will.

All Christmas decs taken down and the house looks rather bare but it's good to get back to 'normal'. Church choir practice for me on Thursday if I'm well enough to go and Mr. S's. in door bowls has started up again.

Another quiet day for me today as I've no energy to do anything anyway. Enjoy your baking Whiff, I've never had marmalade cake.

Take care everyone x.

Allsorts sorry you are still not well from having Covid 6 months ago even with the vaccines . But think how much worse you would have been without them . Hopefully as the spring arrives you will feel better. I know it's a long way off. I know this wet weather makes my joints hurt more and heating costs have just gone up so being careful using it. But since the heating engineer from Homeserve did something to my boiler my radiators are hotter and they heat up quicker and stay hot longer.

My daughter's in laws saw more of them before I moved here as I only saw them every few months. I think I do see more of her and my grandsons now. The TV is never on at my daughter's Christmas day until everyone goes home. And the boys are only allowed so much TV a day. So when I have them I know when they are allowed to watch TV and for how long and what programmes they are allowed. From what my eldest grandson had said his nannie and grandad let him watch what he wants don't think my daughter knows but it's not my place to say anything. As what my grandson tells me is between him and me . I don't want either of the boys growing up thinking they can't trust me. If I was told something that was dangerous or concerning then I would tell my daughter. That's the thing about my daughter and son in law they have always trusted me with the boys. Even when I had the limb jerks with the eldest. Not had them since the youngest was born. Yet my son and daughter in law never trusted me to be in the same room alone with their eldest 2. And yet my son was 6 months and daughter 4 when they started and neither of them got hurt because of me.

I will never understand why my son thought I couldn't be trusted with my grandson's especially as he trusted his mother in law who smoked. I couldn't help what my body did but she could have stopped smoking but chose not to.

I am going round in circles again.

Allsorts I know it's hard to get an appointment at your GPs but do think you need to see someone and have a good check up and your blood tested. You may have an underlying health problem you don't know about.

Yogin hope there isn't much flooding by you . I know my daughter had to make detours yesterday due to flooded roads. This weather will be harder for your son driving as other drivers don't allow extra space for braking on wet roads. And getting wet and cold making deliveries will be miserable. My brother always made sure he had dry clothes in his cab and thermos of coffee. He even had tinned food and a little camp burner to heat up food if he got stuck somewhere for hours due to bad weather. My husband as soon as the autumn arrived he put his big box into the car with winter supplies ,gravel , bigger first aid kit , spade, large torch and spare batteries , extra waterproofs and his hiking boots he kept dubbed. He's Scouting years of always being prepared for any eventually stayed with him for life.

Craft group tomorrow then sit fit starts again on Monday. So baking today and trying a gluten free recipe for the first time . Have the flour and baking powder and making a marmalade cake plus ordinary cake.

Smiles hope you have no more leaking. Hope everyone else is ok.

Thanks for that Whiff. I enjoyed my blustery walk on the beach with my friend yesterday and am due to meet up for a walk in the park with another friend later this morning but it's tipping down here, so think poor little Joey will be staying home and we'll have to find a warm cosy place inside for our coffee and chat. This friend's son lives in Oz, she goes a lot to see them staying for a whole year once, she flew back with them after their visit to the UK this October and stayed for Xmas.

Allsorts wish you better x

I can’t stand Mrs Brown's Boys, he makes me cringe, I saw him as himself on tv years ago and the mouth on him put me off him. My family all watch the programme though, so if he’s on I grin and bear it. In this part of the world I’ve never seen anyone kiss other than their husband or partner on the lips, we never did as a family. Everyone’s different.
We’ve always done lists for presents and I always used to check it by my son and daughter. My son played endlessly with Action Man and tanks and toy soldiers, my daughter was all dolls. There wasn’t the violence then though on tv, they never had a tv in their rooms, I monitored everything they saw, the most frightening was Dr Who.
It’s awful feeling left out of conversations Whiff for anyone, a bit harder too when you haven’t a partner to help you out. I dare say you see a lot more of the family than they do, so understand the children more. Your d knows you are generous and always have been and wants to treat you, just as you would. She has done well because you gave her a good upbringing.
Want to wish everyone a Happy New Year, I’ve been unwell since Boxing Day so just want to get right and go out. I’ve never felt right since I had Covid 6 months ago, despite all the vaccinations.