Estranged daughter and my will

If the daughter has cut her parents if surely it would be hypocritical to want their money. The other daughter can except her inheritance knowing she has been left it with cutting her parents of . They can’t reward the estranged daughter as she no longer wants them as her family. The other child must see that as well.

There isn't really a right or wrong, it's just necessary to look at the potential repercussions and our own motivations carefully

Because any good person and good parent does need to know all the potential outcomes to find a decision the feels good for them

That’s true Delia

On the other hand, Iam64, some EACs have maintained loving relationships with their siblings, who may be hurt on their behalf, despite the family rift.

I suppose, in that case, they’d come to a fair arrangement between them regarding the will.

My son cut me out of his life 16-years ago. There is nothing for him in my Will.

The daughter has made a choice, surely she would refuse the inheritance.

Estrangement from parents caused by one child is likely to have caused great distress amongst siblings. Often attempts to build bridges with the estranger will have been attempted and rejected. The siblings relationship may be permanently broken. The adult children who look after, support and love each other and their parents, may resent the awful pain caused by the estranger. This isn’t a prodigal son scenario, where an adult child was a wayward young person, recognises that, acknowledges the pain caused and hoped to be accepted back into the family.
Inheritance in these circumstances - what purpose does it serve

Yes, I agree with those who think of the relationships, particularly between siblings, that may be affected in future by your decisions regarding your will, one way or another.

Lindylou23

@Southwestgran. It was very interesting reading your post.
My estranged daughter has kept the grandchildren away from us for many years. When we took Birthday gift up to the house she kept us on the door step, didnt invite us in,her father was dying of cancer. It hurt him so much he finally wrote to her and said how hurt he was and couldn't cope with his illness and treatment.He had a reply go away and have a nice life. Not long after he passed away, I cannot forgive how her,how she treated him. I still send gifts to the grandchildren but I am thinking of stopping it as I have no response from them. She said she had a lovely child hood, so it's very hard to understand.
The answers on here are very insightful.

My late husband’s adult children were the same.

One was a gambling/alcohol addict, constantly threatening us with estrangements if we didn’t hand over money. We didn’t, so were bounced in and out of estrangement for 18 years.

The other one rarely bothered and freely admitted that he found old people a burden.

Both said they’d had great childhoods - so no excuse.

My late husband cut both out of his will, as have I..

Anything I’ve got will go to my adult children - who have shown us nothing but love and support. His children are reaping the rewards of what they sowed. They got nothing and are now out of my life.

No regrets here. 🙂

You do not say what the relationship between your daughters is, and whatever it is, leaving the one daughter out of your will is very likely to prejudice the sisters 'relationship.

You may feel that their relationship is so damaged already that nothing can make it worse, but you did not say that.

From one point of view, your estate is yours and you can do precisely what you please with it.

The liklihood is that whatever you decide someone will be dissatisfied with the result.

In your place, my major concern would be your daughters' relationship to each other in the future.

Sorry if this offends anyone.
If one of my adult children estranged me for several years there is no way I would want them to inherit anything I owned. With all the hurt estrangement causes I couldn't then gift them anything. They weren't there for me when I needed them for company, opinions, laughter and sad times so why would I reward then when I die.
So I think the OP should leave everything to her other daughter and grandchildren.

@Southwestgran. It was very interesting reading your post.
My estranged daughter has kept the grandchildren away from us for many years. When we took Birthday gift up to the house she kept us on the door step, didnt invite us in,her father was dying of cancer. It hurt him so much he finally wrote to her and said how hurt he was and couldn't cope with his illness and treatment.He had a reply go away and have a nice life. Not long after he passed away, I cannot forgive how her,how she treated him. I still send gifts to the grandchildren but I am thinking of stopping it as I have no response from them. She said she had a lovely child hood, so it's very hard to understand.
The answers on here are very insightful.

The legacy will be a fractured relationship between your daughters. These can go on for generations, as I know from my own family ancestry. Be the one who breaks this wound to your family and keep trying with your big girl. It is never too late.

DiamondLily, no, I’m asking whether the siblings might feel resentful on the EAC’s behalf if he/she was left out of the parent’s will or, on the other hand, if he/she was included, resulting in further family problems? Interested in this aspect of the question.

Badly worded, sorry.

Love always wakes up in the morning and tries again and when the one you love no longer wants you in their life, there comes a point when you know that there's no point in trying any more.

You have to accept not matter how reluctantly that that relationship is over and TBH, it annoys me if there appears to be an assumption that EP's who disinherit the child whose estranged them do so because they no longer love them.

I don't understand why anyone in those circumstances would feel resentful either DL. Any siblings who inherit, do so because that was what their parents wanted. It's not their fault their sibling estranged and if they were to be resented, it says more about the EAC than the parents or their sibling(s).

Well, if you haven’t spoken to your parent/s for years, I’m not sure why you’d feel resentful if you were left nothing.

But, each set of circumstances is different, so I guess we all just make our own decisions, based on our own families.🙂

I wonder if, in an estrangement situation where siblings are involved, one has estranged a parent, whilst the others maintain a good and supportive relationship with the parent, would the siblings be likely to resent the EAC being included in the will? Or possibly be hurt on the EAC’s behalf for being excluded?

A friend’s family had the situation where the friend left her estate divided fairly (as she felt) between her children and her grandchildren. This was taken amiss by the child who had no children, who believed he was being treated unfairly. The grandchildren were legally adults when they inherited, which meant they were able to use the money sensibly towards their future.

There’s nothing you can do to prevent hard feelings if you leave a child out of your will, but I’ve always felt it’s best to be scrupulously fair between children where possible.

I’d be puzzled and hurt if one of my adult children stopped communicating with me as well. I’m not sure why this happens in some families, but it surely doesn’t take much effort to keep in touch!

I had to make that decision regarding my estranged son. In the end I decided I didn't want to leave this earth with resentment following me into the afterlife if there is one. So he's still in my will

I'm not leaving anything to my eldest daughter who has mental health issues and addiction problems. My youngest daughter will inherit what would have been hers on the understanding that she helps her out when she needs it.

Love always wakes up in the morning and tries again.

If people are out of my life, regardless of circumstances, I want nothing from them - no cards, no gifts, no money, no contact.

So, for me, it would follow the same in death. I don’t want to know about anything they may or may not have left.

It’s not about estrangement revenge - it’s about the estranger not being a hypocrite. To ignore someone in life, and then want money, after those they have estranged have died, seems a strange way to be.

If I’ve estranged someone, I don’t want anything more.

I’d sooner leave anything I leave to those that have loved and cared for me.🙂

It's not an easy decision to disinherit your own child, especially when you seem comments that doing so leaves your EAC a legacy of believing they're not loved and/or doing so is an act of revenge.

We do see posts from those who have estranged that they wouldn't want to be left anything in their parent(s) will which makes sense to me, and may help an EP come to their decision.

Norah

^No it isn't a strange thought Hilltop. There have been numerous examples over the years where estrangement has been caused by a third party.^

I assumed no third party would be involved, ever.

Reason is -- I've been asked if our daughters husbands had estranged because of our lovely daughters - no, our sils were estranged early, University, before our daughters married. I've been asked if we considered meddling in estrangements. Not for a moment. None of our business.

Yes, IL’s can sometimes cause a fracturing of families. I read MN sometimes, and there are many threads about problems with ILs - most commonly the relationship between DIL/MIL.

Sometimes the arguments can appear to be over trivia, sometimes not.

But, every family is unique - the problems can sometimes be with AC’s or EP’s. Or, stepchildren.

But, to pull this back to the original OP, it was about whether those estranged, or who had estranged, would leave anything in their Wills to those people.

And, obviously, opinions differed.🙂

I'll wait for Norah to clarify