Estranged daughter and my will

Smileless2012

Yes that is sad DL

Yes, the only “formal” estrangement I’ve ever done (if that’s the word) was my ex MIL. I told her my reasons, walked away and never looked back. But I wasn't angry or bitter.

I felt as if a weight had been lifted, that was it.

The same as I felt when I left my first marriage really. I never carried any bitterness with me. Life was better.

“C’est la vie”, as they say.

It must be difficult when you can’t, for whatever reason, let the past go.

Thats not healing.

No you were right Namsnanny which was why I asked User what she meant. I thought when I read it that she meant EP's here remind her of the mother she estranged, and I find comments like rather annoying TBH.

If someone's got something to say I prefer them to do so with out posting one liners in the hope that those reading will know what they mean, so they can try and avoid actually coming out with it.

Oh and Thank you for doing so, in the end

User138562

I mean that the behavior of estranged parents in this forum resembles the behavior of the mother I estranged.

I don't know why anyone would assume some nefarious meaning but there you have it.

I dont know why anyone would assume some nefarious meaning ...

Probably because you didnt explain your self
User138562

Yes that is sad DL

I'm glad I wasn't alone in finding the post peculiar or odd.
Maybe I was a bit over cautious, but as we didnt hear back from the poster to explain themselves, it played on my mind.

I used to find it strange GSM but I've got used to it here on GN.

EP's in general do seem to be able to differentiate between the AC who estranged them and any EAC posting here, not judging them by their own experience. Not assuming or suggesting that they are being less than honest when they talk about the parents or p's.i.l. they estranged because it makes them feel uncomfortable or challenged to accept that of course, for some estrangement was the only course of action open to them.

I don't know why it appears to be difficult or even impossible for some EAC to not judge the EP's who post here based on their own experiences, likening them to their own parents or p's.i.l.

I think that's why these threads often become unpleasant and difficult which is a shame for those who simply want to share their experiences, opinions and explanations for decisions they have taken.

I think, despite their posts to the contrary, many of those who estrange their parents, even if it’s for valid reasons, seem to hang onto the bitterness and anger they feel.

Estranging those you feel are harmful, should bring peace and happiness, but it doesn’t seem to a lot of the time.

Sad really.

What I find strange are the attitudes of those who have estranged their parents, as shown on this forum, rather than the other way around.

Most peculiar.

Which is what most of us were saying - every family is different, and we make our inheritance choices based on our own family.

To try and assess someone real life, over the net, is a bit odd.😗

How on earth can you possibly assess the behaviour of people by reading a few sentences on a forum?

Does that show you how people bought up their children, the family dynamics, the issues and challenges, the love, the arguments, the siblings, and in laws, and the family as a whole?

I'll give you a clue; you can't.

All you can do is assess your own family.

Ok, well I’ve never been estranged, or anywhere near it, with my ACs, so perhaps they take a different view to you.😉

My arguments were with my step kids, and their overweening selfishness and sense of entitlement. 🙄

I mean that the behavior of estranged parents in this forum resembles the behavior of the mother I estranged.

I don't know why anyone would assume some nefarious meaning but there you have it.

User138562

The resemblance is uncanny.

Can you clarify this please

User138562

The resemblance is uncanny.

I've been worrying about this post.
Are they saying the resemblance to something said or someone on here is similar to an experience in RL?
In other words do they think they know a poster?
I'm sure it isnt aimed at me, but I find it an uncomfortable thought that someone is being targeted.
I do hope not.

User138562

The resemblance is uncanny.

Pardon?

Resemblance to what or whom?

If you think I’m double posting, then please feel free to check out my history with Gransnet…

Jeez lol 🙄

The resemblance to what is uncanny User?

The resemblance is uncanny.

Maybe their parents sitting weeping daily is what some EAC want to think of their EP's doing DL.

Smileless2012

Whose wanting to have the last word and holding on "to all those big feelings till the final moment of life"? Whose seeking revenge?

I know the best revenge is happiness because against all the odds we are happy. You seem to want to think that all EP's live out their lives in perpetual misery and sadness. We don't. You can see from the support thread that lives have been rebuilt and that peace and happiness has been found.

I see no nastiness toward you VS just honest responses to what you post.

Yes, it is odd that some children who have estranged seem to be under some sort of false impression that their estranged parents are sitting weeping daily!

My step kids hurt and upset my DH, and infuriated me in the process. But, we had a lovely life - full of love and laughter. We didn’t give them that much headspace.

Yes, my DH did get the “last word” in, by cutting them out of his Will. Good for him.👍

So, now they’ve cut me off - I don’t know if they thought it would hurt me after losing DH, but, if they did, they’re on a hiding to nothing. I see them out of my life as a bonus lol

I think some of the internet adds to the fray, to be honest. 40 years ago, you either found a way to jog along with “awkward” relatives, or, as a very last resort, cut off contact. That was it. You then got on with life.

Now, some younger people seem to get more involved with the growing (and lucrative) industry of various forms of psychobabble and victimhood.

Not healthy really. The quickest way to heal from anything is by being happy with your life.🙂.

It can take more strength to bite your tongue Rosie and to have done so out of love for your f.i.l., to spare him the backlash when you'd left is commendable.

The cruel responses say more about those make them then I think they realise.

I agree Smileless there is no one size fits all. My FIL was a weak man and the kindest, healthiest way to respond to that situation was to do lots of tongue biting on those occasions we were "permitted" to see him. We'd not have wanted him to suffer afterwards if we'd ever responded in kind to my step MIL. Some would think us equally weak but it took a lot of strength to ignore the barbs and accusations, we did it and accepted the very limited contact out of love for my FIL
Some of the responses to you have been downright cruel.

You have nothing to be ashamed of Mogsmaw. It's not an easy thing to talk about and is made all the harder when you do, and there are attempts to assign the worse of motivations for the decisions you have to make because what someone else has done.

It was exactly the same when there was a discussion about leaving memory boxes to GC we're also estranged from. Disagree by all means, but do so politely and acknowledge that you can't possibly understand what those who've been estranged are going through, rather than coming across as a mind reader who knows more about the EP's true motivation, than the EP whose posting.

Being kind begins with how one responds to others Rosie and as for healthy ways forward, they will be different for different people. I see nothing kind or healthy in some of the responses on this thread, quite the opposite.

Unfortunately VS seems to think she is an expert on estrangement, being "kind', and "healthy ways forward" whatever that is. I feel for all parents who have been estranged by their children, and all children who have been estranged by their parents. My husband's father was estranged from us by his second stepmother who had "issues". We did our best to maintain a relationship but boy was it hard work!!!

There was a point where my eldest child had caused so much pain I thought if my husband died first (most unlikely given our health issues) I'd disinherit him, but I've grown up (even as an old person) and discarded that idea. The point is inheritance is a gift not an obligation. Any estranged child who thought they were "entitled" to receive a legacy from a parent is a self-obsessed entitled brat who deserves nothing. Hwe many "gifts" did said child send to their estranged parent....... the reciprical number denotes their entitlement to benefit from any will.