Guilt for going no contact

I don’t know what issues you have with your parents. I can only tell you that when my parents died suddenly within weeks of one another it was devastating. I’m glad that they knew I loved them and nothing was left unsaid. I would urge you to put that thought on the scales with your mental health.

Parlorgames you obviously had a good relationship with your parents. Not everyone does. I dislike this 'be kind' message to people where you don't know the background. The OP feels bad enough. Stop trying to make things worse.

Doodle

Only you know the reason for going no contact. Only you know if what they’ve done is unforgivable but I would ask, thinking back over the years have they been there for you, shown you kindness and love, done things for you?
Are you angry with them? If so I suggest you try and put the anger aside as that clouds judgement. In a rational mind do you have good reason for what you’re doing?
Im blessed by my family and I know I would be devastated beyond belief if I were to lose any of them. I have loved them all. Is what they’ve done really so bad? Is there no way back?
Only you know if you can forgive them .

Abusers aren’t evil 24/7/365. Love bombing is an extremely well used tactic, and even the most abusive of families have periods of calm, where the child (be an actual child or adult) starts thinking, “Is this it? Am I really getting the mother/father/family I always wanted?” and then things slide into the abuse again.

Step back a moment and ask yourself, “If this were an abused woman, would I be saying this to her about her spouse?”

People rarely encourage an abused wife to consider the good times, to put aside her anger, to consider reconciliation. Why is it that abused children are pressured to do so with their parents?

OP, your siblings push because of a few reasons. One, without you around, they’re likely dealing with being the new target, or at the very least, are tired of listening to your parents rant about you. It’s selfish on their part, wanting their lives to go back to normal. Or, they simply had a very different experience than you did, and refuse to acknowledge that. My siblings were treated much better by our parents, both as children and adults. They never experienced the physical abuse that I did, and that’s at least in part because I went to the police when I left home. I know this because I was told, flat out, that they knew my youngest sibling would call the police too. (They were angry and resentful because I’d put the idea in their head by my actions. Again, I was told this, although with a lot more cursing).

You have the right to a life free of abuse. You don’t EVER have to accept that, ever again.

I dont know if I will regret it after they pass is the most honest answer I can give right now

I forgive them and I have compassion for them. It is done from a distance.
If they would listen to me and TRY to understand my hurt in the things they say that I have repeatedly asked them not to because I find them hurtful, then I could have a relationship with them. When I ask them , or rather did as I am NC with them now, not to say or do a certain thing as I find it hurtful, I am met with " you're so sensitive, can't say anything to you, you're so difficult" etc etc. If I could be heard today and these behaviours could stop, whatever they have done/said in the past I could drop just like that. But this 'hurtful' behaviour continues and it affects my mental and emotional health very much so.
Its a horribly sad situation for all involved. Its the consequences of a very emotionally abusive family dynamic, no one comes out with our wounds and scars. Very very sad. thank you for replies.

Good post, Doodle. Will you come to regret this decision when they pass away, or if they develop dementia and you can no longer talk with them (as opposed to talking to them)? Only you know the answer.

Only you know the reason for going no contact. Only you know if what they’ve done is unforgivable but I would ask, thinking back over the years have they been there for you, shown you kindness and love, done things for you?
Are you angry with them? If so I suggest you try and put the anger aside as that clouds judgement. In a rational mind do you have good reason for what you’re doing?
Im blessed by my family and I know I would be devastated beyond belief if I were to lose any of them. I have loved them all. Is what they’ve done really so bad? Is there no way back?
Only you know if you can forgive them .

Is there someone you can talk this through with? Counselling?
It’s a big decision and you must have your reasons, but you seem to be having doubts/wondering if you are right.
I do understand as I stopped all contact with one parent and had pressure from a sibling, but always knew it was the only thing I could do.

I have lost both my parents but, even though we had our differences, I would give anything for one more day with them. Be kind GNetters.

Thank you for replies, appreciated. "those feelings will fade given time." Well said! Even at this point they have faded to what they were 2 months ago, so yes more time more fading. Thank you again, I guess today was a wave of guilt for me to deal with, it will pass. Replies have helped!

I'm sure you haven't estranged your parents without good cause so no need to feel guilt.
Your siblings have their opinion but they shouldn't try to interfere and make you feel bad about your decision.
You will have feelings of regret at times but if you know you have done the right thing for you those feelings will fade given time.

I can't relate because I've no experience of estranging a parent Loveandpositivity but I doubt your on your own about having feelings of guilt. I'd think it's quite normal, especially to begin with and you say you've been estranged for many months, not years.

Are the thoughts you're having based on what your siblings or other family members have said?

If you know that what you've done is the right thing for you, that's what you need to try and focus on and with time the guilt you feel right now will begin to subside.