Child protection

You absolutely did the right thing. The fallout is inevitable. Very sorry that your daughter stopped you seeing your GD. Poor you and poor her..its awful to be apart from them. Seek some counselling because this loss is dreadful for all concerned. In time I am hopeful that things will be resolved with your daughter and you will be able to see your little GD again. Its early days, and I know the pain you're going through.

From my knowledge of 4 year olds they are innocent unless corrupted, At that age they are like sponges and believe adults that’s how children get indoctrinated, I would believe what a four year old said, in fact I would record the conversation in my phone. Do you placate your daughter who is dismissive or try to protect your innocent granddaughter, I know what I would do.

I am a mandated reporter in the US--I have no option but to report to the authorities if I learn of possible abuse. The court system doesn't give me an option about that because, in the long history of such abuses, the justice system here, like that in the UK, has come to recognize that children can be protected from such abuse only if responsible adults act on the information and don't waste time thinking "Should I report this? I don't know, it might not be true, she / he might have made it up, my relatives might be angry with me if I report this, it's stirring a hornet's nest," etc. etc. etc. You did the right thing. You did the only thing you could possibly do if you are a good grandmother--and believe me, this proves that you are. I am sorry that the upshot is currently so distressing for you, and I hope that in time your daughter will behave responsibly too--but thank God you did. I admire you for doing the right thing, thinking of your granddaughter's welfare rather than your own comfort.

I suspect that a child of her age is extremely, extremely unlikely to imagine / make up sexual activity; wiser heads may set me straight, but I don't think so. If that's true, that makes it even more honorable that you reported what she said.

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Sago

Had you not acted you would have been invalidating your granddaughter.
It is vital her voice is heard.
I have been in a not dissimilar position recently and like you I was scapegoated.
I have some idea of the angst this is causing and my heart goes out to you.

It's one of those fraught situations. Both children need support, but the 4 year old is more vulnerable and, first and foremost, needs protecting.

Well done for supporting your GD. 💐

It would be better for the OP's GD if she does maintain contact with her because as least she took what her GD told her seriously, when her own mother didn't.

Agree with you VioletSky

I am talking to OP in my comment

I am worried about both children in this scenario, both need help and it may be that both actually need protection but that is something for the authorities to sort out and OP did the right thing reporting it

VioletSky, No one is suggesting anything other than the need to safeguard this child. The alleged abuser is 11 and in psychological distress.

wellbeck, the Children Act’s focus on the welfare of the child allows significant individuals/relatives to make as application to apply for contact. In private law, parents and family members will be encouraged to resolve matters in the best interests of the child. That may involve mediation. It would be rare for a grandparent to get a contact order

It is possible in theory welbeck but very difficult to achieve in practice.

i thought one could possibly, at least in theory, get some kind of GP/GC contact order if it can be shewn that the GP has been involved in the child's life on a regular basis, esp since birth, and that the child would be missing a positive emotional bonus otherwise.
?

It's perfectly understandable that DistraughtGrandma is worried about losing contact with her GD, especially as the child's mother hasn't taken the child's disclosure seriously and the OP has been the only one to report this.

Children have rights, the right to be kept safe from abuse being the one that should be focused on here

Correct.

OP asked Has anyone else been in this situation and if so is it possible to go to court to get visitation rights?

She didn't ask if she was right or wrong to report the problem.

From other posts I understand GPs have no 'rights' to see their GCs and courts cannot help.

Had you not acted you would have been invalidating your granddaughter.
It is vital her voice is heard.
I have been in a not dissimilar position recently and like you I was scapegoated.
I have some idea of the angst this is causing and my heart goes out to you.

I agree your daughter is probably too shocked to want to acknowledge that it could be a reality. Therefore in denial.
Difficult times for you all.

Thank you once again for all your words of wisdom.

I really hope her mum has second thoughts and takes it seriously. At that age it is most unlikely the little one made up sexual abuse. That 11 year old also needs help.

It’s highly unlikely your young grandaughter named her relative in place of an adult

Distraught Gramdma Your original question was partly about visitation rights. I understand why you are thinking about that because you fear losing contact. However I think at the moment you need to keep your focus totally on safeguarding for your granddaughter. Wait and see the outcomes of professional investigations. Those might help you to decide the way forward for you. Ask them for advice as well, as appropriate.

Regarding your daughter she is clearly in shock. It is hard to understand her initial response as a parent but give time, just wait, see what the investigation outcomes are. You will also of course be dealing with fall out with your sister/wider family too. But you have been wise, focused and absolutely done the right thing.

Keep that focus on your little granddaughter

I am in UK, and the 11yrs old is my sister's child (biologically male but now identifies as female).

What makes it worse is that my sister asked her child if it happened and they denied it (obviously) and then made out my GD has an imaginative mind!!

Only the specialists will be able to uncover the truth. It may not have even been my sister's child but an adult and my GD used the 11yrs old name as a substitute. Who knows! As long as it's investigated and she is safe.

Re my daughter's reaction, I am gobsmacked and can only think it is shock!

Are you in the UK Distraught Grandma?
Your second post says the alleged perpetrator was 11 years old. In the uk, that age gap would be a red flag, not seen as children having an ‘education exercise’. Is the 11 year old well known, or a family member to your daughter?

In your place, I’d be waiting for and co-operating with the formal investigation, which in this situation will be joint police-social work. Applying for ‘visitation rights’ sounds American and I don’t know enough about that to comment.

I stand very firmly by what I said. If a 4 year old child disclosed to me there is no way in the world I would consider they might not be telling the truth.
Thank you Diamond Lily for substantiating.

I worked in a Child Protection dept for years and most 4 year olds don't make up allegations of this nature.

Well done for reporting it - and I expect Social Services will contact you.

I know some parents don't want this sort of thing reporting, but it needs to be done.