Estranged daughter and my will

Be aware that your final message, to your daughter, will be that you didn't love her unconditionally, you prefer to show favouritism.

I would reflect deeply about this before making any changes.. making changes will affect you as well.. can you live with that?

I would think very carefully too before doing anything.
Are your daughters close? After you’re gone, such a situation as you might cause, could well affect the rest of their lives.

Although estranged she is still your daughter and you must have felt/feel love for her. It can also be awkward for your younger daughter. I know from experience that cutting someone out of your will can cause problems for those who are still in it.

I was estranged from my mother for several years. When she was in a wheelchair and had dementia I stepped up for the next 5 years of her life. My elder brother and sister
Did nothing to help.
Thank goodness she had not changed her will as with dementia it probably wouldn't have been possible later.

I suggest that, if you are able to, you do what you can now to help your younger daughter financially etc. Then your will can share everything equally between your daughters (you could give something to your grandchildren, too) so that there's no need for argument.

You could tell your younger daughter, in confidence, why you're doing this.

My grandparents left their house to my mum because she looked after them. My mum's elder brother, always the "blue-eyed boy", got the contents. He was very miffed about this for years, although they eventually made up.

It’s difficult - if she’s estranged herself for 4 years, for whatever reasons, she may want nothing from you anyway. I can’t imagine why anyone would want anything from someone they didn’t want to know in life.

But, altering wills can cause issues for those left behind.

I would help the younger daughter now, as previous posters suggested, and see what happens over the next few years.

If nothing changes, I would change my will.

There's no reason you can't leave the daughters an equal share (for example 1/3 each) and split the other 1/3 between the 2 grandchildren. That way younger daughters family sees more benefit but you're treating both daughters the same. My parents had money set aside in their will for grandchildren and I didn't begrudge my niece and nephew (since then things have changed as I now have 2 children of my own) but my grandparents have money set aside for the grandkids.

Your estranged daughter may have in-laws with property but you have no idea what the future may hold, it's a paltry excuse to disinherit.
Help your younger daughter now if needs be, but to disinherit one in favour of the other is vindictive.

No question, I'd leave it to your youngest .

I don't agree that not leaving your D anything in your will is saying you didn't love her unconditionally. Gifts in wills are simply that, gifts. Does one usually expect to receive a gift from someone they are no longer in contact with?

It is as DL has posted difficult and can create issues for those left behind, especially if your D's are in contact with one another. If you do decide to do this, I would suggest that you tell your D what you've decided and include with your will a letter to your estranged D explaining your decision.

The letter can assure her that your love for her remained despite her decision to estrange you.

I have seen posts here on GN from EAC who've said they wouldn't want the parents they estranged to have them as beneficiaries.

Estranged for more than 11 years, our youngest son has not been included in our wills. It was not a decision we took lightly and we are satisfied that for us, it's the right one.

OldFrill

Your estranged daughter may have in-laws with property but you have no idea what the future may hold, it's a paltry excuse to disinherit.
Help your younger daughter now if needs be, but to disinherit one in favour of the other is vindictive.

I think it’s more about the estrangement. If you don’t want to know someone, in life, you surely can’t want their money after death.

That would be hypocrisy..

My present will splits three ways between both daughters and grandchildren. I take on board the above comments which is why I’m torn. Elder daughter will benefit from the in-laws whereas younger daughter has had to walk away from her marriage and has nothing.

Every estrangement is different. We know nothing about why this daughter chose to estrange herself. Four years is relatively short and she may respond if her more her continues to reach out at birthdays, other occasions. Or she may see that as harassing her, the lack of response does suggest that certainly for now she wants no contact.
Are your daughters estranged? Is your olde daughter in touch with other family members or cut herself off completely..
If this is the situation and nothing changes then I see no reason why you shouldn’t change your will. Do get a solicitor to help you do a brief letter attached to your will setting our the length of estrangement and reason for no inheritance

You could do as much as possible to help the daughter who is having a rough time.

If you were to then split the remaining estate into 3 and leave one third each to your daughters and the remaining third to be divided between your grandchildren that may solve a problem.

Being left the "contents of a house" is not necessarily second best. My grandmother left me the contents of her house and it was stuffed with antiques. The rest of my family had no idea of the value. She also gave me her jewellery shortly before she died and some of it was quite valuable. Because it was a personal gift it was not included in the estate and I told no one I had it. It would have come to me anyway.

OldFrill vindictive seriously. Everything went to my younger sister. We don't know why but it was my mother's money to do with what she wanted. Her money - her choice. Yes I was a little disappointed but it didnt upset me or spoil my relationship with my siblings. I've never understood why some people feel entitled to receive anything.

Your elder daughter may have in laws now but who knows what will happen to her marriage or if the in laws dont leave money to their son.

I would treat them the same, you had a relationship up until 4 years ago and it may cause bad feelings between your daughters after you have gone.

southwestgran

My present will splits three ways between both daughters and grandchildren. I take on board the above comments which is why I’m torn. Elder daughter will benefit from the in-laws whereas younger daughter has had to walk away from her marriage and has nothing.

That sounds sensible. Your wishes should reflect on who is in your life. I wouldn’t get involved with anything else. Your older daughter, if she’s stays estranged, probably wouldn’t want anything anyway.

I've never understood why some people feel entitled to receive anything neither have I Marthjolly. Inheritance is a gift, not a right.

Personally, much as it might pain you, I would not change my will. The fallout from this after your death might be horrific

Oh no no no treat them the same in your will even though she has estranged herself she is still your daughter Definitely split it three way, her, her sister, and the grandchildren or give the younger daughter who is struggling something along the way which no one needs to know about

Theexwife

Your elder daughter may have in laws now but who knows what will happen to her marriage or if the in laws dont leave money to their son.

I would treat them the same, you had a relationship up until 4 years ago and it may cause bad feelings between your daughters after you have gone.

Absolutely, one cannot assume anything, as others keep saying inheritance is a gift not an entitlement. In these days of longevity and high care home costs many people end up with nothing to leave!

While it’s your funds to do as you will with , and no or is entitled thing. I’d think long and hard on it. It’s possible estranged daughter may not want it in the first place, when my in-laws passed my dh , who had been estranged for decades actually declined any inheritance . But having said all that , there are two things to consider - you will is the last impression you’ll make , and also , what would be more important to myself , what mess are you leaving for your other daughter to clean up ? As a fight over inheritance could well fall to her lap after you’ve gone.

There could just as easily be a fall out if an EAC is a beneficiary, from those resenting their inclusion despite having nothing to do with the deceased.

None of us have a crystal ball, none of us know what will happen so the decision can only be made based on what any EP believes is the right one for them.