What would YOU do?

jeanie99

I have never been in your situation however I think my response to the lies would be no response.
I have had very painful events in my life over the years and I try to stay positive and move on with my life doing things which make me happy.
No matter what we do there will always be things we have no control over, we have to put them in the little box in our head and close the lid. It is the only way if we want to have a good life.

This is so true jeanie99. There cannot be many people "of a certain age" who have not experienced heartache and trauma over the years. It,s down to change what you can,try to ignore what you can,t and have the wisdom to know the difference!

Yes, I’ve been astonished, over the years, at the complete fantasies some weave online (about all sorts of things) that are later disproved.

I guess that some people like being viewed as victims.

Shame really, as it gets to the point that no one ever knows what’s true or not.😗

I agree with DiamondLily. Another problem is the internet can give space, credibility to people who are telling what they see as their truth. It’s often ‘easier’ to believe a victim narrative. Years ago, sadly, genuine victims were simply dismissed as phantasists. These days the small number of people distorting experiences can be seen as ‘victims’.

I wouldn’t respond at all. I’d let her carry on, don’t read anything of hers, and just carry on.

The problem with the internet is that fantasies can be fuelled.😗

I have never been in your situation however I think my response to the lies would be no response.
I have had very painful events in my life over the years and I try to stay positive and move on with my life doing things which make me happy.
No matter what we do there will always be things we have no control over, we have to put them in the little box in our head and close the lid. It is the only way if we want to have a good life.

A terrible state of affairs sunbar and who knows, maybe she doesn't want to get involved because she fears being estranged too.

Thank you Ladysuisei. Your words are kind and your intentions are good. However, I cannot communicate with her. I am blocked in every way. I tried to text my grandson a happy birthday message last fall and found myself blocked, They live 5 hours south of me in another state. Mail won't work. It gets rejected. So I quit that too. I even tried to send a birthday gift to my grandson via her mother in law, who sent it back because she "doesn't want to be involved"

@March

You’d draw a line in the sand and go for a fresh start because you are a kind compassionate lady . So many people just want to point score ie my son and these grudges just go on and on . I’m a big believer in forgiveness too but only if the person I was forgiving could be trusted . I think because of your other posts , you’ve shown you are trustworthy.
Gosh why can’t you have a word with my DIL - she could do with it

What would I do?
This is a tough one because what she wrote is her truth and what you've wrote is your truth.

Id drawn a line in the sand with my daughter, apologize and start a fresh. If she wanted it. I wouldn't even mention her children/my grandchildren.
They are a wonderful bonus but id want to fix my relationship with my own child before anything else.

So what would you do if one of your children were posting horrible untrue stories about you on a blog on the Internet?

I would ignore. Move along, be happy.

Everyone has their version of truth - 2 sides to every story exist.

I agree with Smileless. She speaks from experience and with good sense.

Hopefully your grandsons will remember their 'fun grandmother' sunbar and one day you'll see them again.

What she wrote could be her truth, how she sees things

You are both entitled to your own understanding and your own personal interpretation of the same events.

I just want to say thank you to everyone who responded here. Appreciate hearing from all of you. And by the way I had one therapy appointment and all they really wanted to do is show me how to breathe so I can cope with this mess. Coolgran65, Whiff, Smileless2022, misery does love company. So sorry to hear what a nasty epidemic this is! My grandsons are teenagers and I'm hoping someday they will remember who I am (My daughter used to call me "the fun grandmother". I wonder what happened? ) and will come see me to get answers.

Sunbar,First of all stop looking at her blogs and posts. She has her mind made up and is justifying her actions. She estranged and hardly going to put you in a good light. She has here own agenda.
Would not have challenged her just leave her to it.Those that care about you won't be influenced and it is her twisted view.
Definitely would not go to a counsellor, 💐Xxx

I wouldn't justify the existence of her horrible stories with a response sunbar. I realise of course that that is easier said than done, but the only way 'to win the game' so to speak is to stop playing.

As an estranged parent, I certainly don't think there is any need whatsoever for you to book yourself into therapy to "ensure" your recollections of her childhood and your relationship with your D aren't the wrong ones.

You are not alone as Whiff has illustrated, to have lies told in order to justify your child's estrangement of you. She is right when she says that there's no point in trying to fight back, because they don't care and it will be you who gets hurt.

You know the truth and that is what you must keep a hold of. As far as we are aware, horrible stories about us have not been posted on social media, but have been spread verbally but with time, we were able to see that they were to justify the unjustifiable and I hope that you'll be able to see hers in the same way .

I'm so sorry Coolgran that you are struggling with the relationship with your adult daughter .

This time of year makes estrangement and the fear of being estranged so much harder, but know that you are not alone.

My daughter in law did that to me on Reddit for over a year before I moved to live in the same county as my son and daughter. The worst thing was people believed her and they posted horrible things about me. But the worst thing she wrote was FIL died to get away from MIL. Any love I had for her died. She never knew my husband. And I thought how wicked to write such a thing about her husbands dad.

My husband died in agony from cancer aged 47 nearly 20 years ago.
As much as it hurt there would have been no point in me challenging her . So I took the moral high ground and ignore it.

If you try and fight back against the lies they write about us . They only person who gets hurt is you. They don't care.

But one day when my grandsons are older they will tell them they where crap parents. And if my grandson wants to find me they will. They are all below 10 but the years go by quickly.

Also I wonder what the people would think if they knew all the things she wrote about me was about a woman that was born physically disabled.

I'd wonder why her perceptions of our relationship were so different to mine and book myself into therapy to ensure mine weren't the ones that were wrong

This is so awful and I just don't know what you can do.
I am hanging on by the skin of my teeth trying to keep going what strained contact I have with adult daughter.
I so feel for you.