Estranged daughter and my will

Whiff

If my son did decide he wanted me back in their lives my will won't change. As I will never forgive him or ever trust him again.

Then you should say no to that relationship instead of continuing a false one.. that's just not right

If my son did decide he wanted me back in their lives my will won't change. As I will never forgive him or ever trust him again.

When my son was naughty as a child there where consequences. This estranged he has chosen . He did it cruelly and cowardly via email and follow up letter. Last time I saw my 2 grandson's by him they where 4 and 2. They are now 7 and 5 they have a 3 year old brother who I do not know his name or exact date of birth . At the time my son estranged me he knew there was a problem with my heart and waiting for tests. Since May 2020 I have contacted him 3 times . Twice because I had to and the last time last year as I had decided if I got silence like the second one or abuse I am done . I will not allow him to hurt me anymore . September 2020 after much thinking I cut him out my will. Had to get a letter from my GP stating my hereditary neurological condition is physical not mental also my solicitor got me to write a letter explaining why I cut my son out. Plus she wanted me to write about my son and my husband and after my husband died and what I did looking after my parents and mother in law. Then about my relationship with my son and daughter in law and 2 grandson's. Took me all weekend with may tears and ended up writing 13 pages of A4. My solicitor cried when she read it. At the same time I took out both powers of attorney and my daughter and son in law are my attorneys .
The letter from my GP and my letter wouldn't see the light of day unless my son finds out when I die and contests my will.

I didn't know but anyone who thinks they have a claim can contest a will up to 2 years after you die.

I love my son very much but the son who was caring and loving for 32 years not ideal who he is now . My love for my grandsons even the one I don't know will never waver.

My husband and I believe children inherit from parents . So left nothing to any of my 5 grandson's.

I genuinely feel that no estrangements happen for absolutely no reason. Maybe sometimes for reasons the other party doesn't agree with but not for no reason.

My brother has little to do with our parents but makes just enough effort to stay in the will. Occasional visits, occasional calls, always "forgetting" special occasions but forgiven. That's not a good look either really.

It's really sad when relationships never stop being a balance of some sort of power/authority when everyone involved are actually adults.

I don't want to be left anything but if I am, I will do something good with it and move on

I couldn’t favour a child who had chosen to estrange me for no good reason. I’m afraid my disappointment would speak in my will - they would receive nothing.

DiamondLily

I, and my ex, estranged his mother/my MIL over 40 years ago. When she died, neither of us wanted anything, and declined it all. I didn’t want to know her in life, I certainly didn’t in death, and neither did my ex (her son).

Nor me. I don’t get taking the inheritance from someone you’d cut off in life. I’m not that much of a hypocrite. 🙄

* seems I agree with you the ex-wife.

Tricky. I don’t envy anyone deciding what to do under these circumstances.

“And to my eldest daughter I leave the sum of £50. It was to have been £50k but we fell out years ago and our relationship ended”.

Emotions and feelings come into play here. This is your beloved daughter who you loved (maybe still love), took to school, nursed when sick. Not an in-law. Your daughter.

I couldn’t do it (cut her out). Whether or not she would choose to decline it further down the line would be up to her. I would never know. The only thing I would do is let her younger sister know they are equals in the Will. And in the meantime help the younger out as much as you are able.

You mention your estranged daughter is part of a well off family. That really is none of your business. She and her husband might divorce. You shouldn’t use what would be her inheritance to ‘level up’ for your younger girl.

That's been the case for others who have estranged too, and it makes sense to me DL. I wouldn't dream of inheriting anything from someone I'd decided I didn't want anything to do with.

I, and my ex, estranged his mother/my MIL over 40 years ago. When she died, neither of us wanted anything, and declined it all. I didn’t want to know her in life, I certainly didn’t in death, and neither did my ex (her son).

Norah

BlueBelle

Oh no no no treat them the same in your will even though she has estranged herself she is still your daughter Definitely split it three way, her, her sister, and the grandchildren or give the younger daughter who is struggling something along the way which no one needs to know about

I agree.

Given we've not received legacies and we give to our children whilst alive - that works best imo, and is my basis. Overall I agree with a 1/3 x 3 division and helping one along now. You really have no idea to the money at death of any of your children's partners-in-law, not to be counted upon in your assumptions.

I do think leaving out a loved child, playing favourites as it were, sends a bad message from the grave - not my way of dealing, it's only money.

good advice Norah and Bluebelle

BlueBelle

Oh no no no treat them the same in your will even though she has estranged herself she is still your daughter Definitely split it three way, her, her sister, and the grandchildren or give the younger daughter who is struggling something along the way which no one needs to know about

I agree.

Given we've not received legacies and we give to our children whilst alive - that works best imo, and is my basis. Overall I agree with a 1/3 x 3 division and helping one along now. You really have no idea to the money at death of any of your children's partners-in-law, not to be counted upon in your assumptions.

I do think leaving out a loved child, playing favourites as it were, sends a bad message from the grave - not my way of dealing, it's only money.

I would continue to treat my children equally in this situation

But thoughts about wills seems like the end of this estrangement journey...

Are there no other steps to be tried?

There could just as easily be a fall out if an EAC is a beneficiary, from those resenting their inclusion despite having nothing to do with the deceased.

None of us have a crystal ball, none of us know what will happen so the decision can only be made based on what any EP believes is the right one for them.

While it’s your funds to do as you will with , and no or is entitled thing. I’d think long and hard on it. It’s possible estranged daughter may not want it in the first place, when my in-laws passed my dh , who had been estranged for decades actually declined any inheritance . But having said all that , there are two things to consider - you will is the last impression you’ll make , and also , what would be more important to myself , what mess are you leaving for your other daughter to clean up ? As a fight over inheritance could well fall to her lap after you’ve gone.

Theexwife

Your elder daughter may have in laws now but who knows what will happen to her marriage or if the in laws dont leave money to their son.

I would treat them the same, you had a relationship up until 4 years ago and it may cause bad feelings between your daughters after you have gone.

Absolutely, one cannot assume anything, as others keep saying inheritance is a gift not an entitlement. In these days of longevity and high care home costs many people end up with nothing to leave!

Oh no no no treat them the same in your will even though she has estranged herself she is still your daughter Definitely split it three way, her, her sister, and the grandchildren or give the younger daughter who is struggling something along the way which no one needs to know about

Personally, much as it might pain you, I would not change my will. The fallout from this after your death might be horrific

I've never understood why some people feel entitled to receive anything neither have I Marthjolly. Inheritance is a gift, not a right.

southwestgran

My present will splits three ways between both daughters and grandchildren. I take on board the above comments which is why I’m torn. Elder daughter will benefit from the in-laws whereas younger daughter has had to walk away from her marriage and has nothing.

That sounds sensible. Your wishes should reflect on who is in your life. I wouldn’t get involved with anything else. Your older daughter, if she’s stays estranged, probably wouldn’t want anything anyway.

Your elder daughter may have in laws now but who knows what will happen to her marriage or if the in laws dont leave money to their son.

I would treat them the same, you had a relationship up until 4 years ago and it may cause bad feelings between your daughters after you have gone.

OldFrill vindictive seriously. Everything went to my younger sister. We don't know why but it was my mother's money to do with what she wanted. Her money - her choice. Yes I was a little disappointed but it didnt upset me or spoil my relationship with my siblings. I've never understood why some people feel entitled to receive anything.

You could do as much as possible to help the daughter who is having a rough time.

If you were to then split the remaining estate into 3 and leave one third each to your daughters and the remaining third to be divided between your grandchildren that may solve a problem.

Being left the "contents of a house" is not necessarily second best. My grandmother left me the contents of her house and it was stuffed with antiques. The rest of my family had no idea of the value. She also gave me her jewellery shortly before she died and some of it was quite valuable. Because it was a personal gift it was not included in the estate and I told no one I had it. It would have come to me anyway.

Every estrangement is different. We know nothing about why this daughter chose to estrange herself. Four years is relatively short and she may respond if her more her continues to reach out at birthdays, other occasions. Or she may see that as harassing her, the lack of response does suggest that certainly for now she wants no contact.
Are your daughters estranged? Is your olde daughter in touch with other family members or cut herself off completely..
If this is the situation and nothing changes then I see no reason why you shouldn’t change your will. Do get a solicitor to help you do a brief letter attached to your will setting our the length of estrangement and reason for no inheritance

My present will splits three ways between both daughters and grandchildren. I take on board the above comments which is why I’m torn. Elder daughter will benefit from the in-laws whereas younger daughter has had to walk away from her marriage and has nothing.