Ladysuisei
@madgran well I can’t see how life will ever resolve itself if an apology is not accepted. This is what worries me . I’ve spoken with so many people about what’s caused this and their opinion is that my son should be adult enough now to start letting it go .
His wife is apparently “ traumatised “ by the incident. I can’t confirm or deny this because in the grand scheme of my life , I have experienced many things which have traumatised me but I have recovered from them . It is my belief that she might be choosing to say she is traumatised as a way to justify not seeing me . At the time of this bad conversation, emotions were running very high for all of us . I felt trauma too . The way I think about life is that once things are resolved then gradually life returns to normal. So , the bad conversation at the time she was having a threatened miscarriage was resolved by the fact that wonderfully the baby turned out to be healthy , survived and is due in March . To me , this part of the incident would override any words which were said causing hurt if that makes sense . I cannot understand how my DIL is traumatised considering the fact that everything turned out to be fine . Am I missing something here ? I would be so grateful for a healthy baby that I would have long forgotten a poor conversation. This would be so trivial when compared to the wonderful outcome . Maybe things will change when the child is here , who knows but I feel it’s unreasonable to play on the fact you were once traumatised by something which has turned out to be wonderful. I would be thanking God for my baby and that’s it . So this lengthy explanation possibly means they are simply choosing not to accept my apology. In any case , since August we all had some good times and this conversation only reared it’s ugly head around a month ago - it’s an excuse not a reason.
I really don’t like being on the receiving end of cruelty and verbal abuse but for personal family reasons I’ve promised my dad we will give my son a proper chance to prove whether or not he carries through his threat to not allow me access to my grandson . If this turns out to be the case then my dad will be making some decisions and I will stop contact . I won’t allow my son to treat me like dirt indefinitely. xx
So while it is wonderful the pregnancy was able to continue but no - the trauma of fearing one would lose it and perhaps of whatever she felt your attitude and actions were at the time are not simply erased because it worked out well. That simply isn’t the way trauma and feelings work - at least not for many people. She’s likely still anxious for baby’s safety and may even be more cautious once baby is here - she’s felt what it felt
Like to think she was losing the baby. And in that most hurtful vulnerable scared position - you were the person who attempted to make this your experience , your loss, your potential tragedy. This is likely I to take some time to recover from, and while that may not have been your intent it was hurtful - even though the pregnancy was able to continue.
In a somewhat similar situation, my youngest grandchild was born with a heart defect that requires
Urgent open chest surgery as a newborn. It was terrifying for all
Of us but of course none like my daughter and son in law - that was their much loved and wanted baby. Now thank the Lord baby did remarkably well And has thrived . And all
Are incredibly grateful. However
Son in laws sister did much as you did - why wasn’t she called , why hasn’t she been allowed to visit in the neonatal intensive care, - me , me , me. The baby surviving the surgery didn’t take away the hurt and anger this caused in my daughter and son in law. And it simply has taken much time to forgive - even still two years later their relationship, while better is still tainted by the memory of how she behaved. This may be a case of simply needing time to heal from those wounds. So stop pouring salt in them now. Hopefully will time those hurts will heal, but no baby turning out fine doesn’t simply erase the hurt
worth it ?