Adult children estrangement

Oh my god @kradinsky this is exactly it. I've seen one and want to make an offer on it, and when i tried to tell the girls about it i was met with being told i was being selfish and manipulative and threatening to rip the roof off their heads

It's not selfish at all.
None of your children are babies, they are grown, intelligent people, and don't need to be pandered to.

This sounds a bit selfish, but I'm so tired now.

Don't worry about posting wherever you see fit, and if it's a double post, well, most people have done it, and the sky didn't fall in.

If this was my life, I’d be tempted to sell up and buy myself a lovely little cottage by the sea, live the rest of my life in peace.
Your children are all old enough to sort themselves out, &’when they’ve decided to grow up & stop arguing amongst themselves, they can visit you for a lovely lunch in your cottage garden. Maybe even get the scrabble out.

So, you need a plan on how to tackle this.

Would you like them all to move out, or would you like your son with you again?

Which there is nothing wrong with, if he supports you a bit with help you might need.

Sorry my bad on navigating the forums. I'm new here and wasn't in a good place last night when d2 decided she didn't want to attend the counselling session i'd arranged for us on Monday

That was the whole point of helping them to get a good education, learning to drive, to move forward

@misadventure thank you, Ideally i want all of my children to be successful, living their own lives to the fullest on their own teo feet, being self sufficient, and i want to help guide them where they need help, and watch them grow. Not have them be relient on me. Im getting older now and i want to be able to live my life for me now, while I'm still healthy enough to.

🙄

Sinbadl700 the question was raised because you posted the same thing on Ask a Gran ..

It doesn't seem odd to me; it is a situation that has built up gradually, and is now difficult to deal with.

What would you ideally like to happen, Sinbad?

Thanks @nannyjan53 and @germanshepherdsmum. Please can you tell me your view on why it doesnt seem true, because it might give me a new or different perspective on the situation. It is real, I'm living this life right now. Its not right, and noone is happy and I'm genuinely reaching out to try and get some way of making it better and you might help me with your view on it.

Cossy

IMO you’re being coerced by your two daughters! Why have they come home? Where were they living before and where is your son living now?

To be frank I’d send your daughters packing! How dare they tell you what to do in your own house! Good luck!

They obviously take after their father!

Thank you @shelflife, i have tried to call a family meeting, and we have had family discussions before but they havent been successful. I get that i need to be stronger and lay down some boundaries and so I'll try again

I don't think this rings true either!

*Germanshepherdsmum

Am I the only one who doesn’t believe this is true?*

It does seem most odd!

Am I the only one who doesn’t believe this is true?

Please do it then. This situation is very complex and we are in no position to assess what is happening. However clearly the situation now is not working, so have a family meeting and get to the bottom of why this is happening. Failing that just remember it is your house !! Of course you don't want to lose your daughters, but it seems relationships are almost at the point of no return now! Weigh up what you want and make it happen.

IMO you’re being coerced by your two daughters! Why have they come home? Where were they living before and where is your son living now?

To be frank I’d send your daughters packing! How dare they tell you what to do in your own house! Good luck!

If I wasin your position I would step back and let them sort this out between themselves.. 3 children often have difficulies between themselves.. I would also downsize to a smaller home..you cannot be dictated to about your partner's dog.. it is your home.. You are all adults and should respect each other and live independently.. Give them a deposit towards a flat if they are struggling financially and then let them get on with it.. You should be enjoying your life now.. if you create appropriate boundaries I think all the relationships stand a chance of improving..

They keep telling me that I'm trying to fit the narrative towards what i want without thinking about how they feel. But on a daily basis they get up whent they want, eat what they want, live how they want to. There's always food in the fridge and a shopping list for me ready for when things run out.
I keep out of their way so they get to watch what they want. I'll spend my evenings in the office or in my bedroom so avoid any confrontation.
But the moment i get a bit of confidence to try and discuss anything, like tell them about what i want to do to move forward I'm told I'm being mean, or passive aggressive or rude or manipulative. I honestly dont think i am being, they use really clever words to explain their view and most of the time i walk away with my head spinning around what just happened. It always results in me feeling like I've been in a boxing ring with a heavyweight.

There is absolutely nothing in any posts that i ve read to suggest the boy has been behaving badly towards the girls Mamaspersepective Where does it say that ?

But theyve now declined the counselling so i can't see any other way to resolve this the balls in your court Sinbad give the girls a months notice. if you want to be seen to be fair let them ALL live outside the family home they are all old enough to be independent

He's also tried to open a communication with d2 but she wont respond to him.

@mamasperspective, totally understand this and I've been trying to get some counselling, and I've tried to keep them all separated until we can come to a solution. But theyve now declined the counselling so i can't see any other way to resolve this.