Child protection

With this very very limited information- i am sure this is the tip of the iceberg

If you do anything - it would be consult to a lawyer

Go for gpr is like throwing an atomic bomb in an already dangerous situation

You have taken the correct course of action Grandma333. You had no option but to report what your GD told you. Your daughter will come to recognize that fact in due course. I am not surprised you are distraught, I would be too! I have no experience of this so in no position to advise really - but I do know you had no choice. If you hadn't reported the abuse you would have been instrumental in it possibly continuing and you don't deserve that. Perhaps sit tight for now and wait and see what happens next . Not sure about going to court for access to your GD , don't think GPs have many rights. Any way it may possibly be too early to be thinking on those lines , perhaps let the dust settle and see what moves the authorities make. 💐💐

So sorry to hear this

Going to court for visitation will not stop this child being abused, if anything it will make life worse for them. If the allegations are proven to be unfounded, no court will give you visitation, you may even end up with a restraining order against you

If you are concerned for the child the focus must be keeping them safe ALL the time not visitation

Pursue the matter with the relevant authorities and listen to their advice to you

Oh how sad and how distressing and painful for you and the little girl You have done the right thing for her in the long run (it sounds as if it could be the child’s father and your daughter s protecting him and making you out to be the bad one, the stirrer)
I don’t think you ll have any chance with the courts Grandparents seem to have no rights

Have the authorities taken you seriously and are they investigating this properly it’s such a fine line because the grandaughter has now lost her protector

I can only wish you the help you and the little one need

You did the right thing and the authorities will take a dim
View if they find your daughter had colluded by keeping silent.
Presumably police are involved with social services, and hopefully you should hear from them.
Whatever happens know that you did the right thing, you had no choice to do otherwise.

Thank you for all your advice.

I hope for my GD sake that this is nothing more than an education exercise between a 4yrs old and an 11yrs old boy!

I will need to let the authorities investigate now and hope they do their job thoroughly enough!

My only option is to sit tight, cry lots and wait for common sense to prevail. I know I did the right thing and I will need to hold on to that thought, as I know my GD trusted me enough to tell me and she means everything!

What a terrible situation to be in DistraughtGrandma.

You've absolutely done the right thing in taking this matter to the authorities, having first spoken to your D who refuses to do anything about it.

All you can do now is allow the relevant authorities to do their work and wait and see what the outcome will be. As silverlining has posted, the authorities will not be impressed if your D is found to be enabling abuse because she's not prepared to put the welfare of her D first.

You have done and one day your GD will know what you've done for her .

As a welfare officer we are told to report anything that gives rise for concern. We may not always be right but it is important that we do so for the sake of the young person. So you have done everything that safeguarding says you should and it is now in the hands of trained personnel. I think Distraughtgrandma you should see what that outcome is. It may make dd see things differently. Had you not acted and gd was further abused, assuming she was telling the truth which you have to do, you would never have forgiven yourself. Doing nothing was not an option. I do hope this resolves for you in the long run but it must be a huge worry.

Rest assured - you've done absolutely the right thing .
I would have done the same thing .
I really don't understand the attitude of your granddaughter's mother .

I have every sympathy for you in this difficult situation .

25 Avalon.
That was a poor comment. I do not believe you should ever doubt the word of a four year old disclosing sexual abuse. If we as adults were ever not to listen then god help the children who look to us.

Dogsmother please read what I have written. I did not say we should not listen to what the gd said. I said even if a child was making something up which does sometimes happen you should act as if it is true. Always report, always. Pass it on to the responsible trained professionals. Doing nothing is never an option. The slightest whisper of concerning regarding child abuse is a red flag that needs persuing.

Avalon, you said Assuming she was telling the truth. I make no apologies for saying that line upsets me. 4 year old children do not make things of this nature. They would only speak the truth to assume anything is so wrong. I fear for any child who is not listened to.

Avalon, your original post was perfectly in order ! I and no doubt other GNs knew exactly what you meant.

I’m afraid children of that age do make things up dogsmother. My friend’s daughter did and it caused an enormous amount of trouble. Children of four today are not as innocent as we were.

the mother may understandably be conflicted if it involves both her children.
it's a job for the professionals.
OP did well to report it.
such situations are not uncommon, and are often swept under the carpet by families.

Why did the mother not want to do anything, this sounds odd.

I worked in a Child Protection dept for years and most 4 year olds don't make up allegations of this nature.

Well done for reporting it - and I expect Social Services will contact you.

I know some parents don't want this sort of thing reporting, but it needs to be done.

I stand very firmly by what I said. If a 4 year old child disclosed to me there is no way in the world I would consider they might not be telling the truth.
Thank you Diamond Lily for substantiating.

Are you in the UK Distraught Grandma?
Your second post says the alleged perpetrator was 11 years old. In the uk, that age gap would be a red flag, not seen as children having an ‘education exercise’. Is the 11 year old well known, or a family member to your daughter?

In your place, I’d be waiting for and co-operating with the formal investigation, which in this situation will be joint police-social work. Applying for ‘visitation rights’ sounds American and I don’t know enough about that to comment.

I am in UK, and the 11yrs old is my sister's child (biologically male but now identifies as female).

What makes it worse is that my sister asked her child if it happened and they denied it (obviously) and then made out my GD has an imaginative mind!!

Only the specialists will be able to uncover the truth. It may not have even been my sister's child but an adult and my GD used the 11yrs old name as a substitute. Who knows! As long as it's investigated and she is safe.

Re my daughter's reaction, I am gobsmacked and can only think it is shock!

Distraught Gramdma Your original question was partly about visitation rights. I understand why you are thinking about that because you fear losing contact. However I think at the moment you need to keep your focus totally on safeguarding for your granddaughter. Wait and see the outcomes of professional investigations. Those might help you to decide the way forward for you. Ask them for advice as well, as appropriate.

Regarding your daughter she is clearly in shock. It is hard to understand her initial response as a parent but give time, just wait, see what the investigation outcomes are. You will also of course be dealing with fall out with your sister/wider family too. But you have been wise, focused and absolutely done the right thing.

Keep that focus on your little granddaughter

It’s highly unlikely your young grandaughter named her relative in place of an adult

I really hope her mum has second thoughts and takes it seriously. At that age it is most unlikely the little one made up sexual abuse. That 11 year old also needs help.

Thank you once again for all your words of wisdom.