Friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life

Terrible story Bonny I'm so sorry

Thank you for the link Sandy my GC could easily find me if they wanted to, but at the moment they don't know who I am any more.

Wish you better Whiff

QuoteSmileless2012 Wed 09-Aug-23 10:34:02

Yes, quite right Smiles, good post.

Nice to hear about your happiness in your lodge, it does sound wonderful.

Hi Spring nice to read another good post from you. Yes, like you, this forum is the place for me, but heartbreaking when reading yet another new estranged GP post.

Morning everyone.

The statistics are frightening aren't they Spring. All those broken families. All those heart broken GP's and GC who are no longer able to see the GP's they loved or who never had the opportunity to know them and maybe never will.

It was a nightmare for you Yogin, bad enough without you living in fear and you were the one who wasn't good enough to continue being in your GD's life!!!

Looking forward to a lovely warm and sunny day. Nothing planned apart from enjoying the with my book and chilling out with a BBQ this evening. Just haven't had enough of them this summer.

Hope you're OK Whiff and sending love and (((hugs))) .

Just realised it's my M&D's wedding ann. today: For them

Looking forward to a lovely warm and sunny day. Nothing planned apart from enjoying the sunshine with my book and chilling out with a BBQ this evening. Just haven't had enough of them this summer...........Smiles did you have too .

Good morning everyone.

Well, life rumbles on here, with ongoing stress with Miss D.

It all exploded, again, last week, so DD has put in a complaint to SSD, about the constant change of social workers, changing agreements, and all round chaos.🙄

Anyway, a key worker is being appointed, but we've put everything, regarding the baby, on hold until after Miss D's sentencing at the end of August.

My ex still isn't speaking to my son. I did write to him, as did my son, but it did no good - so there you go.

Still haven't heard from StepACs, but then, again, I didn't expect to....especially once they realised DH had left them out of any bequests...they have reaped what they sowed.😏

My bereavement stress crashes in and out, not helped by other stress, but I've got to press on - nothing else I can do really. I still can't eat properly, the weight is still falling off, but I guess that'll change at some point.

But, I have been accepted as a volunteer at a local food bank, helping with claiming benefits and forms, which is where my previous skill sets lay - so, I'm starting with one day, as I'm still flaky at times. But, it will, I hope, give me some purpose in life.

I'm hopeless at anything creative or crafts, so although my physical self is clapped out, my mental abilities are fine (I think!), so I'll utilise that.

It was never about getting paid for something, finances aren't any sort of problem, but I cannot just sit here waiting to join DH.

So, new horizons. Not what I expected at the start of the year, but life will do as it will.🙁

Sorry, in a nice way, to see a lot of new people - this year has taught me that life can be short, things can change in a heartbeat, and really, unless there's a real reason, all these family arguments and estrangements are pointless really. And, painful for those affected.

It's DDs and my birthdays next week, so the GCs are taking us out to dinner later - nice, but the heat is building, and I get so breathless in it. But they're off to Uni soon, so I like to see them before they go.

Anyway, hope everyone has a good day x💐

Will have to take this post at a time . Go AWOL for few days and so much has happened. As of yesterday pain flare over. Never lasted 9 days for decades . Speaking to my GP on 24th about referral to pain clinic.

First on the 9th it was 4 years since the bungalow was mine. Can't believe it's been 4 years. Best thing I could have done. I live my life to the full no longer just exist as I did in the Black country. Happier than I have been since my husband died. Only blot my son dumping me but his choice. But lot more positive things have happened during the 4 years. Right better start reading.

Justbecause glad you had a lovely time seeing your daughter married and the drinks reception went well. It was the right thing to do leaving after. As the day went on people would have drunk more and then all hell would have broken out.

Glad you have decided not to let your daughter hurt you anymore. It's a hard decision to make. Had to make that decision a few months back. Gave my son a final chance all I got was vile text. I am done. If he wants me in his life he knows where I am but it will be on my terms and he needs to answer for his words. He is no longer the loving caring son I knew but I am no longer the mom he knew.

As you know what your daughter has said and done can never be undone. I don't know if you can forgive her. But I can never forgive my son or daughter in law they have hurt me to much. But I don't hate them . My daughter in law killed the love I felt for her by one sentence in her Reddit post. Still love my son because he is my child. It's my 3 grandson's who have suffered . If they want to find me they will and then they can learn the truth . But as they get older they will question things and children aren't stupid they can see what their parents are like. And there is no such thing as a perfect parent or child.

Glad you have decided to look after yourself . And you have to put your wants and needs first. Be the person you want to be . The hurt you suffered will always be there but you don't have to let it rule your life. It will overwhelm you out of the blue and if it does let it and it will go quickly. The on to the next thing. As said many times estrangement is a living grief. Which does hurt but not as much as a person would love dieing does.

Smiles glad the book has helped you and Mr S deal with things . It's been a long time for you both but glad you have eachother to share it with. Men think they have to be the stronger one when in fact it's women who are stronger than men. It's hard for men born in the 50's and 60's as it was inbred into them had to be be the head of the household and keep the family together. Well men born before that and even some modern men are brought up the same way. When if fact it's the woman who do that . Men feel they can't show their feelings and how much they hurt. And when they do it's worse for them to cry and need comforting. It's the old fashioned way of men having to be strong and being like a silver back gorilla beating his chest and chasing away others that would hurt their family. But when it's your own child or children who cause the hurt they don't know how to deal with that.

My husband had been hurt to much by his own parents . He would have nipped things in the bud with our son and daughter in law. If he had noticed how much I was hurting . But it's a mote point as he died before they met . I do wonder if our son ever thinks of his dad and if he does I hope he feels ashamed. As much as we loved and I still love our children the love we had for eachother was stronger. Glad you have Mr S Smiles because it's destroys you when the other half of yourself dies. And that loss doesn't ease over time it only gets worse . Well that's my experience.

My daughter's eldest was asking about his mommies daddy on Tuesday I told him somethings but he's only 5 so had to be careful and talk about funny things. But am grateful he has his dad's parents in his life . So he has 2 nannies but importantly a grandad in his and his brothers life and his 2 cousins on his dad's side of the family.

My 3 grandson's with my son only have one nannie as far as they are concerned. And my daughter in law is estranged from her dad but he lives the other side of the world. And as far as I know only knew she had one son.

Would love to hear you sing Smiles . I love singing but it's enough to make cats howl. 🤣 . When I sing nursery rhymes with the boys I sing the ones I did to mine. But because of our PCP mad world some of the words have changed but I don't know them and anyway there are black sheep .

Yogin your daughter had a good time on her 40th. My daughter was 40 in June my son in law 40 next month. Glad you enjoyed you G&T's. That was a massive thing not to think about your estranged daughter I hope you felt proud and a relief . Like Smiles it's been a long time since the estrangement. But you are still going strong and have who loved ones who care for you in your life. Plus Joey of course can't miss him out.

Funny never wanted a pet but love hearing about Joey and Smiles dogs. Friends at my craft group yesterday had me in stitches with there cat and dog tales. Had to many people in my life to ever want anyone or anything to be depandant on me like that again. But I do know especially dogs seem to know when their owner isn't well or needs comforting . The cat tales seem to be all about them going missing or bring dead birds and mice or worse a live mouse and let it go in the house. 😱.

Hugs have you had your roof repaired yet? And have you found anymore things wrong you didn't know about ? I am glad my son gave me the name of his surveyor and knew all the things that needed doing before I moved here. And in which order I needed to do things. Must say all the tradesmen I used have been brilliant. At least the bungalow is exactly how I want it . Only needs redecorating in 5-10 years. Need to buy some paint to touch up bits I have knocked. But no rush to do that as people take me as they find me.

My brother and sister in law having new kitchen fitted this week.

Anyway take care Hugs.

Be back later as need to get up now as busy day ahead of me.

DL best of luck with your new job, yes, it's nice to have something else in your life to think about. Hope you have a lovely birthday meal with your DD&DGC xx

Thank you Whiff, pleased to hear you have your pain under control and are feeling better.

I'm off out in a minute for some self-inflicted pain, I'm having some 'baby botox', keep thinking to cancel. Same place as I had my eyebrows dyed, not going to bother with the eyebrow tint again as I still have to pencil them in, as they are so thin.

Yoginimeisje

DL best of luck with your new job, yes, it's nice to have something else in your life to think about. Hope you have a lovely birthday meal with your DD&DGC xx

Thank you Whiff, pleased to hear you have your pain under control and are feeling better.

I'm off out in a minute for some self-inflicted pain, I'm having some 'baby botox', keep thinking to cancel. Same place as I had my eyebrows dyed, not going to bother with the eyebrow tint again as I still have to pencil them in, as they are so thin.

Thanks, yes, I do need something. Had a lovely meal, despite the heat.

You're braver than me with the Botox...I now peak at a bit of waxing (ouch), a manicurist and hair - wuss that I am. 🙂

CrazyH sorry you are now having a problem with your grandson. I hope you are coping and this thread will help .

Moonwatcher glad you are back with your daughter. But no doubt you are on alert for the slightest sign things are starting to go wrong again. But enjoy having your daughter back in your life.

Leaves I am sorry about your son, daughter in law and the loss of your grandchildren. It's an awful thing when you have to protect yourself from your own child. And moving is stressful enough without having to move because of the abuse from you son and your daughter in law's behaviour. I hope you find a lovely new home to buy soon.

I moved 100+ miles plus to live closer to my children. They had wanted me nearer to them for years. But couldn't move until my mom died. I don't regret moving one bit as I existed but now live my life to the full. Been here 4 years now. Even though my son decided 3 years ago to dump me and lost my 3 grandson's I have more positives in my life. But I will not allow what he has done and what my daughter in law have written about me hurt anymore . I am done. I still love my son and miss my grandson's even the youngest who I have never met or know his name . As it hurts to much to think of him without a name I have named him just to make it easier to think of him.

When we become parents never thought one day they would turn on us and we have to protect ourselves from our own children from hurting us.

Sandy sorry it has been so long for you and to not know your grandchildren is awful but as you know you are not alone in this situation. Setting up the register will help some grandparents. Think I have already said I won't be registering. If my grandson's want to find me when they are older they can. As I am staying put. They are nearly 7 ,5 on Monday and 3. I know the amount of estranged parents is staggering but it still seems to be a taboo subject. But it shouldn't be. I am open about my son and because I am had several people tell me about their children and or grandchildren. It used to be mental health that was hidden before that being homosexual but they are talked about on the media all the time. But estrangement is still seen as shameful . And the parents always get the blame when in fact it's our children who are to blame . But our children want to see themselves as victims it's laughable really . They think they are perfect parents one day they will realise there's no such thing. To quote Mrs Brown we are amateur parents with amateur children.

We come home with a baby and do the best we can. We brought our 2 up the same way I was knowing everyday we loved and was proud of them . And instilled into them good values. What hurts the most I never saw the estrangement coming and to find out my son is cruel and cowardly things I would never say he was hurt all the more. Instead of facing me he dumped me via email the letter 3 months later. I know why he did it that way because he couldn't have said the things to my face as he couldn't have gone through it. Years ago when he was a teenager he did something which I have already written about . And told him never to make me ashamed to be his mom ever again he promised he wouldn't. He broke that promise. I am not ashamed of his achievements and I know my grandson's are their world. I am ashamed for his cruelty and cowardness.

Bonny so sad to hear your story. But how cruel to treat you that way just because you had a mental health breakdown and had to go into hospital. Where you should have been shown kindness and understanding you have been treated cruelly. Glad you are getting help from counsellors. There is a thread on the health forum called Black Dog don't know if it would help you if you read it . I know it has helped me and I post occasionally . I didn't realise I had anxiety until I had my diagnosis for my neurological condition last year. It's rare and I was born with it and talking to others with it realised I am not weird as I thought all my life but what my body has done and does is normal for HPX. Plus what I was feeling about certain situations caused me to be anxious.

Spring it seems estrangement is on the rise. Technology has made it easier for our children to get rid of us. As I have said my son did it by email then follow up letter. Also my daughter in law trolled me on GN and found out in 2020 she had been writing awful things about me on Reddit for over a year before I moved here.

Look at how many children have committed suicide because of cyber bullying and how many parents have suffered because if it.

Technology has helped such a lot but also caused problems which no one would have thought about.

When I was bullied at school at least my bully's did it to my face. And not hid behind user names . There are whole generations of cruel cowards nowadays. I don't know how they can live with themselves. They must put in a front of being a nice kind person when in fact they are the opposite. And the worst thing is they don't even really believe what they write they are just to use an old word wicked .

DiamondLily your grief for your husband is very new even after 19. 5 years for me grief overwhelms me. But I don't fight it learn the hard way I didn't have to be brave . All this with Miss D and helping support your daughter makes your grief worse. Because the one person you need you can't have . When the other half of yourself dies you are never whole again. I know I have shouted at my husband for dieing when the estrangement happen. Then I see him with that stupid grin on his face and know he is always with me in my heart and mind. I am an atheist so don't believe in God or afterlife. What you do when you are alive is what counts. I know here people's faith is important to them and helps them cope. We all have own ways to cope which helps us.

Your new job helping at the food bank filling in forms etc with help a lot of people. When I needed help with my PIP forms CAB and Age UK refused to help me. And because of time limit as it took 10 days for the forms to arrive because they don't post them on the day they are done so my daughter filled them out for me. Didn't know about the Brain Charity April last year only found out about the July/ August when we had a new member of our craft group join. But they are helping me.

I hope your job gives you a good outlet from all your stresses and know you will hear some terrible stories but I know you can help people . And hopefully in turn will help you.

Hope you and your daughter have wonderful birthdays . Plenty of good company ,food and drink. And beable to put your worries to one side.

Smiles glad you are having a good time at the lodge with Mr S and the furry guys.

Keeping this thread going proves how much it is needed plus all the old hands are still here welcoming new comers who find themselves in a situation no parent ever thought would happen .

Yogin eyebrow tinting and baby Botox you are very brave. I just let nature take its course wrinkles and grey hairs . It's exhausting just to have a shower once a week . Takes me a good hour to shower, get dry and put my cream on then get dressed. Had my hair lopped off this week it was just below shoulder length not jaw length. Haven't had it this short since a teenager. But so fed up having to tie it up when hot and time it took to shampoo and conditioner. Wish I had it cut this short ages a go.

Took my grandson to the Wetherspoons for lunch last week . We make rockets which when pressed down jumped up again. This week it's baking and making a bag each for him and his brother. Using my sewing machine but he's not allowed to use it . But he will be telling me what to do.

Got an exciting day on Wednesday as meeting a poster from GN. We talk , text and email can't wait to met in the flesh.

Well tell you about my trip to the Brain Charity yesterday another day as you can see back to my rambles. Pain flare finally over Thursday night. Longest one I have had . But didn't stop me going to my sit fit and craft groups.

Take care everyone one . 🤗

We are accused of being bad parents just read a story of a mom who let her 10 year old daughter have acrylic nails and the child has lost a nail and on antibiotics . 🤬

Just received some devastating news. One of 'our girls', our neighbours, has had a massive stroke. She's early 40's, the next 48 hours are crucial and if she makes it, the life long affects are likely to be life changing.

Just feel numb. We love them both dearly and her partner's in a terrible state. They're on holiday at her parents so thank God she's not alone; if she was at home, we'd have gone back today to be with her but all we can do is pray.

If you pray, please pray for S. Thank you.

Every thing crossed for your neighbour smiles... so young!

Smileless2012

Just received some devastating news. One of 'our girls', our neighbours, has had a massive stroke. She's early 40's, the next 48 hours are crucial and if she makes it, the life long affects are likely to be life changing.

Just feel numb. We love them both dearly and her partner's in a terrible state. They're on holiday at her parents so thank God she's not alone; if she was at home, we'd have gone back today to be with her but all we can do is pray.

If you pray, please pray for S. Thank you.

Smileless ...Oh goodness. I had two strokes in my 40's, but recovered, over time. It's a hard slog though.🙁

Hope she's ok x

Smiles so sorry about your lovely girl next door her partner must be inconsolable . Hopefully she is young enough and strong enough to pull through. But it will take time . One of my friends at craft group her father in law had 2 strokes while in a MRI scanner this week . But they didn't notice. It was only at her insistent that they had a good look at the scans. He was in ITU for 2 days and then moved to recuperation ward. He's in his 70's had a stroke before. But not as bad as this time.

Until she sees her she won't stop worrying. Recovering from a stroke takes time and life changing but they have a strong love and will get through it together. And family and friends like you and Mr S will help them anyway they need.

She 'phoned about an hour ago. S. is in an induced coma and only has a few hours to live. I just can't believe it.

Oh dear. So sorry to hear that.

Best wishes to everyone x💐

Smiles I am so sorry . The poor girls and their families. Why do the good die young and the wicked live a long life. 😢