Is “ No Contact “ abuse ?

Ladysuisei

@Gwillyt

Oh meant to add i been told already and for many months now that I’ll have no relationship with my grandson, despite there being absolutely no good reason for their decision. I feel very sad and disappointed in my son actually.

(((hug)))) to you, because you must be devastated... and with no closure either.. no explanation for his decision... I'm sorry this has happened to you...

if your son is rude, insulting and cruel to you, maybe it would be better for you to go low contact with him.
you can't make someone like or respect you.
if you don't get on, or there is a clash of personalities, perhaps just getting on with your own life is best.

User138562

I think no contact can be hurtful and underserved. It can be unfair.

If the "no contact" is used as leverage to get something (think silent treatment), that could be abusive. I also wouldn't consider that no contact.

True no contact, ending the relationship completely, is not abusive. No adult is required to have a relationship with someone if they don't want to. Familial relation doesn't change someone right to choose who is in their life.

You could stop talking to your cousin because they don't like cilantro and that would be your right and absolutely not an abusive action. Even though it's unfair and hurtful.

It sucks to have to live with the consequences of their decision but that doesn't make their actions abusive.

Repeatedly violating their no contact wishes would be though.

I couldn’t word this better. Estrangement can be painful and hurtful but no it’s not abusive. You aren’t owed a relationship with someone because of a blood relationship , or any other reason. Adults are allowed to decide for themselves, and parents for their children whom they wish to have a relationship with. Things can be hurtful to someone and not abusive. However continuing to push back on and break down someone. Who has gone to no contact , could be abusive. And it could definitely land on in trouble with the law. My husband and myself, and our children were nc with my hateful in-laws for decades. It was by far the best choice we ever made.

I think no contact can be hurtful and underserved. It can be unfair.

If the "no contact" is used as leverage to get something (think silent treatment), that could be abusive. I also wouldn't consider that no contact.

True no contact, ending the relationship completely, is not abusive. No adult is required to have a relationship with someone if they don't want to. Familial relation doesn't change someone right to choose who is in their life.

You could stop talking to your cousin because they don't like cilantro and that would be your right and absolutely not an abusive action. Even though it's unfair and hurtful.

It sucks to have to live with the consequences of their decision but that doesn't make their actions abusive.

Repeatedly violating their no contact wishes would be though.

@Gwillyt

Oh meant to add i been told already and for many months now that I’ll have no relationship with my grandson, despite there being absolutely no good reason for their decision. I feel very sad and disappointed in my son actually.

@Gwyllt

Yes that’s interesting. My son and I are possibly heading towards NC , something I really do not want of course. It’s a long and complicated tale . My DIL and her mother have been particularly influential in this and given my DIL is expecting her 1st child ( my only grandchild) it’s been extremely fraught . This has been made much worse because it’s coincided with the sudden unexpected death of my 59 year old partner . So add grief into the mix and it’s horrific. My son has been extremely cruel to me . His actions and foul language, lies and other emotional abuse have led me to the speculation as to whether he might have narcissistic personality disorder. He is now 31 so if the age where he’d get a proper diagnosis and some treatment. He’s as bad as my DiL behaviour- wise so I can’t simply shift the blame to her , even though I realise her behaviour has been far from kind .

Absolutely
Look up Narcissist and all their other attributes
Frequently do not come over as the big I am
Possibly think covert narcissist

I’ll go first . I believe that “no contact “ can be viewed as abuse . My reasoning for this is that it’s an action imposed upon someone, normally unexpected, without explanation. Surely this is an act of intentional Emotional cruelty which in my opinion is abuse . I’m not disputing the reason why anyone chooses to opt for No Contact - there could be very good and valid reasons for this . Situations of severe abuse for example. No Contact which I consider abuse would be where a person literally chucks someone away ( often a perfectly loving and good well intentioned parent) . Cases of no contact which are definitely abuse imo would be where the person does this by text , email or even worse ghosting . These scenarios are abuse because you are just leaving someone high and dry with no proper explanation which often then leads to terrible consequences for the poor estranged person wondering what in earth they failed at . Also , the whole fabric of your life and expectations are shattered if you don’t at least have that conversation. To ghost someone really is cowardly and definitely a form of abuse . Does anyone agree with me !