Estranged daughter and my will

OldFrill

Your estranged daughter may have in-laws with property but you have no idea what the future may hold, it's a paltry excuse to disinherit.
Help your younger daughter now if needs be, but to disinherit one in favour of the other is vindictive.

I think it’s more about the estrangement. If you don’t want to know someone, in life, you surely can’t want their money after death.

That would be hypocrisy..

I don't agree that not leaving your D anything in your will is saying you didn't love her unconditionally. Gifts in wills are simply that, gifts. Does one usually expect to receive a gift from someone they are no longer in contact with?

It is as DL has posted difficult and can create issues for those left behind, especially if your D's are in contact with one another. If you do decide to do this, I would suggest that you tell your D what you've decided and include with your will a letter to your estranged D explaining your decision.

The letter can assure her that your love for her remained despite her decision to estrange you.

I have seen posts here on GN from EAC who've said they wouldn't want the parents they estranged to have them as beneficiaries.

Estranged for more than 11 years, our youngest son has not been included in our wills. It was not a decision we took lightly and we are satisfied that for us, it's the right one.

No question, I'd leave it to your youngest .

Your estranged daughter may have in-laws with property but you have no idea what the future may hold, it's a paltry excuse to disinherit.
Help your younger daughter now if needs be, but to disinherit one in favour of the other is vindictive.

There's no reason you can't leave the daughters an equal share (for example 1/3 each) and split the other 1/3 between the 2 grandchildren. That way younger daughters family sees more benefit but you're treating both daughters the same. My parents had money set aside in their will for grandchildren and I didn't begrudge my niece and nephew (since then things have changed as I now have 2 children of my own) but my grandparents have money set aside for the grandkids.

It’s difficult - if she’s estranged herself for 4 years, for whatever reasons, she may want nothing from you anyway. I can’t imagine why anyone would want anything from someone they didn’t want to know in life.

But, altering wills can cause issues for those left behind.

I would help the younger daughter now, as previous posters suggested, and see what happens over the next few years.

If nothing changes, I would change my will.

I suggest that, if you are able to, you do what you can now to help your younger daughter financially etc. Then your will can share everything equally between your daughters (you could give something to your grandchildren, too) so that there's no need for argument.

You could tell your younger daughter, in confidence, why you're doing this.

My grandparents left their house to my mum because she looked after them. My mum's elder brother, always the "blue-eyed boy", got the contents. He was very miffed about this for years, although they eventually made up.

I was estranged from my mother for several years. When she was in a wheelchair and had dementia I stepped up for the next 5 years of her life. My elder brother and sister
Did nothing to help.
Thank goodness she had not changed her will as with dementia it probably wouldn't have been possible later.

Although estranged she is still your daughter and you must have felt/feel love for her. It can also be awkward for your younger daughter. I know from experience that cutting someone out of your will can cause problems for those who are still in it.

I would think very carefully too before doing anything.
Are your daughters close? After you’re gone, such a situation as you might cause, could well affect the rest of their lives.

I would reflect deeply about this before making any changes.. making changes will affect you as well.. can you live with that?

Be aware that your final message, to your daughter, will be that you didn't love her unconditionally, you prefer to show favouritism.